Feeling really bad

I'm sorry for all of my posts here, but this is seriously the only place I can truly say what is troubling me, and some people actually understand. So, yeah.
Also, I'm not sure if this goes in this forum, so if not, then sorry.

I feel really bad at the moment. I am in an important year at school and exams/homework a lot (like everyone does) and that's ok, but some of my teachers seem to be ganging up on me..and it's making me feel really anxious. They think I am lying to them, and seem to be picking on me a lot. And I can't take it. I feel stressed and depressed, like nobody wants me and there is no point in anything anymore. I get strange mood swings (I know is common in my age, but from extremes) and I honestly, would not care if I died at the moment. I don't even know why I feel this way. I don't want to sound like a whiny teenager, but I keep hearing this voice telling me to hit people. What if it turns into something bigger?? I know I have said this before, but the birds in my room are really concerning me. Blue attacks me and I'm terrified he will try and peck my eyes out in my sleep. I don't like staying in my room because of that. The Rats are ok, they are mostly just mischievous but I can have conversations with them.

I'm scared though. All of this is scaring me. The OCD, the schizophrenia, the doctors, going to CAMHS, self harm, school, exams, stress, family issues..and no one truly knows how I feel except for you guys. I love everyone here at PC, I actually feel as though I can trust someone. Even you strangers on the internet...that's quite worrying actually. :/ If my parents knew I used this site they would take my stuff from me again and yell at me like when they discovered my self harm. My mum actually said to me, "Don't we deserve better?" and I snapped. I told her she should never have had me. I wish I was brave enough and strong enough. I don't feel sorry for myself either, even if it sounds like that. I dislike myself very much, actually.

But thanks for reading this mini-rant thing, and if anyone has any advice, please comment.

I'm glad you joined us. it has helped me tremendously coming to pc,too. keep posting to get out your feelings and concerns. we're here for you.

You need a break from the things that are causing extra stress, like school and exams. I know it's important to get your education.. but your health is immportant too. When I was stressing out after being diagnosed, I had to quit work. My thoughts are with you.

Thank you for sharing your difficulties with us! Remember us thinking about you the next time you feel stressed, remember we are here to listen and see if we can maybe tell what we'd try in your situation.

The voice telling you to hit people; I'd maybe try to get around it by carrying a little Lego character around with me and gripping it tightly when you hear the voice; pretend it is the owner of the voice and "hit" it instead (just squeeze it in your pocket while imagining it is the owner of the mean voice, see if that helps).

I'd see if I could buy a sleep mask http://www.dreamessentials.com/categ...-and-eye-masks and see if that might make you feel you had more protection from Blue?

Do you have a list of things that make you feel more comfortable or that comfort you? I'd think about it and make one, see if I couldn't get some ideas of things to distract or comfort me when I was feeling anxious. I carried around a tiny, stuffed, jointed bear with me for awhile, it was my "protector" (named Queen's Knight, I still have him) and having that comforting little secret with me helped me sometimes in stressful situations when I was away from my normal "place" I was familiar with.

Hey WelcomeToTheJungle,

Your doing good in talking to us so don't worry about posting... think it would be more worrying if you didn't post

When are you going to see the people at CAMHS? Did you find the info on your thread regarding this helpful? Also re-search what CAMHS can do for you there is info online about them. I remember when I was 1st going to see my CPN I re-searched like mad as I had never heard of a CPN and didn't know what their job was. I still see my CPN it will be 1 year on 28th January since I have been seeing him and he has helped me loads. He has seen me at my worst and best.

I am concerned that you are having these apparent hallucinations.... I have never had these so I can not really comment. But I would definately recommend a sleep mask like Perna says. Also some calming music? Meditation? I do Tai Chi and that helps me focus and relaxes me. I listen to Angel Meditation Therapy too! If you want check out Amazon and they have loads of cheap cd's on meditation etc!

I hope you find some peace and are able to get some sleep and maybe restore some energy. Try to just concentrate on you and not what other people are asking of you etc. As your just gonna make yourself a million times worse.... believe me been there done that and definately got the t-shirt lol!

Sounds like you have a lot of stressful things going on right now with school and everything. You don't have to feel sorry for posting it is ok. I agree with Perna and Miss Laura, I think those are some great ideas for you to try. I don't think blue will get you when you sleep as your eyes are closed for protection. try and stay calm we are here for you.