[desirae]

I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried and tried to be a good person, and strong person, and good mother. But I'm an failure in every aspect of my life, I can't even accomplish little things like meals correctly.

Moving has been hell......much more of a pain then any other moved, and I've lived in 46 different homes. Each time I was able to accept, I would even be excited about the new situation ahead of me. But this time it is sooo bad. It is so cold in here. My thermostat says it's 74 degrees in here, but my feet are like ice, and I'm always shivering. The floor is frozen......my back is achy from the chills. It's so hard and cold here.

I thought hey, once I get the furniture here, it will get better, it will feel more like home. I've begged my husband to figure out a way to get our stuff here. He's pushed it off, pushed it off.......I;'ve just received a call from the landlord, and he says that if we don't get our stuff out tonight, he will throw it all out because somebodies moving in tomorrow.

We are going to lose everything.....I know my husband will not care. He has no emotions......objects of any kind are ,meaningless to him. That's why he had nothing but a guitar and beat up van when I met him.

My kid's stuff, the crib, high chair, our bed, couch, clothes, and other small stuff, including family portraits will be gone. What will I do?

I can't take the stress anymore......NO MORE. Everyday I wake up I'm disappointed that I made it through the night. I can't do this anymore!!

My kids have screamed for a week straight. I love my kids soooo much, more then anything, and definitely more then myself. But I can't stand being around them anymore. I have yelled at them.......I've never yelled at them before......I am disgusting........I'm worthless. I even want to lock them in their rooms and shut the door for the rest of the door......what's wrong with me?

Like right now my son is tearing up the blinds, and my daughters screaming on the floor...........I can't take it anymore.....what am I supposed to do?

I've told Brian, my husband, sweetie there's something wrong with me.....I don't feel well, I'm really hurting, I want to cry constantly......he says nothing, he shushes me so he can watch T.V.

The second night we were here, I cried, because the kids screamed for like four hours straight and I had to deal with it all by myself while Brian laid in bed. I cried once I got to bed.......a good cry, which I do almost never. He yelled at me to shut up, and kicked me!......he kicked me for crying. Then woke the kids back up. I got two hours of sleep that night.

Brian's done nothing but yell at me......argue with me....call me names, be cruel to me. I begged him to please sympathize and help me, just a little, and he called me a stupid *****.

I have no one to help me....no one to call....nobody!!! I mean I'm here on PC spilling my guts about my pathetic excuse of a life......a f'ing mistake. I'm so desperate I have no where else to go.

I'm 20 years old. I always accepted that I destroyed my last chance of youth. I knew when I was pregnant with my first child at 17 that I would have to grow up and do the right thing.................but I never expected this. I know this is my fault, and who will pay for my unhappiness.....my grief.....the babies.

They'd be better off if I was gone.

I just want to sleep.

I don't care this is long ......and I don't care if I posted it in the wrong spot.............oh well. I just want out!!

[(JD)]

Not now. Maybe later, but not now, ok?

You must get help, for yourself, for the kids. Look in the phone book, or use the directory assistance, google or yahoo for some info: Find a church in your area. Or Look up the local Salvation Army. You know? Even the Boy Scouts of America might have a troop near you, who will help - free. Call and talk nice to the former landlord.. he might actually want to help you... or know someone who will... but you gotta work at not getting angry at him (even if he deserves it, ok?)

I don't care if you have to sob on the phone or in an email to someone...

Call your local police and cry for help! Ask for an officer to come out.... distraught woman. The local cop usually knows EVERYONE and EVERYTHING...

Of course you're at your wit's end ..and feel like quitting.... you are overwhelmed. I 'm glad to see you were strong enough to ask for help here... now take a big breath and keep on... call someone NOW to help you sort this out and think.

It isn't the end of the world. I know I DO KNOW that it feels that way... but it isn't.... yes, it will be good to get your own stuff in your own home.

[Greenleaves]

((((((((((((desirae)))))))))))))

You deserve to be happy. Please do take Sky's advice and try to get some help. You sound very overwhelmed right now.

Try to do somethign from the ideas _Sky suggested. Someone will help you. Like she said, cry if you need to. Sometimes tears can get things done where it all seems impossible.
Be safe.

[LMo]

Desirae

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((desirae)))))))))))))))) please get some help for you. sky gave you many options that you can try. I know it can be overwhelming in a situation such as yours but don't give up. please take care of yourself for you and your family.