Body Problems

Hey PC folks, I have a question about body image I guess (and PLEASE don't move this to "Women's Issues" 'cuz it's not just a Women's issue)
I've always struggled, like most women I know, to embrace my body fully and feel entirely confident about my looks. I also feel strongly that looks are maybe the least important characteristic of a person, and put a lot of energy into denying my how-I-look anxiety...but I still have fun playing with my image and dangit...I like to feel pretty sometimes!
Anyways...even in my most confident moments, I can get caught off guard by recognizing the certain "flaws" that bother me the most. My immediate response to catching a reflection of my too-big Italian nose, large butt, or too-short legs, is a feeling of horror and disgust...followed by shame and regret for even thinking for a second that I could be beautiful.
This superficial, self- hating, overly critical self-judgement goes against everything I stand for! I hate that women and girls are trained to over-analyze and breakdown their physical weaknesses based on a totally biased and limited definition of beauty...but still, I can't help but be disgusted (and it IS a feeling of Disgust) at my own "undesirable" body parts.
Looking in the mirror and thinking, "yuck" ...it sucks
Do any of you all have any experience-based advice on how to shut off the internal $h!+-talking?

Yep, I can definitely relate. I am disgusted by myself (always have been), but sometimes I do take an extra effort to look pretty, usually to no avail though

I don't have any advice, but when I have one of those self-deprecating moments I think about something that an old friend once sent me when I was telling him about how ugly I feel. It usually makes me feel a little bit better and I hope it can help you too I will translate it and write it here.

... Did you know that ... ?
- if the manequinnes in the shop windows would be real women, they couldn't have children because their hips would be too narrow
- there are 3 billion women in the world who don't resemble at all a super top model and only 8 that actually are super top models
- Marylin Monroe was a size 42 and the size 42 of those days corresponds to a size 46 of our days (Italian sizes, I don't know the US equivalent, sorry)
- if Barbie were a real woman, she could only walk on all fours because her proportions wouldn't allow her to stand up straight
- the average woman weighs 66kg
- 20 years ago top models weighed 8kg less than the average woman, nowadays they weigh 23kg less
- the models we see on magazines are photoshopped and actually look very different from the impossible standard of "beauty" those ads are setting
- a survey taken in 1995 revealed that 70% of women feel depressed and guilty after reading a women's magazine

Since this isn't in women's issues I can play too right?
Okay I obviously don't have experience to relate to but I agree with you that "... looks are maybe the least important characteristic of a person..."
And yet
Try thinking of it this way: that's your opinion that your nose is too big and your butt is too big and your legs are too short.
Of course there are different body types and popcult says there is an ideal. And some people do have ideals although they may be programmed ideals.
Vive la difference
And hey...guys suffer the same thing right? Are there any women here who can honestly say that they don't judge a book by it's cover to one degree or another?

I would love to hear about this, too, because I feel much of the same as you do, KG8. The issues I have with my body include my crooked teeth (which have never had a cavity!) and my horrible acne problem that I’ve had issues with for the last 9 years. (It’s not regular acne, it’s a genetic, horribly painful condition and that has some gruesome stories.) Nothing like a 2 inch puss filled lump on my face!

What advice do I have? Well in the body thread I made others said that they envy me because of the passions I have and that the inside is more important. While all true, it doesn’t negate the issue of self-criticism.

Not sure what to say? In my honest opinion, though, a large nose, a big butt, and short legs are nothing to be worried about . I understand analyzing everything and dwelling on a perceived flaw, but I don’t think those are flaws at all . (And you’re married, aren’t you? Think about that! .)

The best advice I've received is to avoid saying anything to yourself you wouldn't tell someone else, like a friend or a random stranger .

Big hugs for KG8!

Hi KeepGoing8,

i think most of women have this problem , well some just have it worst, mine is worst, i never like my body to the point i dont really look in the mirror there's always something that i hate about my body, like my boobs its too big, my hair boring, my face looks weird and my belly is so big and the list goes on and doesnt matter how much compliment that i got about my look i believe none of it, i always feel fat and ugly and no one ever want me

recently i start doing this, every time someone give me a compliment i learned how to say " thank you" and thats it no more words doesnt matter what is in my head i just smile and say thank you , with a hope someday i will believe it but i know its a long journey ! so damn hard but i try my best

well yourself is your best enemy, just remember that
and i agree with Mr. Venomous, " to avoid saying anything to yourself you wouldn't tell someone else, like a friend or a random stranger " make your self your own best friend .

"Looking in the mirror and thinking, "yuck" ...it sucks
Do any of you all have any experience-based advice on how to shut off the internal $h!+-talking? "

Hi. " Experience-based advice"? You asked for, correct?

Yes. My daughter is going on 35 years old. When she was little, and when she was a teen... she asked me on a daily basis "How do I look ma?" aft a lifetime of fear that I was a freak (I used to ask the same question of my mother; this woman used to reply: "It doesn't matter what you look like, all that matters is what's inside"..... which caused me to believe I must be exceptionally ugly, because everyone used to look at me when I was in public... men stared at me... I was ashamed --thus , I thought I was a "freak" of some sort!)

...my reply to my daughter was an honest one...: "You are beautiful inside and out". She was, and now, she no longer needs me to tell her this. She knows it.

How to stop the negative chatter? Look in the mirror... look! (((((((((((KG8)))))))))))!!!!

*cackle cackle, said the witch who lost her broomstick**

Now, look deep into your eyes that look at you... I bet you are beautiful.

Forget the stereotypes... no one equals a label. No one person looks, or is the same as another ... forget what you have seen on TV. Forget all that nonsense.

Now, just smile at you... that's how I learned to stop it in my life.

And, my daughter's son will tell you... "My mommy is beautiful" and sing you a tune from Cars....



..... Hey? Stay Beautiful? My grandson is two, by the way:, "beautiful" is not gender specific to him!!throb: pax all....theo

**oops! He just came in, tapped on his sippy cup, and cleared his throat.... "Wadies and genamen, heeeeerrrres' Nana!" and sang it to me as this "old witch" took a bow before our imaginary audience***LMAO!!!

(oh, and... in case anyone did not get it? So often, I am mistaken in my posts here...guess, I'm just not "clear" enough??? I am one female who does NOT "Judge a book.... yada ...yada..)

I was thinking about defenses, personal characteristics, triggers, etc. last night and thinking about how it is "good" that I'm anxious, for example, as I plan and work well on possible future problems which could be helpful to my "clan" and someone with OCD, for example, might be a life saver with checking to make sure there are no problems with the clan's defense, etc.

I have learned to embrace that I gained too much weight (am obese) as my body took the brunt of things so I could function; kind of like I believe my nighttime dreams were ugly/difficult so I could function during the day, interpersonally.

If there's an oxygen problem, you want that big nose that can take in more or a cute little button one? Bet you have more nose hairs trapping dust, germs, etc. and don't get as sick, as many colds as the next person? Every fall on that bottom? Padding is not a bad thing to have, my husband won't ride a bicycle because it hurts his flat little male bottom? And I bet the short legs are study; I once wrote a poem about myself as "a race horse in pony clothing"

I try to appreciate what my body does for me. How proud of your thinking/emotional skills is your Body of you? Reverse the "person" in charge?

^^^^^^^^^thank you Perna!! ^^^you said it all in much fewer words, and with so much more humor than I did, as always; "succinct, and right there!!" Kudos!!!!!............theo