Moving

I am trying to decide whether or not to move. I have been living at my mother's for the past 2 years. I moved in after dropping out of University in February 2004. It's been a difficult couple years. It's involved a few suicide attempts and too many near events. I did end up going back to college, but that hasn't meant soothe sailing since. I feel like I have made very little progress, but I have made some. I am much better at seeking support than I used to be, though still not perfect about it.

I think that maybe living with my mom has exceeded its usefulness. I love her and I know that she also loves me and is trying to support me to the best of her ability, but I think that I have come to depend on her too much simply because she was there. I used to be able to function relatively well on my own and perhaps my regression has been in part due to my illness, but I think it is also because my parents have encouraged me to trust them again, encouraged me to depend more on them. I think I have, I think I've also tested them a lot, fallen apart to see if they will still care. They have, but I still continue to test them.

I think to a significant degree I keep repeating the same pattern with them. I start to do well and establish good routines and behavior. I start to slip, because no one maintains things perfectly. However living with my mom she tries to pick up the slack, to motivate me, but I interpret it as her saying I'm incapable of taking care of myself, and since I am living at home I don't have to. Eventually I fall apart because I feel so ineffectual and out of control of my life instead of just my moods.

I am considering moving away from home. My mother would like me to stay in the city or at least the province; so that I can continue to use the supports I have here. Yet I desire to move further away, to really force myself to take care of myself, because I think as long as I am close to my parents I'll continue to depend on them. I'll visit too often because it will be too easy... even if it is a 3 1/2 hour drive. I want to move across the country to Montreal.

As long I enroll in the University there (McGill) I can get free counseling and get medication from a staff psychiatrist in the mental health centre. (Counseling is a different service) There is surely a group I could find too. I know it would be a huge jump and one without guarantees, but sometimes I think we need huge jumps because of their symbolic significance.

As I said above my mother is very opposed to me moving. She thinks it is the wrong decision. She thinks I will fall apart completely and perhaps even take my own life. She thinks I want to go because it's a romantic adventure (a guy I've been talking to lives only 3 or 4 hours away,) and I think that though it may be that, it's also something that might really help me. Sometimes you don't improve till you have to. I guess I'm just babbling. I share some of my mom's concerns, but I also think I'm reached the limits of how much I can improve here.

Best of Luck.... I feel that you might just be doing the right thing, for it is hard for one to get better if they are always relying on another for all their physical & emotional needs. If you feel you are strong enough to make it on your own - then by all means step out and give it a try, but please do not leave your mother completely out of your life, for she LOVES YOU!


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I am not sure that I am ready, but I think if I have moving as a real goal I will be able to use that deadline as a real impetus to become ready, something which I believe I can do. I am aware my mom loves me (for which I am very thankful) and I would never cut her completely out of my life. I just hopes she is not too put out if I go and we can still have long talks, though maybe on the phone instead of over a cup of tea. Thank you for talking time to respond I really appreciate that Rhapsody.

I can understand wanting to move away, but maybe just for now you could move out into a place in the same town as your parents and see how well you do without them...then if all goes well you can move farther away...

That's just my advice. I know it's hard when you are trying to re-establish yourself. I just want you to be able to make it on your own.

bump

I don't know but in todays economy I am thinking I would stay at home and maybe be home less...doing things and so on ...Build up a huge nest egg then move. I think you could feel worse if you moved and had to move back. So many of us are facing being homeless cause of cash, heat food etc.....you may wanna kick this around a good while.

I think you should do whatever your heart tells you to do. If you feel ready to move, move. Get out there and live life to the fullest. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut and things can't progress or get better. A change may be needed.

However, if you feel like you may relapse, staying home for a while may be the best thing to do. Make sure you are stable enough to move first.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.