[Trippin2.0]

I've recently discovered that my memory is selective not sure if that's the correct word...

Eg.1) I don't remember being a 'scary' child. Always thought I was sweet and timid, atleast that's what my memory displays.

Turns out I was a tiny (always the shortest,even n0w) despot! stranger still I played with boys, and they say they took orders from me,or else. or else what?? Was I demented? I know I have a history of blacking out when enraged, that's not the issue, people think I'm scary, was scary all my life... But nobody can say for sure why. And YTF do I not see myself that way as a child? I can understand why at present someone who knows me might call me scary, I'm easily angered and display it, also have a history of violent behaviour (but that was self-defense) still, i won't hold judgement over my friends and family calling me scary. They stick around and for the most part are really good to me.

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble.

Eg.2) went on an amazing holiday with my eldest and youngest brother once. We went exploring,it was a real adventure. My eldest brother moved overseas soon after and I only got the holiday pics a year later. When I recieved the pics i discovered something new.

My then SIL was in the photos!!

I can't remember her being there
there are vague 'glimpses' of her,but nothing concrete in my mind, like for all I know that could be a different holiday. Thing is, if there was bad blood between us then (which there wasn't bcoz my brother would've left her at home) or if she had started divorce proceedings, it would be understandable, that I blocked her out of that holiday, but we were close at the time

There are much more examples of my selective memory, and while I don't expect anybody to answer the 'why' (altho that certainly would be FANTASTIC), can someone atleast tell me they 'do' it too?

[Perna]

Feeling timid/shy/scared and acting that way can be very different things! When we are scared or insecure we have to "control" our environment and that means the people in it. My niece did that; when she was 1-2 would stand at the full-length windows inside the house and "yell at"/boss the kids playing outside down in the circle/street! She couldn't even talk yet so we adults found it funny as she was clearing bossing them around, waving her fists, telling them what to do but this was from inside the house, window closed, they too far away to hear her.

I wouldn't worry about "forgetting" your SIL either; if you liked her and then she "betrayed" you/your brother by divorce then that is painful! It is so much easier to remember things one way, all good or all bad then to realize that life isn't neat like that and there is always both happening at once. What do you remember of that holiday? If you don't remember much at all, then that you don't remember your SIL much is just part of that and/or if something more "exciting" happened with your brother/s that would take your memory away from less exciting/normal occurrences. We remember what is striking much more easily than the "good"/even-tempered stuff.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks perna. I remember the holiday in perfect colour. Each town we stopped at, each B&B/ hotel we stayed at, what we had for breakfast, the oyster festival, the Kango caves, ALL of it. But SIL isn't in any of it

Maybe it's the black and white you mentioned, it is 1 of my 'sins'...

Thanks again

[gma45]

Trippin2.0, Maybe the bossy thing comes from being short? I was pretty bossy and demanding when I was a child, some people have said. Maybe people still think I am? I know I am still always the shortest one. lol! The selective memory is ok, I think because we all see things differently and it is a way to protect our self. In my mind I was shy, now I am told people thought I was stuck up. Oh well I just try and like myself as I do have to live with me! Take care.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks gma! I think you're onto something with the height thing, and also, maybe I shouldn't worry about my memory. But I do wonder what else I have forgotten...

[Umbral_Seraph]

I can't say that my memory is real selective; I forget everthing all the time, no matter what it is!

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Umbral_Seraph

I can't say that my memory is real selective; I forget everthing all the time, no matter what it is!

LOL that must be terrible...

[moggyblue]

Hello

I have many, many memories that are in-complete, unrecalled, patchy or just wrong.
Like you my childhood image is dramatically different to my own idea and I have a holiday I went on 5 years ago that until a few months back I did not even know we had spent time in one particular country.

I do not really know how to explain this, and to be honest until very recently I was not even aware, as they say you do not miss something if you do not know it is gone!

For me I think it may possibly be related to my d'x of BPD (borderline personality disorder) and I also have severe anxiety and dissociation so it sort of explains the lack of memory if these have, as my pdoc theories, been something present since a very young age rather than something that has developed with age. (I wonder if an illness could erase previously intact memories? And I am talking different to cognitive memory issues caused by meds/sleep disorders/eating disorders....)

I hope maybe such a simple possible solution is available for you. I would not worry about it too much, I get very disconcerted that I cannot map my own life, but when I stopped being anxious about it I stopped thinking about it and it does not interrupt my daily life anymore - it is not often you need to recall memories of events....rather than like..math skills or things (but then I do have huge and unexplained gaps in my learning ability, for instance I have a BA in writing and a very low grade in Maths, I struggle to tie shoelaces and do my 3 times table, but no specific learning disability or difference has been found, I am not wondering if it could be connected.)

Wow, thanks for this post it has made me think

and sorry for the lack of serviceable grammar/coherency/spacing/spelling. I am usually on better form than this but I am reacting & withdrawling from a vile mix of meds that leaves me pretty reliant on touch type and for osme reason it seems i cannot fathom commas and touch-type at the same time!

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks for the input.No need for apologies btw I'm bpd too, so maybe there might be a correlation.

I hope you feel better soon

[TheaJA]

I go through something similar, I have friends tell me I look murderous, scary, and intimidating. Thats when I feel calm and content. And I can't look innocent without pouting or being extremely sad. I don't remember being that bad but apparently people were terrified of me in middle school. I hope I don't seem nearly as bad now. :/

Trippin, I seem to have a pretty odd memory thing going on too. Selective? Maybe. At times it seems I have a very photographic like memory, and other times, I simply cannot remember at all, or it's seems distorted when talking with others about the same time. One thing I notice is that when I come down off a manic episode, there will be many things I can't recall at all.

I'm really short too, I'm gonna exaggerate and say I'm a full 5 feet, not very scary tho. I picked up a bad habit of very large loud tacky jewelry to compensate I am guessing. ahh maybe it is scary.

[Trippin2.0]

Oh Anika!! I doubt it's the jewellery that's scary

My memory's usually photographic too, that's why this discovery was unsettling...
Thanks for your input

[ingalot]

people have often been scared by me. i've been accused of giving someone a 'death stare' when i was just looking at someone. I've been accused of saying and doing things i don't recall doing (last year i was told that someone told that person that i had hit the wall and accused someone of always lying and saying stuff about me)...... every time i got into trouble, i couldn't remember what i had done, but people said i did...... which considering my history of unexpected anger, made me look bad.

i hope that you don't get into any trouble like me.... and i hope it gets better