[Yesterdays]

I honestly don't know what my problem is. I've always been a kind person, and I hate seeing other people suffer. I always want to help people when I can, and make their lives easier. So why do I get so angry and so mean to my family? I don't understand. It's like I become a different person and if I could control my actions I wouldn't even care enough to do so. It's like I'm this emotionless person that doesn't care if I hurt someone's feelings or not. And if you knew me, you'd know that that's definitely not who I normally am.

I hate myself more than anything in this world. I hate my personality. I hate how I look. I hate myself in every possible way. So add this to that, and imagine how much I despise myself. Part of me just thinks "I'm only a teenager, why should I have to be dealing with all of this," and the other part of me thinks that there isn't anything wrong with me, and I'm just a heartless *****.

I don't know what to do. I wish I wasn't who I am...

[Trippin2.0]

I can relate to most of what you're going thru...
As a teenager I could be the kindest most caring, friendliest and helpful person... That is, until I stepped thru our front door.

Idk what it was about my family or our home that was so triggering, I come from a good loving home, but being at home almost ALWAYS made me angry. I couldn't stand being at home for long, I got angry, lashed out and just upset everyone, including myself without any good reason. Needless to say, I spent most of my time elsewhere till I was 19 and forced to be at home alot coz I had a baby...

Idk, I don't have any answers, maybe being home made me feel trapped, maybe it was hormones or teen angst. I just wanted you to know I hear you

ps. You're a good person, don't ever doubt that.

[shezbut]

((Yesterdays))

Are you being treated for depression, or any other disorders? Perhaps working with a T could help you gain better perspective to what's going through your mind. Sometimes, hormones can be the cause. Certain medical illnesses are known to have biological threads (it runs in the family). Other times, we run through tough times and don't have the greatest coping skills to help us work through our emotions.

Going to a doctor, and sharing your recent struggles should be helpful to you. Try to be more kind to yourself ~ we are most often our toughest critics & need to give ourselves a little break sometimes.

[lightningscar8]

I'm sorry you feel so down. I am in kind of the same "self hatred boat", however there are somethings I like about myself. When I take the time to think about these things, I actually begin to feel a lotbetter towards myself. I bet the same could work for you.
I also feel very similiartowards my family. I really don't want to be mean towards anyone, but my family can really drive me up the wall! You're not a bad person for getting annoyed.
Maybe talking to a T could help? Hoping ya feel better!
PS....luv Darren Criss too!

[Tomjones]

I get the feeling there's something getting to you, and you're taking it out on your family because they'll always be there..