[CluelessBlonde1]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this or not but it seemed like a good place to start, so here I am.

Some background about me: I've led a challenging life. Both parents were alcoholics. My dad was abusive in every way and my mom just looked the other way. As a result, I've been on my own since I was 16. Bad things happen to 16-year-old girls who are out on their own. I'm sure there are some unresolved issues there.

I met my husband when we were both 18 and we've made a very good life for ourselves. After 35 years, we're still very much in love. We enjoy one anothers' company, we spend time together, we like each other as people.

All in all, my life these days is pretty darn good. My two daughters are the kind that every parent wishes for. Smart, witty, beautiful, caring.

Still, I just feel empty sometimes. I don't even know how to describe what I feel. How can I make this better if I don't even know how to talk about it?

[kindachaotic]

It's heartbreaking what happened to you as a child, things most people can't imagine. Please remember it was not your fault!!

I'm not so great with words & we are not professionals. This may have already been suggested to you but a good therapist can help you process these feelings you have from childhood. You sound like your adult life has been really good. It may have helped you sweep your childhood under the rug, so to speak.

I may be way off here, just something to think about.

[CluelessBlonde1]

Thank you, kindachaotic.
I have been to therapy and it was very helpful. I learned that it wasn't my fault and that it didn't mean I was worthless. My parents, I'm sure, did the best they could but they had their own issues, obviously. I've forgiven my parents and have tried to move past all of that.

I'm just not sure what's driving these feelings that I'm having now. I'm not even sure how to describe them. I just feel as though I'm missing something inside (how's that for cliche?!).

Chronic emptiness is definately something i can relate too. It sounds like you have a great family though and a wonderful relationship with your husband. Perhaps you could open up to them more about how you feel and hopefully you can all work together to reach some kind of plan of action? Im estranged from my family but maybe spending a long weekend with your daughters or planning a short break with your husband might help? I don't think theres an easy solution to this problem but trying to connect with your family on an even deeper level or just spending more time with them might really help. Its certainly better than self-isolating and becoming withdrawn from those who love you the most. Good luck.

[CluelessBlonde1]

Thank you, bb2023. I am very close with my daughters and husband and spend as much time with them as possible. That does make me feel happy and fulfilled.

But I can't help but feel as though that contentment should carry over to those times when I'm not with them, like now, when I'm at work. I don't understand how I can feel so hollow now and so full later.

I guess I'm just confused.

Originally Posted by CluelessBlonde1

Thank you, bb2023. I am very close with my daughters and husband and spend as much time with them as possible. That does make me feel happy and fulfilled.

But I can't help but feel as though that contentment should carry over to those times when I'm not with them, like now, when I'm at work. I don't understand how I can feel so hollow now and so full later.

I guess I'm just confused.

I wouldn't beat yourself up, work can be very draining and we can't always spend as much time as we'd like being with those we love. Thats why i try and make the most of time with my friends (when i do finally get to the see them) and although that good feeling might not carry over into the things i hate doing, at least i know ill be able to see them again soon and thats sort of what keeps me going

I hope you find some sort of peace i really do...keep posting on here, we're all ears. Hugs (if ok)

[CluelessBlonde1]

Thanks bb2023. Hugs and kind words like yours are always welcome.

Originally Posted by CluelessBlonde1

Thanks bb2023. Hugs and kind words like yours are always welcome.

Your welcome honey