[whenwillitend]

DH is losing his job due to medical issues. Which is "funny", because he had those issues when they hired him. Degenerative disc disease and he's on Prozac for mild PTSD (retired Army). Now they're saying he can't deploy because of this, he was working overseas as a contractor.

We have no savings. Our plan was to have him over there for at least three years, year one: pay down our debt, year two and three: build up a nice savings account. Now we're screwed.

We still have money coming in once a month, from his retirement pay and disability pay from the Army, but that's not enough to cover all the bills. We can pay the mortgage, get groceries and maybe pay the utilities, but that's about it.

I am working really hard not to freak out right now. My older son's birthday is coming up, christmas is coming up, what are we going to do?

I can't work because of the depression, but the disability people don't see it that way. Besides, with two kids, one in school, I could only work part time, and most if not all of my paycheck would go to childcare. I wouldn't make much, I haven't worked in 9 years. But it doesn't matter, I can't anyway because of the depression. And there's no way I could hold two or three jobs.

What do we do now? DH is 42 years old, how is going to find a new, somewhat good paying job??? And how in the world am I going to get through this without freaking out and having a complete meltdown??

[Elana05]

(((((whenwillitend)))))
Ugh. What a difficult thing to have happen.
I wish I had advice. I can relate to being unable to work due to depression.
My heart goes out to you...
Take it one day at a time, one minute at a time even.
The most important thing that your kids have is you and their Dad. They have you to listen to them and to be with them. If you're honest with them, they'll understand. I think kids are good at that. They crave honesty. Didn't you when you were a kid?
Some of the best things I remember from growing up weren't things at all but rather time I spent doing stuff with my mom or dad, even stuff that took no money. Mom and I once made X-mas cards by cutting up old fabric and gluing it to paper along with glitter, I remember it to this day, but I can't begin to tell you what I got for Christmas that year. Are there some times or some games you and your husband remember from your childhood that you can share with them? Again, I'm sorry if my response falls short. Just wanted to let you know you are heard.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Rohag]

Oh, dear!

Originally Posted by whenwillitend

DH is losing his job due to medical issues. Which is "funny", because he had those issues when they hired him. Degenerative disc disease and he's on Prozac for mild PTSD (retired Army). Now they're saying he can't deploy because of this, he was working overseas as a contractor.

You are correct -- this is "funny" odd. "They" hired him and "they" are saying he can't deploy. I strongly suspect these are two different "they's" within the same organization or company. Is it possible for you husband to appeal to the hiring "they" to coordinate with the other "they" that says he's not eligible to deploy?

He may have a good case based on the fact he has already been successfully serving in a deployed position.

In any event, he might be able to transition to another contracting company that doesn't impose those limitations. You husband has important skills needed overseas and it does not seem his health actually prevents him from working those positions.

[whenwillitend]

Thank you both! Rohag, my husband has been talking to both the hiring "they" and the firing "they", and the latter has the last word. Nothing the hiring people can do about it.
He's been looking all day for job openings, and already sent out a few applications. He is so depressed, because for one, he doesn't have a job now and therefore there's no money coming in, and two, he has never been fired before in his life.

It is so hard for me to see him so depressed. It's not good. It makes it much harder for me to stay upbeat.

My husband is a hard worker, never misses work, always takes care of things, has great leadership skills, and he has experience in all kinds of fields. I'm hoping he can find something quickly.

[Open Eyes]

Is he working for a private contracting company? How long has he worked for them?
Can he collect unemployment? Is he covered for health insurance through this employment, because sometimes if that is the case he may be layed off to lower health insurance rates or maybe liability rates. Has he taken time off for his issues? If not then there may be grounds for some kind of predudice.

As far as the holidays coming, don't let that get you down, remember at least you have money coming in to pay the necessities, many have nothing, count some of your blessings. Was the work very taxing work? It does sound fishy to me because they hired him knowing his disabilities and now they are using that for an excuse to let him go. Okay they are firing him? and not laying him off? He needs a reason in writing.

Open Eyes

[whenwillitend]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Is he working for a private contracting company? How long has he worked for them?
Can he collect unemployment? Is he covered for health insurance through this employment, because sometimes if that is the case he may be layed off to lower health insurance rates or maybe liability rates. Has he taken time off for his issues? If not then there may be grounds for some kind of predudice.

As far as the holidays coming, don't let that get you down, remember at least you have money coming in to pay the necessities, many have nothing, count some of your blessings. Was the work very taxing work? It does sound fishy to me because they hired him knowing his disabilities and now they are using that for an excuse to let him go. Okay they are firing him? and not laying him off? He needs a reason in writing.

Open Eyes

It's a government contracting company. He has never taken time off, nor have those "issues" caused any problems. Like I said, he's a hard worker and makes sure he gets the job done right. That's why it shocked us, it's so out of the blue. We were not prepared for this.

It's very true, we still have some money coming in, and we're still covered under Tricare as far as health insurance goes. We don't have dental insurance anymore though. We had that through hubby's job. I don't know the difference between firing and laying off. He was just told by HR to start looking for a new job. Technically, right now he's still employed, although he's not overseas working, and we're just waiting for the official letter to come in. I'm really hoping for some sort of severance pay or whatever that's called.

He said he's going to apply for unemployment benefits, but I know that would just kill him. He has a lot of pride, and he wants to work for his money. He hated it when I was on WIC during my first pregnancy. That's why he's already looking for a new job. He has never not worked.

*sigh* This is all so confusing. But I have faith. Everything is going to be okay. We've had rough patches before, and we've always made it, something always came up, somehow everything always worked out. We'll be fine again this time. Luckily, I already have two presents for my son's birthday. That may be all he's getting this year, but it's way better than nothing. He knows about the situation right now, so hopefully he'll understand.

[Open Eyes]

So he only gets paid when he goes on a contracted job? And they are telling him they are not giving him more contracts to work on? This should not be a firing situation, it has to be a layoff, he hasn't done anything wrong. People don't get fired unless they dont perform or they do something wrong, otherwise it is a layoff. This doesn't sound right because they have told him to look for another job and they havent given him any real details, he needs to ask for the specifics and make sure that they write down the reason etc. Maybe there is a labor board or something he should consult with. And its government run? Oh, he should collect. I don't know the waiting period for collecting but maybe he could see if there is severance for two months or thru the holidays or something. Dont worry about pride, not in this economy. Your husband has to take care however he needs to, he has done no wrong.
Open Eyes

[whenwillitend]

No no, he was working overseas, on a regular salary, as a contractor for a goverment group company. He didn't do anything wrong. He did his job, every single day, 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, without complaining. They did tell him why he's not deployable now, because of his back and the Prozac. Which is stupid, at first they said it's because he has a prescription for Percocet for his back, which he doesn't need and doesn't take. So he got a letter from his doctor stating that he's been off of it for a long time now. So now they're coming up with this other carp. It's ridiculous.

Oh he will swallow his pride and do what needs to be done to take care of his family, that is a huge part of his pride, being able to provide for us.

[Open Eyes]

Ok, so he is home now and they are saying that they are not going to send him back overseas to do more work and they are using his health issues as an excuse. Gee it must be hard for you to not have him home when he is overseas.

Well you need to find out all the paticulars and try not to show him that your upset and worried, because that may give him more permission to react poorly. You say he has a lot of skills so maybe he can find different work, something closer to home. Remember he has some PTSD that he has been managing so it is important that this doesn't make that flair up. So try to be very supportive and just wait to see what is really going on and if you and your husband have any recourse. If the people in charge know he will just fold and let them use excuses then they will walk on him, and that is not right. Asking for written reasons is important because then you can prevent them from doing anything wrong that can give you reason to seek legal advice. And it is important to make sure that they are not using discrimination in their decision making. If they hired him knowing his issues and he has worked for them, done his job well and was responsible he should not be fired. The terminology is important to get in writing and it is important because he has to clear the history so when he trys to find other work he doesn't have anything suggesting he didn't do his job, or wasn't capable of doing his job or was unsatifactory at his job.

Open Eyes

[whenwillitend]

Thank you for the advice! I'm definitely not showing that I'm upset. Not just for hubs, but also for the kids. I keep telling him it'll be okay, we'll get through this. And I stay as upbeat as I can.

I've never been fired before either, so I can't really relate to what that feels like for him, but I"m sure it's rough.

[whenwillitend]

It's getting harder and harder to keep on a happy face. He is so incredibly depressed, and it's starting to get me down too. I'm not complaining or anything, I totally understand why he's so depressed, it's just getting really hard for me not to freak out myself. But one of us has to keep it together. Usually, that's him. He's always the one with the "It'll all be alright" attitude, my rock. Now the roles are reversed, and I am not used to that.

Right now, I'm just taking it one day at a time. If I look ahead, I freak out. I don't look past tomorrow. One day at a time. TODAY we have a roof over our heads. TODAY we have food on the table. TODAY there's still a couple of bucks in my wallet.

[Open Eyes]

((((((whenwillitend))))
That is truely how we all have to look at our struggles, one day at a time, try to be grateful for the things we do have, and you do have each other, very important. Ofcourse your husband has every right to be upset, it is a loss and just keep telling him that things will be ok, keep suggesting that you both be thankful for what you do have and more important encourage him to use this as one door can get closed but another can open, maybe something better. You have to tell yourself that too.

Open Eyes

[whenwillitend]

Looking for a part time job now. I don't know if I'd be able to handle it, but we need money. Applied at Petco and Petsmart. Looking at other jobs too. I have just enough money left for my pdoc appt tomorrow.

[whenwillitend]

Dh just called his old job, he is officially unemployed now. This is so incredibly scary.

But I guess it's like that song: "If you're going through hell, keep on moving, don't slow down, if you're scared don't show it, you might get out before the devil even knows you're there"