[The Fox & the Hound]

Its horrible, I emotionally hurt some people. But I would never physically harm them.

So, It tends to just be this one person, who is actually my Best Friend.

I tend to criticize her on a lot. Basically on everything. I say that she is weak,not smart, ugly, & few other things.

I will get mad if she doesn't agree with me. The I will get mad at her again.I never wanted her to be/talk to anyone else that aren't my friends.

Again,I get mad at her if she talk to someone. Or someone talks to her.

So

[1776]

Maybe you're addicted to schadenfreude. Either that or you're a sadist. I hope an expert weighs in.

I have this problem. I don't know what to call it either.

[FeelingOpaque]

I do that and I noticed I start doing it when I feel like I'm useless because I don't think I can do anything really well, so I ***** on others when they do something good.

[The Fox & the Hound]

Sometimes, I feel bad doing it, & other times I don't.

Also I do try stopping it,but it can be really hard sometimes.

[0w6c379]

I don't see how she could possibly be your best friend when you **** on her and talk about her like that. And then, you're not even sorry you did it to boot! I can't comprehend doing that to someone.

[krisakira]

I think they are trying to get help by trying to understand why they do it. I can relate to a certain extent. On occasion, I have either made my friend mad, or got mad at her, and she would kind of freak out and get very emotional and want to work it out. I would tell her I needed time. I actually enjoyed the power I had over her by not talking to her and being the less emotional one. It is sick but there was a bit of satisfaction I got out of it. I think you need to balance what your feelings are and how you treat other people. It is something you could get in control without hurting other people anymore, but also you cannot just ignore the fact that you got pleasure out of it. Try finding some other way to get that pleasure, even if it is debate or arguing with someone you know is wrong... perhaps on the internet... cause some conflict, but try to make it beneficial or at least not too harmful. We need that outlet. It's something to embrace, because I think it helps us regulate our balance between being nice to people, and not letting people get to you. In your "best friend" case, I think you should ease up on them and try to delegate who you are conflicting with, and who is worth being nice to. Hope this helps.

[FeelingOpaque]

I think you should start slowly. Try to recognize the feeling that you start to get when you feel like talking down to someone and try to connect that with what they said or how they said it and then try to stop yourself. Do it slowly, maybe even tell your friend what's going on, that you say mean things because you don't feel good about yourself and it's just the automatic response you have to certain situations, i'm sure they'd be willing to understand and help. You should reach out to a T, the right one would be helpful.

[nycgal448]

everyone has problems, there are dayz i am rude, actually for example today
My mother and i hate each other, but for some strange reason today, of all dayz
I begged her not to speak at all to me... well for good reason, she is a bully and
abusive as hell... anyway I wuz rude as hell... but u know what? Today wuz not
the day for it. I understand to an extent too.. there is a fine line.

[shezbut]

Hello Fox and the Hound,

It sounds to me as though you have very low self-esteem, and that your best friend is one person (in your mind) that actually listens to you. As a result, you take out your anger, resentment, and self-hate out on your friend. While you may not be actively planning these negative remarks and responses to her, I suspect that it is an automatic behavior that is going to take some tough self-work to turn around.

I think that it's a good sign that you have recognized this negative behavior. Kudos to you for moving along! Please try not to take the snippy remarks that you've heard personally ~ we all have negative behaviors that need some reining in. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here!

I would recommend getting in to see a T, and perhaps a community support group as well, to help you overcome this negative behavior by stopping the thought pattern. Replace this negative thought pattern with healthier techniques of getting through the tension. Work on making yourself feel better about who you are. And, hopefully, work upon re-building a healthy relationship with your long-time friend.

Very best wishes to you ~ take care!