[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Sorry in advance for the long post and any possible triggers. I made this as short and to the point as possible... For me at least...

In short:
10 years ago after a year of therapy I was diagnosed with DID, schizophrenia, manic depression, borderline personality disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... By my t and by my pdoc. I can't recall who gave which name. I was hospitalized a year later and given the names Obsessive Compulsive, anxiety disorder and schizophrenic.

Needless to say, I don't think you can have ALL of these. So I went and saw a new doctor yesterday. He wasn't a therapist, wasn't a pdoc just a regular retired primary care doctor. He said (after my first appointment with him) that no I did not have bipolar and no I did not have DID. I didn't mention the rest of the names given since I really don't know which to believe. He said he believed I have "Anxiety personality disorder" and I have never heard of that. Has anyone else heard of this? I googled it but all I am getting is avoidant personality and I don't think that fits me 100%.

I'm hoping there is someone out there that can relate to these symptoms and maybe shed another light and another possibility. I can't imagine if someone did have all of the above things mentioned that they would be able to function and I am functioning. Not perfectly but pretty incredibly considering...

Basically in a nut shell... I've had numerous traumatic occurances in my life. I started getting blackouts when I was 4 and to start them was a traumatic event. One of the most traumatic events. My "dissociation" can range from the feeling that I am being pulled away from my body (my surroundings get further away, noises get muffled etc)to just memory loss (in like a black void while my body is mobile functioning and speaking and acting) to fainting to depersonalization to seizure to crawling on the floor screaming that I was going to die. These happen when I'm under a great deal of stress mostly but can happen any time. The more stress the more intense the blackout.

I hear voices and noises. Mostly when I'm not in a psychotic state they are just one word or two, a noise or shadows but they can get so bad that I see large animals getting hit by cars, bushes wave at me spiders crawling on me and I can feel these "hallucinations" when they are at their worst. I hear voices and noises inside my head and outside as well. They can be just something banging to someone screaming my name... Anything really.

I think I'm smarter than most people in the world. I feel like if I were born into a more privelaged family, that I would be able to fix the world with my financial influence. That I am smart enough to fix all of mankinds problems. I am paranoid of everyone. I think everyone and everything wants to get me. I am terrified of driving, Terrified of going anywhere by myself. I'm terrified of myself even. I get panic attacks all the time that range from 15 seconds to 30 minutes. These panic/anxiety attacks are terrible and I'm terrified of having them which makes it even worse.

I have a lot of phases of "mania" I don't care about my finances or things like that and just go go go go go. It's when I need distractions. I go on like 4 hours of sleep per night and am wide awake ready to move by 5am.
I obsess over everything. For years. I am terrified of the number 666 (could be because of family for this one) so much that if the odometer says those numbers I will pull the car over off the interstate and wait until it's up a few numbers. I'm afraid of sleepwalking so much I have locked myself in my daughters room, hid the knives on the other side of the house and slept on the floor by her door.

I pick at my face, my back, my fingers, my nails... All day long pick pick pick. I'm obsessed with locked doors, every door has to be locked when I'm inside. If I don't check the stove/hair straightener/coffee pot/ whatever is hot at least 2 times each before I leave for the day, I'm anxious all day and freaked out all day.

I get migraines frequently, often after the blackouts or the feelings of a blackout about to happen. My head feels like it's in a cloud often. My mood can be great but once one thing happens out of order it ruins the entire day.

As mentioned above, when something sparks an interest in me, it becomes an obsession. I will spend all day all night all week all month and all year obsessing over it. Depending on what it is but non stop thinking about it.
I'm a perfectionist. I hate everything I do unless it's perfect. I can't focus and often I will be watching TV or in the middle of a conversation with someone and out of no where I can no longer understand them. It's as if they are speaking a foreign language. The words are jumbled. It all sounds like Charlie Browns teacher from those cartoons "Waaah Waaah Waaaaah". That lasts typically up to 45 seconds before the noises start forming words again.

I get a ringing in my ear often before this happens and often before the blackouts happen. My head starts feeling heavier and things go black or I can't hear/understand what is being said.

I'm sure there are even more symptoms but these are all I can think of while I am at work. I'm not looking to be diagnosed by anyone, just looking for another view. This new doctor gave me another view and I'm thinking perhaps I do need to look in another direction than what's already been explored since it can't be everything mentioned above... Any insight into any of this would be greatly appreciated Just any experiences of others that were similar and what you are/were doing about it and such!!! Thanks in advance!!!!

[Open Eyes]

Have you ever had an MRI done or a brain scan? Just wondering.
Open Eyes

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I haven't. I went to a neuro back in August about the seizure. I didn't mention the rest above because I didn't think it really mattered to him. I only saw him once and the only thing he did was say to go back if I have another grand mal and that he wasn't going to "break the bank" on an MRI. This new doc mentioned setting me up for a CT scan on my brain but he didn't put in for it and I don't see him again until January 25th

[Open Eyes]

Purple,
When dealing with the medical field of various doctors etc. it is important that you learn to become your own health advocate. You cannot expect any doctor or neurologist to diagnose you without understanding all of what you experience with your brain. You should not be hiding the realities of what you struggle with, you need to be honest and make sure you relate all the issues you address. That is the only way you are going to finally get a more accurate diagnosis of what is wrong.

Not all doctors have all the necessary knowledge, I truely think your best bet is to try to get help again from a neuologist and make sure you tell him/her ALL the things you experience. Hiding facts will not help them learn to help you. Just my opinion.
Open Eyes

[Bitsandpieces]

Wow, you deserve a lot of admiration, in my opinion, for coping with so much.
What you really should do, I think, is find a psychiatrist/psychologist whom you respect and deserves that respect, and be COMPLETELY, brutally honest, telling him/her everything straight away: what you wrote here and your complete history, so then you can go onto your daily concerns. Not only should the doctor be able to diagnose you with some sort of precision, but you could continue a definitely useful therapy path with him/her.
I understand that you want an answer, I really do, because I so dearly want one myself, and my psych has decided it's best for me not to be aware of a diagnosis at all. But diagnosis are not for the use of the patient, they are purely for the doctor, just so he can have a schematic view of you, to treat you appropriately. But a competent psychologist will not "cure" you according to your diagnosis, he'll be looking at YOU. The fact you got so many different ones is not indicative of the fact that your Ts so far have been wrong, just that they chose particular schemes in order to treat you. You have a lot of symptoms, and mental illnesses are often overlapping, mixed, cohabiting, thus, you're very exposed to receiving very different opinions.
Try not to let it matter so much and concentrate instead on getting better! (That's what I've been telling myself!)

Also, just to confuse you further: have you ever considered Bipolar? It's just my very unprofessional impression, based on very scarce information, but anyways you might wanna look into that, since you asked for views!
There's a really brilliant documentary by Stephen Fry on Bipolar: The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive. You can find it on topdocumentaryfilms.com , and even if the diagnosis doesn't fit you, there are a few experiences in there you might relate to and could help yu understand yourself better.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

Sorry in advance for the long post and any possible triggers. I made this as short and to the point as possible... For me at least...

In short:
10 years ago after a year of therapy I was diagnosed with DID, schizophrenia, manic depression, borderline personality disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... By my t and by my pdoc. I can't recall who gave which name. I was hospitalized a year later and given the names Obsessive Compulsive, anxiety disorder and schizophrenic.

Needless to say, I don't think you can have ALL of these. So I went and saw a new doctor yesterday. He wasn't a therapist, wasn't a pdoc just a regular retired primary care doctor. He said (after my first appointment with him) that no I did not have bipolar and no I did not have DID. I didn't mention the rest of the names given since I really don't know which to believe. He said he believed I have "Anxiety personality disorder" and I have never heard of that. Has anyone else heard of this? I googled it but all I am getting is avoidant personality and I don't think that fits me 100%.

I'm hoping there is someone out there that can relate to these symptoms and maybe shed another light and another possibility. I can't imagine if someone did have all of the above things mentioned that they would be able to function and I am functioning. Not perfectly but pretty incredibly considering...

Basically in a nut shell... I've had numerous traumatic occurances in my life. I started getting blackouts when I was 4 and to start them was a traumatic event. One of the most traumatic events. My "dissociation" can range from the feeling that I am being pulled away from my body (my surroundings get further away, noises get muffled etc)to just memory loss (in like a black void while my body is mobile functioning and speaking and acting) to fainting to depersonalization to seizure to crawling on the floor screaming that I was going to die. These happen when I'm under a great deal of stress mostly but can happen any time. The more stress the more intense the blackout.

I hear voices and noises. Mostly when I'm not in a psychotic state they are just one word or two, a noise or shadows but they can get so bad that I see large animals getting hit by cars, bushes wave at me spiders crawling on me and I can feel these "hallucinations" when they are at their worst. I hear voices and noises inside my head and outside as well. They can be just something banging to someone screaming my name... Anything really.

I think I'm smarter than most people in the world. I feel like if I were born into a more privelaged family, that I would be able to fix the world with my financial influence. That I am smart enough to fix all of mankinds problems. I am paranoid of everyone. I think everyone and everything wants to get me. I am terrified of driving, Terrified of going anywhere by myself. I'm terrified of myself even. I get panic attacks all the time that range from 15 seconds to 30 minutes. These panic/anxiety attacks are terrible and I'm terrified of having them which makes it even worse.

I have a lot of phases of "mania" I don't care about my finances or things like that and just go go go go go. It's when I need distractions. I go on like 4 hours of sleep per night and am wide awake ready to move by 5am.
I obsess over everything. For years. I am terrified of the number 666 (could be because of family for this one) so much that if the odometer says those numbers I will pull the car over off the interstate and wait until it's up a few numbers. I'm afraid of sleepwalking so much I have locked myself in my daughters room, hid the knives on the other side of the house and slept on the floor by her door.

I pick at my face, my back, my fingers, my nails... All day long pick pick pick. I'm obsessed with locked doors, every door has to be locked when I'm inside. If I don't check the stove/hair straightener/coffee pot/ whatever is hot at least 2 times each before I leave for the day, I'm anxious all day and freaked out all day.

I get migraines frequently, often after the blackouts or the feelings of a blackout about to happen. My head feels like it's in a cloud often. My mood can be great but once one thing happens out of order it ruins the entire day.

As mentioned above, when something sparks an interest in me, it becomes an obsession. I will spend all day all night all week all month and all year obsessing over it. Depending on what it is but non stop thinking about it.
I'm a perfectionist. I hate everything I do unless it's perfect. I can't focus and often I will be watching TV or in the middle of a conversation with someone and out of no where I can no longer understand them. It's as if they are speaking a foreign language. The words are jumbled. It all sounds like Charlie Browns teacher from those cartoons "Waaah Waaah Waaaaah". That lasts typically up to 45 seconds before the noises start forming words again.

I get a ringing in my ear often before this happens and often before the blackouts happen. My head starts feeling heavier and things go black or I can't hear/understand what is being said.

I'm sure there are even more symptoms but these are all I can think of while I am at work. I'm not looking to be diagnosed by anyone, just looking for another view. This new doctor gave me another view and I'm thinking perhaps I do need to look in another direction than what's already been explored since it can't be everything mentioned above... Any insight into any of this would be greatly appreciated Just any experiences of others that were similar and what you are/were doing about it and such!!! Thanks in advance!!!!

purpleflyingmonkeys - Anxiety personality disorder is a cover all group or cover all label. its like you know how DID is one of many Dissociative Disorders - DD is the cover all label and DID is one of the disorders in that group. Your doctor is probably starting to switch over into using the disorder labels in the new DSM V. when a treatment provider says you have anxiety personality disorder they are saying you have avoident personality disorder, Dependant personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, obsessive compulsive personality disorder or a couple more that eludes me at this moment.

your treatment provider can tell you which of the anxiety personality disorders you have.

incite into the language / ringing in the ear problem -

I know someone who has epilepsy and these things happen right before she has a grand mal seizure.

I had this problem when I had an ear infection.

I had this one client who had an hereditary problem that causes people in their family to slowly go deaf. she had the same problems with the muffled hearing and ringing in her ears. those symptoms signaled the beginnings of her going deaf.

many of the teen aged clients I see have this problem, their problem was traced back to their listening to their ipods, walkmans, mp3 players, sterios, boomboxes turned up too loud. once they stopped turning the volume up so lloud and their ears had a chance to adjust, their ear problems were cleared up. in once case they ended up with permanent damage to their ears.

Suggestion - if this was me I would be getting a hearing evaluation and contacting the doctor that gave the diagnosis of anxiety personality disorder and asking him which one I had.

[nannypat]

Are you on any medications? I only ask this because recently a drug I had been on for over a year, I suddenly became toxic on an some of the symptoms you talked about I experienced while this was going on. My p/doc ,when I started telling him all the crazy things that were going on in my head, pick up on it very quickly. I had not had these symptoms prior to this even though I had been on it for a while. He took me off of it asap and I had to check in with him daily but by the end of the week most symptoms were gone. Don't know if this could be a possibility but I thought I would mention it .

[nicoleb2]

Based on some of your symptoms, I think it would be important to rule out any neurological issues. If it were me, I would seek a second opinion from a different neurologist and then go from there based on the results

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I know it's long, sorry... You don't have to read it, I know it's a lot of rambling! Thanks for all the replies!!!

Thank you for all of the replies! I'm not on any meds nannypat (other than the Mirena, but I will start taking 2 anxiety/migraine meds starting tomorrow) but I do know what you mean about the meds causing symptoms like this. I had similar experience with Lithium. But it didn't start the hallucinations and things, it just enhanced the heck out of them. I felt like I had lost my mind when I was on Lithium. But the symptoms are still there 2 years after my last dose of it and were here long before.

AmandaLouise thank you for your reply. I have considered looking for another neurologist but they are so expensive and I don't have the money. Right now though I do have this one doc (the one who said it was anxiety personality disorder) and he mentioned getting a ct scan done on me and I wouldn't have to pay for it. Maybe if I go back to him and tell him all of these symptoms, perhaps he will order a ct scan. My appointment is January 25th, it will be a long wait but I waited just as long for the appointment that just passed after the surgery. Thanks also for helping understand the anxiety personality disorder, it makes more sense. Those just don't sound like me... But IDK he is a doctor so he could know more than me. I have small traits for a lot of them but a lot of the common symptoms for those I don't have. Like... Avoidant Personality, they have social phobias... (this all according to what I've been reading) and they are highly sensative to negative feedback... I am negative to feedback but my social anxiety only really effects a certain part of my life. I only have fear when it comes to court houses, large buildings, being around government/military officials, being around authority or church systems mostly. And I'm a christian so that doesn't help much. Mostly places that judge you and places of authority. But I don't mind going to a highly crowded mall, I may get frustrated though. I don't mind being at concerts, being in the middle of the city on New Years eve with thousands of people around... Those situations I don't mind at all (as long as I'm not alone) and I don't really think those people judge me or will dislike me... IDK maybe you can be picky about what you avoid and still have it. If you go by the name alone I avoid a LOT of things, just not everything.
Dependent personality-I am actually a very independant person. I hate to rely on anyone at all. I try my hardest to do things on my own. But I do have a hard time making decisions and always make the other person decide... But I don't think that would be enough to qualify for this one...
Paranoid Personality... That could fit me, it's close with the paranoia of others, thinking they are out to get you. But I don't think they have all of these motives behind it. Only bad luck or I did something wrong or they think I'm someone else. i don't think others are out to get me because they have all of these plans. You just never know. But I'm not distant or or unhappy in relationships or anything of the sort. I'm a very loving and caring person, too much sometimes.
"Schizoid Personality: People with a schizoid personality are introverted, withdrawn, and solitary. They are emotionally cold and socially distant. They are most often absorbed with their own thoughts and feelings and are fearful of closeness and intimacy with others. They talk little, are given to daydreaming, and prefer theoretical speculation to practical action. Fantasizing is a common coping (defense) mechanism."
That's what I read and again with this one, it could fit but I don't have a fear of getting close to people and I'm not "cold" I actually enjoy and look for connections. Schizotypal sounds a little more on point, but still not there because I do really care about people.
Histrionic personality is nothing like me. I'd rather NOT be the center of attention. I'd rather just be in a corner in my head.Narcissistic is another nothing like me. Antisocial as well.
Borderline actually according to one site sounds somewhat spot on. But it doesn't cover all of the symptoms. But I don't feel like I'm someone who is borderline... I mean it could explain why every time the smallest thing, like my boyfriend not kissing me first thing in the morning, goest down... My thoughts start racing about all of the reasons he didn't kiss me. All of the things he doesn't like about me. I even start to panic and have the extremely strong urge to bolt out the door and never look back because I think he's going to end it or cheat. But he's such a good guy and the relationship is actually pretty good considering my meltdowns lol. They tried to say I was borderline throughout the years but I didn't think so. I knew one girl at the hospital that was borderline and she seemed to be going through a lot more than me. Either that or it just seemed that way. I didn't think that was anything like me but reading the description, it sounds fairly accurate.
The obsessive compulsive personality somewhat accurate as well but I am not that "neat". I'm an extreme perfectionist but when I can't get it right, I just give up. I have certain things that I have to have an exact way and do an exact way. Even the way I eat has to be a certain way or I feel uneasy. I just assume that my control issues are due to the fact that I was in horrible situations as a child and am overcontrolling to subconsciously make up for lack of control I had as a child. I do really well in school when I try, because I become obsessed, absorbed and every though revolves around what obsesses me. That's why i will over post on PC sometimes, I become addicted to this or that and over do it. But when I can't do something for one reason or the other I just give up because I hate to fail. I'd rather say I quit than I couldn't do it. That's just me. But cleanliness and organizational skills, unless that's what I'm obsessing over at the time, I am terrible at it. A slob and SO unorganized. So who knows...
Passive agressive is nothing like me...
Depressive personality is nothing like me...
Cyclothymic personality sounds pretty similar to me, but couldn't that be bipolar as well? I figured I am bipolar, sounds more believable to me...
A lot of these have similar symptoms so perhaps instead of DDNOS it would be APDNOS? lol Just thinking out loud really in this post, no one has to read it lol.

Nicoleb 2- thank you for your reply. It very well could be neurological just as easily as mental issues. I believe a lot of symptoms of neurological issues follow the same line as mental health issues. And some of my symptoms don't seem to fit in the psychological field either and more medical than psych so a CT scan is probably the best bet! Hopefully I will be able to get one soon!

Thank you again for all of the replies! I REALLY appreciate all the feedback and sorry for yet another long post.