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Member
Member Since Apr 2010
Location: new york
Posts: 23
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Nov 05, 2011 at 09:59 PM
#1
i havent written on here in a very long time but i am kinda struggling with something. when i was a child i was raped by my brother which then turned into an incest relationship. so from age 7-13 my brother and i had relations. after evrything was put out in the open he and i were split up which worked just fine because he was going to cllege (he is 5 years older) we dont live with each other but it seems like recently we have been seeing a lot of each other. it seems like since, i have been having a lot of dreams and fashbacks about those times. but i am worried because i am scared of myself. this past week i have been babysitting my coousins and i love them so much. wht scares me is sometimes i will look at them and have thoughts of touching them. dee inside i would never do such a thing because i know what it feels like but i am so scared of myself because i feel like a monster for thinking those things. i just dont know what to do
Last edited by FooZe; Nov 06, 2011 at 02:46 AM.. Reason: added trigger icon |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
Posts: 9,161
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Nov 06, 2011 at 12:34 AM
#2
Quote:
my suggestion contact your treatment providers aka your family doctor, your therapist a psychiatrist, psychologist. they can help you through the trauma that you went through as a child and help you so that you can heal from this and be safe with yourself and others. |
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avoice, beauflow
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Nov 07, 2011 at 01:24 PM
#3
I agree with amandalouise that "its very common for those that have been sexually abused to act out what has happened to them with other people. part of having PTSD. its also common for "some" not all, victims becoming abusers them selves."
You are not a monster. You experienced trauma when you were very young - you were raped, and damage was done. I urge you to find a therapist and start working on this. You CAN stop these feelings you have, you CAN work through the guilt and shame you feel, and you CAN HEAL. You are heading in the right direction by posting here. You know there is a problem, and there are people (therapists) who can help. You have the motivation, now it's time to act. Please do. Hugs 
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beauflow
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Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2010
Location: I come from a land downunder
Posts: 1,448
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Nov 09, 2011 at 06:31 AM
#4
To come on here and publicly say that you are having these thoughts is a very big step, and one that means you are very aware that its wrong. Its one thing to say youve been abused, its another to say that you think you are an abuser. Getting help like this before anything unfolds is a sure fire way to get past it, rather than trying to get help once its already happened.
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avoice, beauflow
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-------no titles please--
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Anywhere where I can grow
Posts: 11,896
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Nov 09, 2011 at 06:53 AM
#5
((lyrical_chula)) I agree with the above posters--- and strongly with for you to admit out loud even here, even to yourself of this issue, is a big step.. now the next step is to get help from some one that is able to help.
I know therapy can be $$$- but go to your county mental health office and surely they can help you. In my county they can help people with out insurance, with out a job, with out any thing- they are there to help. You don't have to do this struggle on your own, you are already taking the steps by realizing something is wrong. Best wishes to you __________________  "A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market." Charles Lamb
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da7StUzVh3s |
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avoice
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Member
Member Since Nov 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 63
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Nov 09, 2011 at 01:43 PM
#6
I relate to being raped (by non-family however) and PTSD stuff. Big hug to you for having a voice!! That is great and you will go a long way faster than most. A lot of us lose our voice, and some just live in the mire for ever, and some of us find our voice and move on to healing. You got some great advice here, but you did the right thing first for yourself by voicing it.
__________________ The light at the end of the tunnel could be you. |
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avoice
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Magnate
Member Since May 2004
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 2,316
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Nov 09, 2011 at 02:46 PM
#7
I want to let you know that most people who are abused don't go on to abuse, regardless of the thoughts and knowing that you have them makes it more likely that you won't go on to abuse others if you get the help you need.
__________________ It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction! ---"Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society". Abraham Lincoln Online. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. September 30, 1859. |
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2008
Posts: 1,983
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Nov 09, 2011 at 03:46 PM
#8
I don't think that you'll act on the thoughts. You know that such actions are wrong, and you are repulsed by them. You cannot be blamed for your thoughts; they're uncontrollable! And no one has ever been harmed simply because someone else thought about harming them. If you were on a diet, would you feel guilty if you thought about eating an entire package of donuts? I'm going to guess that you probably wouldn't. You'd put that thought in the back of your head and take another bite of your salad.
You are not a monster. You are a victim.
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Member
Member Since Apr 2010
Location: new york
Posts: 23
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Nov 09, 2011 at 04:57 PM
#9
thank you everyone! this means a lot and i am in the process of trying to find a therapist its hard because i am so picky but i know soon i will find one
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Poohbah
Member Since Apr 2010
Location: I come from a land downunder
Posts: 1,448
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Nov 10, 2011 at 08:06 AM
#10
That doesnt matter, you want to be able to talk to someone who you and trust and feel comfortable around, that may not be the first therapist you come across.
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Magnate
Member Since May 2004
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 2,316
20 548 hugs
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Nov 10, 2011 at 12:53 PM
#11
I support shopping around for the right therapist.
__________________ It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction! ---"Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society". Abraham Lincoln Online. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. September 30, 1859. |
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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2011
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 564
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Nov 13, 2011 at 08:14 PM
#12
__________________ "Men’s vows are women’s traitors". Act 3, Scene 4 - "Cymbeline", by William Shakespeare |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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