[sometimes]

I feel worried.

Let me tell you about my mum.

She thinks she is fat, but she is very thin. She feels sick, because she doesn't enjoy sex, she is having relationship troubles with my Dad. She feels old and ugly. Her kids, us, are growing up now and she wants another kid so she can feel young again. I think she is often suicidal.

I've been trying to help her.

But i have to be so gentle, you know? She gets very anxious and angry and blames ME for her problems. When she is angry she tells me to kill myself and puts me down. I've explained to her it is projection, deflecting her own feelings about herself onto me. This helps relieve them, but IT IS NOT FAIR ON ME. I really detest it and it hurts very much.

So i am doing some things to help her.

I am sharing some of my music, things i think she would like with her, and trying to get her to explore her interests.

Note: If you wish to criticise this post, please refrain. I do not wish to be told i am imagining the way she treats me. That it is not HER but ME with the problems. Or that i am doing the wrong thing by helping her and am not capable of doing so. This is the kind of criticism which occurs here, i am aware of it.

Sometimes

[brianm101]

I feel bad for you sometimes. I have seen this in the past, and I don't think that it is you. Do you think that she is just having a hard time coping with her age or do you think that there is more to it?

I know that I am new here but if you need someone to talk to about this just pm me ok. I went through a similar experience with my now ex mother-in-law and her daughter. Be well my friend.

[Lexicon78]

A lot of women start to have troubles when their children begin to grow up. When things aren't going well, it seems that many of us, women or not, have difficulty in all areas of our lives. This sounds like what's happening with your mom.

If I am having relationship troubles with my bf, it is practically impossible to enjoy sex with him at all. I think that's a very normal reaction that she's having there. The only thing that would help that was if she would talk to your father.

I think the more women age, the less they think they are attractive and desirable. That is mainly due, not only how they are treated by their mates, but also to how the media chooses to show mature people. They often show that the younger generations are more desirable than the older generations. I find this to be totally wrong. In my opinion, the more mature a woman becomes the more desirable she can be.

It must hurt terribly that no matter what you try to do to help your mom, she shoots you down and abuses you for it. Telling you to kill yourself is abusive, no way around that.

You have such strength and willpower. You should be commended for your efforts, IMO. The only thing I know to do is to reassure your mom that she is a beautiful woman and stand by her as her daughter and friend. Support her when she is down. It would be hard to do with your mom's comments but you sound like you'd do it no matter what she said to you.

I wish you the best of luck with this.

[January]

((((((((((((( Some ))))))))))))))

I think it's wonderful you are helping your Mum and I also think it's wonderful that you realize that the problems are hers and you are not the cause. That's healthy thinking.

I hope she gets better.

Hugs,

Jan

[praxis]

You are a very caring and supportive daughter. Your mum is fortunate to have you in her life. My daughters are all growing up and leaving home too. I've made my share of parenting mistakes and there are many things I would do differently if I could start over. Sometimes I feel hopelessly inadequate as a provider, a nurturer,a role model, and even as a person. My daughters are all such wonderful young women though, I know I must have done more right than wrong. Your mum has obviously done something right in raising you. I hope you will continue to support her, just please keep some healthy boundaries in place. You don't need to get sucked into her unhealthy ways of thinking.

[Greenleaves]

It's very loving of you to help her even though she says such horrible things to you. I hope she can see that love and start to feel better about herself.

[sometimes]

thanks Brian

[sometimes]

Thanks Lex. What you said is very true and supportive!

[sometimes]

Thanks Jan. It is hard to divorce yourself from the problem when you are being told you are the cause! but i try!

[sometimes]

To be honest, praxis, My mum made some major mistakes in raising me. But i am at the stage in my life that i'm ready to face them, stand up for myself and try to set my life back on track. Even though it is so hard!

[sometimes]

Cheers leaves!

[EJ711]

Brian -

I'm impressed how quickly you've summed up the whole situation, and even have a plan of action for such a difficult situation, in which you are in the middle.

Keep us posted.

Jane

[darkeyes]

I think you are doing a good thing with what you wrote. From a middle aged women, I must inform you, this stage in life sucks, emotionally and physically. Maybe the way she talks to you is due to this horrible hormonic change, or that combined with some underlaying disorder. I do not have any answer, but it sounds like you are doing a good thing.
If possible, maybe you can encourage her to get some therapy ?
All I know from being a caregiver myself, is that you are doing right things, and don't feel defeated if things reflect from her about her. Just tell yourself you are doing or have done your best.
I wish you lots of love and luck.

DE

[sometimes]

thanks Darkeyes.