[Lexi232]

personally i'm wondering for my own behalf, what makes me believe what i want to believe, even tho if i were to really think clearly i would of known what i was seeing and wanting to believe was only just that... wanting to believe it. and it was all an illusion. This has been a lesson i have learned more than once this year... And yet I still don't really recognize when I'm doing that, until it's too late. because while i'm planning and such, it still seems very realistic to me, and theres others actions and words that feed the wanting to believe part. but in the end i find out i just relearned a lesson that i thought i just learned previously... multiple times now.. How do I not do that and learn what's me wanting to believe, and whats really true?

Also im also wondering what makes someone try to get you away from the best situation you can be in, by promising better with them, and giving all the evidice that would suport them doing it(by helping you with things that they say they would help with more if they could, but with you being so far away they cant do anything more (which is true)) but.. once i believe it, even though i know how they previously were... I still learn that they weren't being true. But in the mind of someone else, what would cause them to be like "oh how could they just leave you there in the ER like that?! how do they expect you to walk home when it's over a 100 miles!? I wish you were here, cause i wouldn't let that happen. if you were here with me, i would take you AND bring you back, and visit anytime you got sick." But as soon as they get you away from where you atleast had a ride to there, they are like "well call 911, what do you expect me to do?! i mean gawd! you really ARE a blonde! I have to fix myself some dinner! I dont have time for this! You better find yourself a way back home too, cause i'm not coming to get you!" ... then also a simlair incident that runs in my family is they tend to seem believeable, and i want to believe them, so i leave what isn't the best but i'm content in... to go to be with the promises of what i believed to be true and better than the situation i was in previously.. but just left out on the streets and on my own and they dont care once i'm away from the previous place where it wasn't perfect, but wasn't bad either. Along with understanding how not to repeat this mistake over and over, I'd also like to understand what makes someone be like that above, and why, and what their intentions really are. Because once i try to go back or move on, they repeat the same thing, and also dont want me to leave the "Streets" so to speak.

[Open Eyes]

(((((Lexi))))

I am not sure what to say about the people your talking about. It sounds to me that you have been around too many people that are not very dependable people. I don't think that you have learned what a dependable person is. I think you truely want someone to be there for you, be dependable and truely caring, but you may not know how to spot that kind of person. You do however have to learn how to depend on yourself, sadly most of us have to learn that.

I will say prayers for you that you will find your way and first find you. And then find others that are more caring. Your not alone in your struggle, many people struggle to find others that understand them, or even care to understand.

Open Eyes

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Lexi232

what would cause them to be like "oh how could they just leave you there in the ER like that?! how do they expect you to walk home when it's over a 100 miles!? I wish you were here, cause i wouldn't let that happen. if you were here with me, i would take you AND bring you back, and visit anytime you got sick."

Sounds like they are as confused about themselves as you are about yourself. They think they would do that, they are not lying, they are just thinking they'd like to be that kind of person, that would help you.

But, if you are needing ER and care, I think you need to be where you can get it for yourself as easily as possible, not be relying on others to get it for you. Think of what you need first, not what other people are saying they will give to you.

[Sanada]

Repeating lessons are tricky cycles to break. To believe you can believe in your self not to repeat the lesson, is up to you, to break the cycle if that's what you want.
Sometimes though we will go round and round going through the same cycle of lesson learning for ages. It takes courage and strength to break that cycle, and seeing that we are doing it.

Having people say they will support you in whatever way they can and then be 100's of miles away is also hard.

Promises (esp false ones) really tick me off, so I can understand that. No One should make false promises to someone they know irl (family or friend), and not keep to the promises. I would rather not have the promise, then I cannot be let down when it is not kept (I was and have been made massive promises in life and I find myself in the gutter, almost). So I say to people 'don't promise me nothing', it hurts more when its broken. Then if its not broken then its a surprise and a good emotion (but at least without it, I am ready for what I know already).

Being able to get to a hospital if (or) when you need to, is your's (all's) responsibility. We need to be able to do that if needed. Getting home is totally different. Where I live there is no home service for me, I have to make my own way. It totally sucks not having that support (family or friends or the hospital itself), I have none. My support is always busy, other wise it might happen, but by now I have no choice but to rely upon myself (I walk every where in the city I live in, but as Bob Marley once said in a song - My Feet Is My Only Carigge).