[inkblot]

...but I'm not sure where. It's not where I want to be. I am going crazy with my emotions and life swirling into a horizontal crash straight ahead in full force at slow velocity. I don't know if that makes sense to any of you. But to me, I have too many issues and things going on and I have no where to turn, but into perpetual sadness and unhappiness with my life, my job, everything. I still have my T. I will always have my T. At this rate, I will never be without a T. I haven't really learned to "talk" yet. I still love his voicemail. Some days I just want to cry and give up. No, that's most every day.

I haven't cut since I started the Adderall in November, but lately I've been missing it. I still don't have the urges to do it, but...

I've been dealing with everything by not eating and going for anorexic mode. I'd lost 15-17lbs or so, on the low side but not bad. I wasn't thinking but for my kids' happiness and had promised them that I'd take them for pizza this past weekend. I did, but it caused some very emotional meals beforehand trying to build up so I could eat pizza with my kids without crying. What the heck kind of sense does it make that a person should be so emotional because of eating something?!

Everything has been affecting my work, my job stress affecting everything else, my "home" life, family, everything else more. I have been so stressed about working and being homeless and my future that I can't deal with everything in the present. And if things don't get better for me, I will continue to be homeless--and also jobless. It won't end there because I still have my SOB ex-husband and his freakin B new wife who is even more of a B than him! She dared to tell me once last year that MY kids belonged to her and that I had no rights to them. (That was a severe kick to my heart and I will NEVER forget that she said that!)

I have no idea what I am going to do. I might have to tell my boss about being homeless and everything. I was almost forced to already when Benefits at work decided they wanted my physical home address because sometimes they FedEx things to people. They adjusted things so I could register for benefits under my PO Box, but they said that they would still like my physical address. That's not going to happen. Especially if I don't have a job much longer. And no good way to explain it all. The only potential is I could claim the ADA/disability if they know that I am on Adderall, or similar for rights about me being homeless or something. I don't know what's anything anymore.

[Greenleaves]

((((((((inkblot))))))))))

[jmo531]

Oh Inky,

I dont know what to say. You have so much goin on right now. I wish there was something I could do for you. If there was I would do it in a minute. Right now, I offer you the biggest hug I can give you via the internet.

(((((((((((((((((((Inky))))))))))))))))))))))

I know its not enough, but wanted to let you know my good vibes are going out to you tonight and every night.

Also wanted to mention that as hard as it is to do, try to ignore everything that your ex and his new B say unless it is directly related to the children. You have enough to worry about without the added pressure from them. Dont ever forget that you are a wonderful mother and your kids know that.

Huggles,

Jen

I wish I could help you out. I thought of you often and I was so wishing you had find a place to stay, a home.

I hope things turns better for you soon!

(((((((((((Inkblot)))))))))))))

[Azalysa]

Inky,

You mentioned the ADA. That is something you might want to look into. If you have a benefits packet, look in there and see if there is a phone number to call to request short-term disability. REMEMBER - under HIPPA laws, you do NOT need to tell your immediate boss or anyone at work. You just call the disability office for your company.

You need to have a professional who will complete the paperwork stating you need to be off work and why. It is a confidential file.

You might want to check it out with your T. Worth a try...depending how long you've been with your company, you would still get some income and maybe time to clear your head would help.

{{{{{{{{Inky}}}}}}}

[Lexicon78]

((((((((((inkblot))))))))))

Sorry you are going through so much right now. Try to hang in there and do all you can to make it through the rough times. Keeping busy usually works best for me.

[inkblot]

Thank you, everyone. I don't have time to stay and reply more, but I appreciate the thoughts very much!

I haven't been with this company long enough for disability. It's only been just over a month, or month and a half.