very upsetting week

My 72 year old father has to have an operation [under general anaesthetic] on the neck of his bladder to prevent further kidney damage that has arisen due to complications of an untreated infection over a year or so ago. He, and my Mum [and me] are scared. I'm their only child. The operation will be within the next month or so.

I'm also getting closer to a major restructure at work, and I will no longer be working with people who mean a lot to me and have made all the difference to me being able to work with my illness. In particular if I work where I want and need to work [for various reasons connected with my mental health] when the restructure is actioned early next year, I will be losing my current manager. I'm very attached to her, and she has really made a difference to me at work. And you know what REALLY sucks? I pretty much need to work in that area of the borough that I 99.999% will be due to mental health issues [particularly with finding public transport too stressful] but to do so means I lose a manager who's very understanding of my mental health. IT SUCKS. Majorly.

A significant part of my illness is an attachment disorder. This makes both these situations more painful and upsetting than the norm. Of course an unwell elderly parent facing surgery, changes at work and loss is upsetting and stressful for anyone, but with an attachment disorder it's however many times harder. Not to mention that Christmas is approaching - a time when I have in the past felt very isolated.

I found out about my Dad, and about losing my manager, within an hour of each other on Wednesday.

I'm feeling vulnerable and sad and angry and alone, and it's all too much, too much anyway, but too much all at once even more so.

Plus there's tension between me and my flatmate and her son. It's all so hard.
Any words of empathy, understanding and support would be most welcome, please.

(((((Sorrel))))

Sorry to hear your struggling, can't say I am doing much better. This is when you have to
do your best to focus on moment by moment, that is what I am doing. I am also trying to think about my therapist's advice, life is a wave rolling onto the shore we cannot control the wave, we must do our best to learn to ride with it, allow it to come thru whatever may be, it is all we can do, whatever may be, just experience it and let it come and go.

(((Hugs))) Open Eyes

Prayers for your dad, you, your mom.

Does you dad have any heart trouble that would make general antithetic a special risk? Does he have other complications? Ordinarily 72 isn't considered really old these days, So I'm hoping there are no high risks for him--hoping & praying. But of course you're a bit of a mess over it. I sure would be.

The work change is horrible! Why do they have to do these things? As much as possible I hope you'll be able to stay in the present as these changes take place. If you can just focus on each day & try to absorb those changes without projecting about how they will impact the future, you'll have a better chance of staying grounded & balanced.

Try to keep these two things separate. Together, they're bound to overwhelm you, but if you can manage to keep personal & work apart you will have a better chance of carrying the load.

We're here for you. PM me if you want.

I hope you're father is ok, surgery is always difficult on people you care about. The work situation is also a bad one, I hope you can push through and come out the other side

I'm sorry that everything is piling up on you right now. Prayers and positive thoughts going your way!

Everything is always okay in the end, and if it's not okay, it's not the end. I had a boss who was great with me, and she got a new job and left. I freaked out and quit my job too. I was blessed and my husband was able to pick up the slack, but I always think of how much easier it could have been had I stayed and gone through a few months of transition to at least see where it took me instead of just hitting the road. If you can healthily, see where this takes you, day by day. You never know when something great could come along that you wouldn't have expected. You have all of my support and empathy!