[Rhapsody]

I failed.... I did something this morning that I vowed to NEVER do again (i even promised another) - it happened in the mist of hurting and having no one around to hold me - - - I hate me right now..... sigh.

HELP!! - I NEED a ((((((( HUG ))))))) & ((((((( UNDERSTANDING )))))))


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((((Rhapsody))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry. I am here for you. Please try and be kind to yourself. We all do things sometimes when we are hurting and have to learn to forgive ourselves. Please be safe.

[Rhapsody]

Thanks Bear..... I just hate myself even more right now, for I know IF my husband had done the same thing I would be furious with HIM..... on the verge of non-forgiveness and anger, go figure - Why do we turn around and do some of the same things that hurt us when another does it?

BIG BIG BIG SIGH.....................................

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Sabrina]

I have broken so many of my own promises to myself that picking up the pieces has become second nature. ((((((((Rhapsody)))))))))) Please try not to be so hard on yourself.

[Rhapsody]

I know I will try, but I hate having secrets that I must now keep hidden.... and I hate that I let God down even more.

Still SIGHING................................

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Rhapsody]

P.S.
and what am I to do when (and if) my husband fails in this area again and it hurts ME - am I to just let it go for I too am guilty? - or do I confront him about IT for it is wrong?

2 wrongs don't make a right > > > > >

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

((((((((((((((Rhapdosy)))))))))))))))))))

Don't be so hard on yourself sweetie!

[nothemama8]

Dearheart we all make mistakes that's called being human
God forgives everything as long as we try to do better, the hard part is forgiving yourself and we are always here for you
Angie

[Rhapsody]

Not feeling any better .... trying to drown my sorrows in chocolate ice cream with fudge topping. I know its not the best thing to do (eat) when upset, but it beats the alternative - lol.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Sabrina]

Oh dear!!! What is the alternative??

sabrina, fayedy and i sent hugs and kisses to you today...for the entire day. xoxoxo pat

[Rhapsody]

Dear Sabrina,

No fear of the alternative (not today) - I put the bottle away.... I did not really want to use it any ways, it was just my hurt talking louder than my rational thoughts could be heard.... hence why I came here - to seek help on a way out and it worked.
I have been helping others with their issues / pains and with that my own issues seem so little compared to theirs..... THX.

((((((( HUGS )))))))

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{Rhapsody}}}}}}}}}}}} I can only imagine what you did, but I can't imagine anything THAT bad.

Are you under a therapist's care?? You say you are in the process of healing but I'm thinking not. You're too involved in trying to help your husband with things that have wounded YOU. A wound won't heal properly when you keep picking at the scab and making yourself bleed all over again.

Rhapsody, you've hear how passangers on an air liner are instructing in case of an emergency, right? You put the oxygen on YOURSELF FIRST, then you can help others. If not, then YOU will be rendered helpless first.

As I've told you before, I've been where you are now. You MUST take care of YOU FIRST! YOU, RHAPSODY, cannot help your husband with his problems!

[Rhapsody]

My Dear Friend SeptemberMorn,

Thanks.... and ((((((( HUGS )))))))) - it was not so much of what I did this morning that made me feel as I did, but it was the feelings that preceded that action that I was trying to find an escape from in the first place.... and believe it or not it was not over that darn husband of mine, BUT it is all about ME.... Eeeeek, my worst enemy!

While I know that I am not totally healed I am healing from where I was just a few years back.... I now see every hurting episode as a GIFT another opportunity to heal a little bit more and my T has told me that I must feel it all in order to heal and that is what I am trying to do - no matter how hard it gets.
I want to feel it - heal it - then get rid of it..... for good.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.
and YES I am learning that I cannot heal or solve his problems.... hence why I have a hard decision to make in the next few months, before our 20th anniversary in April.

[Rhapsody]

P.S.

Guess the over all feeling was: "I FEEL TRAPPED WITH NO WAY OUT" - I could not leave even if I wanted to for I cannot take care of myself, for I am unable to work, let alone leave the safety of my home on a daily basis, due to my anxiety disorder.... the inner fears that control me at every turn.

BIG SIGH........................

Thanks,
LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Sabrina]

You put the bottle away? Well - to me that is an achievement of absolute note.

I just feel so much for you and your pain now. I wish I could help more. I wish there was something "real" and "constructive" that I could do. Failing that - I will keep you in my heart and thoughts.

[Christina86]

***HUG***

And I'm sending warm positive vibes to you as well.

We all do things we later regret, so don't beat yourself up to much. Even if you make a promise to another person, this doesn't always mean you're going to keep it.

I hope things are better for you soon.