[red_rose]

Is there anyone out there can help us with a child that we don't know what to do with? we have a child that has a behavor problem, This has been going on sence she was very little, She can do anything that you can think of. She scrams ,yells.kicks ects, Everything the foster parents,T, many others have said to try different things nothing is working, She has visits with her father on weds. and that is a night mare ,We can't get her to do her homework without a fighting match. Everthing we have taken away and don nothing works .we are at the end of our rope with her. She is getting T. This is very stressfull on her father with his mental illness If she keeps on this road she is able to hurt someone realy bad, The school she is in is a privite one and they don't know what to do eather ,She was in puplic school and got kicked out. We are getting to the point were we are going out of our mines to try to figure out what to do. Is there any who can give us some advice on what to do or any help. We will be glad for all the help on this.

[Danialla]

How old is your daughter?

Is she on any meds?

Have you tried a "positive" behavior modification program.......like a token system where she can "earn" things instead of having things taken away?

And remember "CONSISTENCY" is the most important thing when trying to address a behavior problem.

[desirae]

That's a difficult question. It's very sad to see a child so out of control, I'm sure it's very hard for all the people involved.

If she is already receiving therapy and is being dealt with by social services, then all that can be done, is being done. Hopefully with time she will mature and get healthier.

Maybe medication change, and intense treatment may be the answer. I know from personal experience with the children I was in facilities with, they were placed there as the last resort. They seemed to get better with time.

I know something, and all, that can be done, needs to be done now because it may take years, and entering adulthood in a healthy state is crucial.

Yet sometimes these sorts of situations are out of our control, and we have to let others in an experienced field deal with it.

I really hope it works out for the baby, the parents, and the people working with her.

[red_rose]

She is 11 years old and not on any medication . she is not my child she is someone else is child.

[Danialla]

Hi Red Rose......Is that someone else in the child's life?

[red_rose]

Her father and myself and her foster parents.her fathers parents are involed in her life her mother is not apart of her life. it is my boyfriend child.

[Danialla]

Is the mom involved at all? Where does the child spend most of her time?

It will probably be hard in the beginning, to get everyone on the same page with regards to acceptable behavior, but it is not impossible..honest!

[red_rose]

her mother is not involed and wants nothing to do with the child .she goes to school and other activities she does with her foster parents, her father gets her one day a week.They do alot of activites with her when she is good when she acts up she doesn't do any of the fun things that they do.

[Danialla]

What kind of behavior got her kicked out of the public school?

She really does have quite a bit of stuff to deal with......and having her for only one day a week really limits the amount of input you have on her overall behavior.

But what you can give her, is consistent expectations for her behavior when she is with you.......and lots and lots of love!!

She is lucky that she has people like you who care and love her.......although she may not appreciate it right now........ just keep letting her know you love her........with no strings attached.

[Zen888]

Has the child been sexually or physically abused? This may be a reason for her acting out.

Dubz

[katheryn]

my thoughts are with you my daughter is now 21she has behavioural problems and learning dificuloties she was also diagnosed with add while at school she was very hard work because her mind was not maturing so she stayed say pre school it wasnt untill she was nearly 11that she was put on meds , she was put on ritilin1 of the first children in britain to start using this drug this helped her to learn ,
she isnt on ritilin now but tegretol retard for mood swings and risperdone she still has behavioural problems and still hasnt caught up with her true age ,
i know this isnt alot of help but i was wondering if she has any form of learning problems because this alone will make a child act up because they get so frustrated on top of not having anything to do with her mam will be confusing for her also shes at the age were young girls start to change and this also can confuse her, stick with the letting her now shes lovedand hopefully things might start to ease good luck

[red_rose]

she was abused by her mother and she is not on any meds. there are not disablies that show on all the tests they have done on her, she is a normal 11 year old

is everyone she has contact with following the same rules for her. sometimes when "challenging type children" are exposed to conflicting rules and discipline they don't know what is expected of them. they either try to please everyone or please no one because its a no win situation.

How about her schedules - eat at the same time every day, go to bed at the same time every day do homework at the same time every day, specific chores that need to be done at the same time every day. The more routine and scheduled my sons day is it leaves less time for his acting out,

Also you said she is 11. I hate to say this but most girls start going through hormonal changes at this age. you might say she's pms ing without the m. its the bodys way of preparing for that even if she hasn't had it yet.

You might also try doing the unexpected. when you know her behavour is to get this or that emotion thing and so on do the opposite. When she yells whisper instead of yelling back. she has to stop yelling in order to hear you and she's expecting you to yell back so it will also shock her that you are not yelling back. Say yes and ok to some of those things she fully expects a no to so is winding up for a temper tantrum to fight for what she want's.

She's 11 and knows homework is a requirement. so she may be like my son using the homework issue to get attention or whatever. so take the battle out of it. have homework time the same time every day. she doesn't do it she doesnt do it. she's the one that has to deal with the consequenses at school of missing recess, detention, peer pressure and so on.

My son used to use homework as a battleground. so one day his therapist and I sat down with him during family therapy and told him he's 9 years old not a baby. I should not have to play the babysitter and force him to do what is expected - his homework. fro that day on he was responsible for getting it done he doesn't he gets the consequences of no recess and so on. by choosing not to do his homework he is choosing not to have recess and so on during schooltime. for a few days he came home sat down and did his homework then the third day he came home sat down then said Im not doing it. I ignored him and went on with what I was doing. He started throwing his homework temper tantrum. I said nothing to him and ignored his throwing the homework around just kept on with what I was doing. he brought his papers to me and strted ripping them up in front of me. I turned my back and walked into another room , not saying anything to him. He went off to play. I still did not call him back. The next day he went to school. When he came home I did not talk about the day before. He ate his after school snack and went out to play. He didn't do his homework BUT there was no temper tantrum. The next day he went to school. That afternoon he came home and sat down and did him homework for the past two days and that days homework too. when he was done he brought it to me and said - my homework is all done. I looked at him and told him fantastic would he like to pick something that him and I could do together. He chose going to a movie. We went to the movie. from that day on there were no more homework battles. He knew it was expected and I was not going to fight over it. If he chose to do it we had time for other more enjoyable things, he chose not to do it he had the consequenses at school to deal with for not bringing in his assignments completed.

His chores here at home were worked the same way. I stayed out of his temper tantrums as much as possible and If he broke anything during his temper tantums he had to work the replacement cost and purchase that item himself. Since I live in an appartment complex he also had to work of the damages with the manager.

[Zen888]

In my own opinion she is not a normal 11 year old girl. Being abused (sexually, emotionally, or physically) changes you completely.

Dubz

[red_rose]

The reason why she was kicked out of puplic school is bouse of behavor. Everyone is on the same page with everything that is going on . I know it isn't normal for someoe to be abused , What I meant is that she is narmal for an 11 year old on school work, I know her behavor is not normal for a 11 year old

[wizzard]

Well unfortunatly my ex wife was dating a child molester when my daughter was just an infant, before I had any control of her life IE: custody etc... but the answer is yes there was an ( I wish I could refer to him here like I want to) molester that sexually abused my daughter when she was just a baby and I don't know if this is the reason she is acting out or what.

Well I have some ideas.

First of all, it may benefit you to find a way to befriend her in some ways.

I don't mean not exherting any parent or role model status to her at all. Moreso what I mean is the best way to reach a child, is to be a child yourself.

Ok, let me clarify that again lol before people think im...er.. crazy :P

what I mean is find something that she loves, something that shes passionate about. Maybe its horses, maybe its reading, maybe its clothes.. and whatever it is, engage in it with her. Find openings in it to talk about how she feels and why she acts out.

for example - child likes barbie dolls. you and child play barbies. Child acts oout a scene where one of the barbies gets really angry -
You could use this to say something like "hey, you know the other day/today/whenever when you got really angry, what made you that angry?

and then, what I usually try to do is share something from my own experience from a similar trying.

For example. I might say " you know, one time blah blah blah happened, and I got SO MAD that I blah blah blah. But now that I think about it, it might have been better if I blah blah blah.

These moments are few and far between, but you have to grab them when they come up.

Try and remember too that a childs mind, no matter what they think, works a little different than an adults.
hope this helps.