[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I've spent the last two months or so completely avoiding this website. It's what I needed. I even went so far as to ask docjohn to delete my user account mainly to avoid temptation of being on this site. I'm only back now for this one post. And I'm only doing this because really it only took one random person to say this to another person and me to hear it for it to sink in and start working on me.

In passing I heard a stranger say to their aquaintance "You're too far in your head, you've got to get out of your head." and it seemed to really sink in with me. Life is really hard, for some of us it's unbearable. That's the reason for my blackouts, reality was just too much to live with. But a lot of my anxiety, my fear, my sadness... A lot of it was because I was burried too deep in my own head. Always focused on me.

Always focused on how my body felt, how my spirit felt, how I was acting and feeling, I just focused all of my energy on me. While putting some time for yourself, when it becomes all of your thinking, all of your ideas, you eat sleep and breathe thinking about yourself, it will drive you crazy.
So I found a hobby. And then another. And then another. Something to do with my hands. First one didn't work. Second one didn't work. Eventually though, the persistance paid off because I was focusing more on finding a suitable hobby then on my anxiety my depression etc. It didn't fix the problem but eventually I was able to find something that I enjoyed, kept my mind and hands busy and kept my thoughts off negative thoughts. Which let's face it, negative thoughts are a rather large percent of mental illness. So I found a distraction. And I put the energy I used to put into negative thinking, I turned around and put that energy into my hobby.
Now I've only had one anxiety attack in 2 months when I was averaging 10 or so a day. I was miserable afraid of everything, seeing things, hearing things, but now the sea has calmed.

We don't realize just how wrapped up in ourselves we become and it will eat you alive. Take a look at your thinking habits, how many times a day do you think and say "I feel" while granted feelings can be overwhelming and you can't help but think these thoughts, but when you catch yourself thinking them, try to change that thinking into something else. Whether you go out and play a little basketball or you can pick up knitting, really anything that keeps you from negative thinking and back in the world.
When I have my psychotic episodes, when my schizophrenia peaks, I start drifting into a space between this world and the world in my head. And I kind of just sit there. I can't really tell if I'm in my own world or the real world, the line becomes hazy. The anxiety takes over and it's constant fear, panic, depression, anger, doubt... I know it doesn't cure the problem I know it doesn't solve all of the built up issues over time but if it works to get me out of that hole for just 5 minutes, it's more than I could have hoped for. But it's gotten me out of my hole for the last two months, more than I could ever imagine it would do. And I will keep it up.

So I can't keep coming on pc, it's addictive to me, I have an obsessive personality and it just wouldn't work for me. But I felt strong enough to come on here to post a little something I've learned, so maybe somewhere there is someone in a similar boat, that just needs to hear those words, hear that to get out of the dark hole that seems to be suffocating them. There's always hope, I'm proof of that.

[Fresia]

Thank you for coming back to share what you have learned.

It's really great that you found something that helps to lessen the attacks and see where this can be helpful. I can relate to how hard it can be to change the thoughts and behaviors, and to find the things that will work to help them. I too have to find a sense of balance with addictive behaviors, needing to adjust behavior for these as well. In that PC is a behavior requiring a change, I also miss you if you do decide to take a break or to even go, but understand. No matter what you decide, I will continue to wish you all the best in all your endeavors and in finding what works best for you. Be well meanwhile and take really good care.

[lynn P.]

Thank you for sharing and this is a very profound observation you've made. Good for you in doing good self care.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

I've spent the last two months or so completely avoiding this website. It's what I needed. I even went so far as to ask docjohn to delete my user account mainly to avoid temptation of being on this site. I'm only back now for this one post. And I'm only doing this because really it only took one random person to say this to another person and me to hear it for it to sink in and start working on me.

In passing I heard a stranger say to their aquaintance "You're too far in your head, you've got to get out of your head." and it seemed to really sink in with me. Life is really hard, for some of us it's unbearable. That's the reason for my blackouts, reality was just too much to live with. But a lot of my anxiety, my fear, my sadness... A lot of it was because I was burried too deep in my own head. Always focused on me.

Always focused on how my body felt, how my spirit felt, how I was acting and feeling, I just focused all of my energy on me. While putting some time for yourself, when it becomes all of your thinking, all of your ideas, you eat sleep and breathe thinking about yourself, it will drive you crazy.
So I found a hobby. And then another. And then another. Something to do with my hands. First one didn't work. Second one didn't work. Eventually though, the persistance paid off because I was focusing more on finding a suitable hobby then on my anxiety my depression etc. It didn't fix the problem but eventually I was able to find something that I enjoyed, kept my mind and hands busy and kept my thoughts off negative thoughts. Which let's face it, negative thoughts are a rather large percent of mental illness. So I found a distraction. And I put the energy I used to put into negative thinking, I turned around and put that energy into my hobby.
Now I've only had one anxiety attack in 2 months when I was averaging 10 or so a day. I was miserable afraid of everything, seeing things, hearing things, but now the sea has calmed.

We don't realize just how wrapped up in ourselves we become and it will eat you alive. Take a look at your thinking habits, how many times a day do you think and say "I feel" while granted feelings can be overwhelming and you can't help but think these thoughts, but when you catch yourself thinking them, try to change that thinking into something else. Whether you go out and play a little basketball or you can pick up knitting, really anything that keeps you from negative thinking and back in the world.
When I have my psychotic episodes, when my schizophrenia peaks, I start drifting into a space between this world and the world in my head. And I kind of just sit there. I can't really tell if I'm in my own world or the real world, the line becomes hazy. The anxiety takes over and it's constant fear, panic, depression, anger, doubt... I know it doesn't cure the problem I know it doesn't solve all of the built up issues over time but if it works to get me out of that hole for just 5 minutes, it's more than I could have hoped for. But it's gotten me out of my hole for the last two months, more than I could ever imagine it would do. And I will keep it up.

So I can't keep coming on pc, it's addictive to me, I have an obsessive personality and it just wouldn't work for me. But I felt strong enough to come on here to post a little something I've learned, so maybe somewhere there is someone in a similar boat, that just needs to hear those words, hear that to get out of the dark hole that seems to be suffocating them. There's always hope, I'm proof of that.

there you are! I have been wondering how you have been. So glad that you are doing well and your absence from here was a good thing for you.

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

In passing I heard a stranger say to their aquaintance "You're too far in your head, you've got to get out of your head." and it seemed to really sink in with me. Life is really hard, for some of us it's unbearable. That's the reason for my blackouts, reality was just too much to live with. But a lot of my anxiety, my fear, my sadness... A lot of it was because I was burried too deep in my own head. Always focused on me.

I know many people who have caused their own symptoms or caused their own symptoms to become worse by self analyzing / self diagnosing / obsessing/ focusing too much upon their self that they block out/ ignore / dissociate reality because its not matching up to their dreams / internal world / is too traumatizing.. I used to be one of those people too. now I focus more on helping others and leaving the self analyzing /..... to my therapist and during my therapy sessions...

I am so happy for you that you now know what and why you have been having anxiety and "black outs"... finally you have the answers you have needed for a long time.

thank you so much for coming in to tell us how you are doing and why we havent seen you around here. I wont say good bye (I dont want to sabatoge your decision by a big emotional goodbye) so see you later alligator, Heres a hug or hand to carry along with you to know you are not alone and I have confidence in you. you go girl the world is a fantastic place.