Please I need advice

I have a 4 year old son. he is the best behaved little man you would ever meet. My problem is that he is AFRAID of washing his hair. He screams he kicks he cries My husband has to hold him down while he begs for him to let go and he screams mommy please save me. He needs to have his hair washed but after today we don't know what to do. He is not afraid of water and we always use baby shampoo. It breaks our hearts to wash his hair.

Fear of water could be said to be one of the more natural fears, or phobias - like fear of heights, yet while natural these phobias still need to be treated with respect.

People often ask what causes a fear of water, but there is no single answer - human beings can develop fears of anything - from buttons to balloons (we have seen them all), but the good news is that.... any fear / phobia is a learned response, therefore it can be 'unlearned' - YOU need to re-educate your sons unconscious mind to relax around water.

Try asking your son what he THINKS will happen to him when he is in the water.... what does his child like (wild) imagination see (and predict) when he feels the water being poured over his head?
After you have learned all about his thought process behind the matter, take some time and discuss it with him, he needs to be redirected to the TRUTH about water - let him know that water is not unpleasant or scary.... that water can actually be his friend.

Try giving him goggles to wear and see if this item seems to calm him while in the water.

Good Luck....


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Kali -

I like the goggle idea, and asking him what he thinks is going to happen to him, like Rhapsody said.

My big St. Bernard doesn't like baths. When I took her to a groomers once, it took three people to get her in the bathtub.

Hugs,

EJ

Your son won't die if you don't wash his hair. When i was little, we lived in a freezing apartment that was heated by a coal stove in the kitchen. In the winter, if we didn't keep the faucet turned on and water running in the sink, the pipes would freeze. The sink was edged in a ring of ice. That was more than fifty years ago and I'm still here!

It seems to me that you are going to have to re-build trust between you and your son about hair washing. I'd play some soothing music and invite him to "watch you" and your husband wash your hair for a few weeks - ALWAYS with the same music playing softly in the background. It might be something that he likes and chooses. Ask him for suggestions. When he feels secure that you will not insist that he get his hair washed, invite him to help wash yours and/or your husband's hair. Always have the same music playing. Then see if he would be willing to wash his own hair - with the same music playing. I think it might work. You certainly don't want to traumatize him. It might even be important to wash hair in a different setting - different bathroom or even the kitchen so as to change the environment.

You might even have him help you "write and illustrate" a book for children about a little boy who doesn't like to have his hair washed. If he agrees, you might get some insight as to his fears about hair washing.

Thank you for all your suggestionsI will try them and see if they work. Although his fear is not of water but of washing his hair.

Kaligirl99,

Lots of children get frightened when having their hair washed.

Try to make a game of it and distract him by getting him to sing his favourite song while you do it.

Try to appear calm yourself, and if he stops singing the song, join in with him, so that it does not become a battle!

Hi KaliGirl,

If you go to your local drugstore, there is a product that is used in hospitals to wash hair for patients who are bedridden. It is something you just lather in, and you don't have to rinse out. I wonder if it might be worth trying it one time and see if your son feels any differently about it? I also agree that using the goggles may help. It could be that he doesn't like the soap getting in his eyes, as many children don't like this. If using this special shampoo helps, it may also help you to figure out more things about the hair-washing process that are difficult for him. You'll be removing a lot of the parts of the process this way. You may be able to talk with him, if he is more relaxed then, about what parts of the hair-washing are difficult, and try to find some ways to make it all go a little smoother for him and for everyone :-)

Take care,
ErinBear

PS The special shampoo doesn't even need to be used at bath-time. It can be used at any time, even while he's dressed! It doesn't need rinsing, and you just towel dry it off afterwards. It's pretty amazing. It doesn't do a perfect job, but it does clean the hair fairly well.

Kali, I've had the same experiences with my kids as well as my grandkids. What I have done is wash their hair first then put them in the tub. I cleared off my kitchen counter and laid them on it, placing a rolled up towel under their neck. I filled up the side of the sink farthest away from them with water so they wouldn't have to hear the water running. Starting from the lowest part of his head, start wetting his hair with a bowl, very slowly, talking calmly and very quietly. Slowly move up on his head till most of his hair is wet. Then soap it up! You might have a mirror handy so you can "make a clown" or other silly things... if his hair is long enough.

If it's short, and it won't break your heart, you could buzz it and then just wipe his little skull of with a washcloth! ( Babies are SO precious!)

I've never tried the goggles, but it might be a good idea, IF that doesn't scare him, too! If he's not acquainted with wearing goggles, that might serve to scare him more wondering why he has to "prepare" to get his head wet.

When you rinse his hair, again start from the lowest part and work your way up being VERY careful to not get his face wet... even if it means pushing the shampoo away from his hair line with your free hand.

You'll eventually gain his trust.

Good luck!

My son has sensory integration dysfunction and when he was a little guy even younger than 4 years old, it was a nightmare to wash his hair. He also was not afraid of water but really hated the hair washing thing. It was a sensory issue. For him, the head rubbing was actually hurting him, it was painful for him. And so he created a fuss.

Someone mentioned it earlier - the child will not die if the hair is not washed. We settled for just a tub bath. Water could be splashed about - but not in the face and not on the head. We got him to lay down in the tub with just enough water to come up to his ears - and make water angels. The little bit of water flow got the hair wet and since it was a soapy bath, the hair got some cleaning by accident. Using force was not helpful and only made the situation worse.

Intervention for sensory integration dysfunction is occupational therapy which helped our son out a lot. If you think maybe your son is having a sensory moment - I would suggest the book "the out of sync child" which was really helpful for us.

My son is 11 now and swims like a fish, washes his own hair without a fuss. It all worked out.

Best of luck

How about letting him lather it in but start out with him washing his hands arms and slowly work on up when he gets to the point where you ask him to wash his hair hold a mirror up so that he can watch himself wash his hair. At this age anyway is when children start learning how to bathe and washthemselves anyway. So why not include his doing his own hair just like his washing his own face and other body parts.

I had a friend whos child was afraid of his parents washing his hair because it wasn't something he did on his own and when parents don't allow children to do something on their own its because whatever it is they cant do usually has an element of danger or unsafeness in it so this child naturally felt it was dangerous and unsafe to wash his hair. When I took that element out by having him do it himself with a unbreakable childs mirror he was no longer afraid of hair washing.

What an excellent idea.
Reminds me of when my son hated to have his haircut, then over time he saw how long it took for them to cut it, he preferred "buzzes", once he saw it was just noise, no hurts.
Now at 19yo, he has long hair. So funny how from buzzes to only long hair now. They grow and change so quickly,eh?

DE