[alwaysrejoice]

ok I learned I need a better support system IRL. All I really have is my husband. My parents and sister are there but they dont really get it and I feel bad like a burden when i talk to them. My husbands mom has been a lot more supportive than my mom. I dont feel comfortable telling her a lot of stuff though. Who do you all have to talk to that might understand or just listen?

[hanners]

Originally Posted by alwaysrejoice

ok I learned I need a better support system IRL. All I really have is my husband. My parents and sister are there but they dont really get it and I feel bad like a burden when i talk to them. My husbands mom has been a lot more supportive than my mom. I dont feel comfortable telling her a lot of stuff though. Who do you all have to talk to that might understand or just listen?

I've made it a point to make friends with others dealing with mental illness, particularly people with the same diagnosis. Having people (that are not therapists) that I can turn to for support if I'm having a bad day really helps me a lot. And these friends 'get it' way, way better than anyone else.

[roads]

Major kudos for recognizing that you need a support system IRL. Kudos galore for actually taking on the task of creating one.

You sketched out your family, but how about friends? I have no family, so I needed someone who could make decisions for me if I couldn't. I looked among my friends in a way I never had before & realized I was blessed with a new family of sorts, and I now have three people i can talk with about anything.

I also have found one person at work whom I trust & I have gotten to the place where I can talk to her about a lot of things. Confession: i tested her a few times, telling her stuff & waiting to see whether any of it came back. I may also have a neighbor--am still in the trial phase. But he definitely shows promise.

Understand, please, I wish I could take people at face value but I can't. I've been burned too many times.

With all of these people, I had to initiate the relationship or at some point put myself out there to keep it going. That took me way outside my comfort zone. In hindsight, I'm so glad I did.

[alwaysrejoice]

I do have one good friend. We don't really see eachother a lot,but it doesnt matter we will always be friends. I can turn to her. She has known through ups and downs. She has seen me when I was pretty low.

[Perna]

I would maybe start journaling too, that can be a great support or think of/develop an activity you love doing (I would read 5+ books a week). Just "using" other people and talking to them when you are having a hard time gets old for the other people pretty quick I think; you have to have a relationship with people, give and take. Maybe get a volunteer job in a social support field where you might meet others who would understand or you could learn more for yourself.

[Ygrec23]

Interesting that you ask, alwaysrejoice. Putting that question to myself I realize that I do not and never have had a "support system." My wife is there but she doesn't understand, though she has permission to talk to T whenever she wants. Does everybody need one of these? I've spent all of my life hiding from people and I've done it pretty effectively. Getting close to people raises all those hackles. PC is about my speed. To my surprise. I guess a person needs a support system if they feel they need a support system. Kind of like only eating if you're hungry. Take care!

[alwaysrejoice]

My husband doesn't understand and he's just about all I got. That is what prompted all this is he said he can't take it all on his own. thanks for the ideas. any others would be appreciated too.

[kindachaotic]

Same here alwaysrejoice. Husband says he's tired of there always being something wrong with me. I do have other physical ailments, but would never say something like that to him, trust me! This revelation of his came out a little over 2yrs ago. Asked if I complain, he says no it's just always there...?

Anyway no one knows about the bp except husband, son, docs & here on PC. My family & couple of close friends know I take something for depression but that's it. Afraid of the stigma. Not a social butterfly, people exhaust me.

It's like Roadrunner said, these days if you want to make friends you almost always have to initiate it. That isn't in my comfort zone, at all.

This probably didn't help much except that you are not alone.
Take care.

[splitimage]

Self help support groups are great for this. I'm going to start going to the social phobia support group of Toronto next month, as I need to start expanding my network of support, and social phobia makes it kind of hard to do that LOL. Up here there's a National Mood Disorder's Association that has provincial and then regional offices, and they offer support groups and occassionally formal programs for depression and bipolar. I bet if you checked with NAMI, you'd be able to find out about local support groups, if there are any in your area. There are also club houses, and drop in's for the mentally ill, that you can just go to and hang out in - some require membership, some don't. When I was off work in 07 and trying desperately to stay sober, I went to a drop in that was funded by the ministry of health - I just had to show my health card. I could go there and just hang out and read the paper or talk to people, but they also had formal activities like a crafts day, yoga, walking, movie nights etc. Not sure how you'd go about finding those in your area - my rehab told me about the drop in I went to. Try googling mental health clubhouses.

You might also check to see if there are any telephone support lines, in your area. I don't mean a distress or crisis line, but a support line, that you can call just to talk. I volunteer on one, run by my psych hospital and we get people calling in who just need someone to talk to. There are a couple of other lines here that offer the same kind of support system, like the "warm line" which is run entirely by consumers. They're good if you just need a friendly ear.

Just some suggestions for places to start.

splitimage

[alwaysrejoice]

I actually called the warm line today. I have called there before. I never heard of a drop in for the mentally ill. I would love that. I'll look into it. tyvm

[gma45]

Wow you really got me thinking, I have one friend that lives 4 hrs away and PC and that is about it. I was going to AA and NA but a good T would be nice if they didn't cost so much.

[splitimage]

gma45,

I go to AA and it's a really big part of my support system. I've met so many wonderful people through AA, and now I'm involved in all kinds of service.

splitimage