I need to know what's wrong with me

I don't know how to label myself, don't know what's wrong. I feel like if I did I would at least feel more secure with myself, or better about it. But that's probably not even true.

I'm so impulsive, making decisions I would never make in a normal state. It happens every day, for a couple of hours. I'll feel really unlike myself, really sexual or really outgoing when I'm normally a very shy person. I feel it getting me into trouble, like when I'm looking at inappropriate stuff online or going into chat rooms and talking to people twice my age when I know that's something you should not do.

I'm losing myself to my mental illness, whatever it may be. It hurts my relationships, and I'm not realizing that it has for a long time now. I'm obsessive, clingy, I do everything to make sure my friends stay with me, because I know I'm not good enough for them to stick around. Maybe if I make them happy enough to be my friend then they will.

I've googled the possible causes of all this, right now I'm convinced I might have Borderline Personality Disorder, but when I try to bring it up to my psychiatrist it doesn't make a difference; I'm sixteen, I can't be diagnosed with anything. Maybe I'm bipolar. Who the hell knows. I am just so sick of this. I want to be normal.

I don't know who I am. I'm so confused about so many things in my life. My sexuality, whether or not I want to be friends with the people I am friends with. Maybe it's teenager stuff, but maybe it's not. All I know is I'm going crazy. And I don't know what to do.. :'(

i hope you find a way to make peace with your conditions, and learn how to accept yourself for who you are, a unique and special, everyday person~ best wishes,, Gus

People aren't usually diagnosed early with personality disorders. That's a good thing. I know it feels like labels make things easier but they don't. And labels don't mean anything, they're actually mainly just for insurance reasons and for doctors to coordinate care easier.

Just trust the process with your pdoc. Trust him and talk to him and be open. Are you just getting meds from him or therapy too? Do you know what's triggered your personality changes? Any additional stress or has anything triggered you?

If your pdoc can't help you directly, maybe he could recommend a counselor of some sort; someone you can talk to who can help you navigate your difficulties?

I would work on safe, healthy ways to engage the sexual and other energy instead of letting myself go into chat rooms, etc.; treat it as "energy" and work on tasks at hand longer, better. Figure out what a healthy eating plan and how much sleep you need (I "tested" myself in my 20's and found I needed 9 hours a night!) and how to get good sleep, etc. With hormones and growth happening as a teen, it is even more important to make sure the building blocks are well formed so you don't have as much trouble in the future!

I'm not a dr. so I can't tell you one way or another, but it sounds like you are bipolar, and those moments are when you are in a manic state. The best thing to do is to talk to your dr at least about the way you are feeling. Do you see a therapist regularly? That also can help and it gives you more time to talk than just seeing a psychiatrist usually.

hey i dont know but im going through the same thing