[Rhapsody]

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh -

I just had an argument with my 21 year old Son that just came home last week from being in the Navy.... it was all over his chosen computer viewing (porn) from last night - which by the way is NOT allowed in the house, and as usual the talk did not go very well (him yelling) and I am now left very upset (he left the house for a while).... HELP!

I told him that while we love him and we are willing to help him out during this transition from military life to civilian life, that we need his RESPECT while he is staying here.... it that to much to ask?


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[jbug]

No I don't think that asking him to not view porn on your computer is too much to ask. It's your house and it's your rules. He needs to respect that. Good luck.

Jbug

[Rhapsody]

Thanks J-Bug.... we will need it with this ONE - for while we love him he has always been the rebellious kid of the family. He sees things his way and usually refuses to see it any other way. And while we are doing our best to treat him as the adult he is, we also have to keep the rules & peace with in the house for our self and our younger son.

BTW - of course he is denying even going to the sites - he is saying that he was chatting with females on line through IM and that their PIC LINKS took him there - and while I know that is possible he still should have used better judgment.... he knows how his father and I are and what we ask of our kids.
Plus I have already caught him in one lie this week, so why should I trust him on this one when the proof was right there on my computer this morning?

I PRAY for PEACE and UNDERSTAND.... hope I do not loose it - feeling stressed & anxious.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[bebop]

I agree you have to have that respect even if he is NOT living in your house but still has to follow house rules as long as he is there in YOUR house. I suspect with him just getting out of the military he should have money saved up for his own place. I would gently tell him it is time to move on at this age. good luck hon

[Rhapsody]

Yeah - he does need to find a place of his own and we let him know that before he came back home. We are letting him stay with us until he finds a job - he went out today to look around and to place some applications.... plus his car is broke and needs some repairs done to it (one is a major repair), so he is using my car until it gets fixed.

I just cant stand that yucky stuff in my house and I will NOT allow IT.... NEVER!!!


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Maven]

I suggest telling him that when he has his own place, he can look at porn all he wants, but until then, he needs to respect your home and your rules. Also, he could look at it at a consenting friend's house, if it's that important to him. If he has an addiction, then he needs to get help (and no, just because he likes and demands to look at porn doesn't make him addicted). If he refuses to follow your rules, I'd tell him to find his own place then. I know it's tough, especially if he doesn't have the money to do so, but you have to make choices in life, and he needs to learn that.

[Rhapsody]

Thanks..... Maven
What you just said is pretty much how I left it with my son before he went out to look for a JOB - but of course he was mad and I was upset.... he just could not see it how it is or how it should be, oh well - in all due time.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[SeptemberMorn]

Rhapsody, those porn sites can infect your computer with trojans and other viruses, plus some sites will charge you for membership. I don't know how that happens, but before I busted my husband on the very same thing, he got stung for $500!!

Your son should know that anyone that sends him a link is going to be to a porn site, no ifs, ands or buts about it! It is YOUR house, YOUR computer and YOUR rules. What YOU say, goes! No ifs, ands or buts about that either! If I have the right to tell my husband, who lives here and helped by the computer "NO PORN!!!" then you sure have the right to set those limits for your son who is there temporarily.

Some servers have "parental controls." Something to think about if he insists on breaking your rules.

[Rhapsody]

Thanks for the support...... SeptemberMorn

The ISP Parental Control have been re-instated..... the military man has now been demoted from adult status back down to mature teen - where all other sites can be viewed except for sexually explicit material.

Rule of thumb here (for him) is: DON' T mess with the Captain - lol.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[SeptemberMorn]

LOL Good for you!!!

[EJ711]

Good for you, Rhapsody!!

Being a parent is the toughest job in the world.

Keep up the good work!

EJ

[Lexicon78]

Way to go!

[bebop]

hahaha good one!! I applaud you!

[wi_fighter]

Good for you Rhap.

Do a disk cleanup too, so you can get rid of the temporary Internet files. He might be able to get to them by going into History.

[Rhapsody]

Thanks W-Fighter....

All the CLEAN UP has been done, as I am not new to all the trash that can take over ones computer.... I know my way around.

BTW - round 2 started last night when his father had a talk with him about all of it - there was some voices raised, but all in all it was civilize (i think - lol).

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Maven]

That's great that you've got a handle on things. If it becomes a problem again, you can take a necessary part of the computer (say, the keyboard) and hide it (or ask a friend to hang onto it). If the computer is in his room, and it's YOUR computer, move it to the living room or kitchen, or a room where people congregate, so there's always someone to see what he's doing. That's only if it becomes a problem again. He's an adult, and certainly should be treated as such, but a) he still has to respect your home, and b) he needs to act like an adult.

[mortimer]

Yea, I agree with my mommy, those sites are really bad for your computer. Even if you're just viewing files, there's still huge chances for your comp getting screwed up! (I know! I lost all of my files when my comp crashed cos someone was doing indecent things on it)
T_T

It also puts wierd programs on your comp without you knowing, and will program you to get pop-ups from those sites, and sometimes those pop-ups can have bad things on them, little kids shouldn't see them. o.o

[Rhapsody]

All things seem to be going A-OK here at the home front..... my son has not shown any other signs of being disrespectful to me or the rules of the computer / house - guess he was just trying to test the waters and see if things still stayed the same as he remembered them to be.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -