Absolute Confusion

I have many problems that I am forced to deal with alone. Although these problems in many cases deal with other people, I am the only one cognizant of them. My confusion is taking its toll and there appears to be only one way out. Examples of my many many problems include:
~~My mother is a very ignorant woman. Anything she isn't forced to learn, she refuses to. She never did anything in her life but produce four children, who are in many ways distorted psychologically. My oldest sibling has two children of their own and refuses to take care of them. The three of them live with us. The oldest does nothing but drinks and smokes and my mother still willingly supports the oldest and the children they have. My other older sibling is incarcerated and is still being supported financially by my mother. The incarcerated sibling is the typical brainwashed urban youth, who knows absolutely nothing about life. Although that doesn't stop them from picking at me and giving me "pointers" on how to live. And lastly my younger sibling (who is over the age of 16) is a spoiled and self centered narcissist, who see's me as the favorite and does whatever they can to pick on me. Going back to the oldest with two children, they place the rest of the family in compromising situations by doing things like drinking and crashing our vehicles and hanging around in front of our house with like minded people, who only fight and cause more trouble.

~Although, I recognize the game that the education system is I am still being shipped off to college because everyone around me just "knows" without a doubt that it is whats best for me. The things that interest me like philosophy and anthropology make little to no money at all, so if I did attend college it would be to spend my time studying topics I could care less about. Even though none of my siblings were well nourished intellectually my mother and grandparents feel we are ready to be entirely independent. Since they allowed my older two siblings to linger around and not do anything, as the next oldest I am being pushed harder than everyone to make "something" out of myself.

~I have been suffering from social anxiety disorder since middle school and while in high school I dealt with severe depression, suicidal thoughts, and based off of research have given myself a self diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and schizoid. Regardless of my being aware of my mental problems, my mother (who is my primary caretaker) does not believe in these things. She thinks that mental disorders are fake and that people act like they have "issues" as an excuse. After a few years of harboring feelings of suicide I had finally revealed to her my problem. All she did was call me weak and brushed it off.

***I have many more problems that stem from early childhood but those are just a few of the imminent ones.****

Hi, As Tears Go By, welcome to PsychCentral (PC). It does sound like your family is a "mess", like many people here report theirs are. Can you look forward at all; being shipped off to college could be a good thing, you will be out in the world a bit where you might be able to get the help you want and get away from this family that is not helping you. I would study whatever you like, initial degrees are not of much use at university, unless they are in math or science pretty much. If those subjects are not ones you are good at or interested in at all then I would come up with another plan.

Check out these links: http://www.aaanet.org/resources/stud...throdegree.cfm

http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2010...ers-philosophy

Welcome to pc! I agree with perna in the college aspect, getting away from your family could be of great help at the moment. It could help you find yourself much better. Without all of those stressors. If you believe those disorders to be true of you, id recommend finding a good psychologist and therapist. Its not likely to accurately self diagnose, it take psychiatrists and mental doctors a minimum of 6 years of college studying psychology to do that, many disorder symptoms mimic the rest. Also, even psych doctors get it wrong from time to time.

I was originally diagnosed bipolar (1, with mania), schizophrenic, ptsd, and borderline, only one of which rings true with me (ptsd), but later in therapy was introduced to the dissociative disorder, which fit much more accurately and explained the symptoms mimmicing borderline, bipolar, depression, and schizophrenia. It was only after quite some years that my diagnosis was properly sorted. Was also claimed to have ocd, but thats not at all accurate for me. I have "rituals" i partake in that set my mind at ease, but those were learned as calming tools for me as a child during bad times, and still comfort me today. I believed the bipolar and schizophrenia when i was diagnosed, i was sure they were right. Until i started seeing a doctor that had been in practice 35 years that specialized in schizophrenia and dissociative disorders. He helped me sort my issues and see that i was nothing like i thought i was.

It takes a doctor years of practice, and often the patient years of therapy to get a correct diagnosis. They where giving me mood stabalizers for the bipolar and anti psychotics for the schizophrenia, that ended up making me borderline real schizophrenic, and didnt understand why, until my mental state was looked at differently. Now im on no medication and doing much better thani was before. HOWEVER with my dissociative disorder, no medication helps, only therapy, which i make sure to go to every one. I am in the process though of working with my pdoc in finding a good anxiety med for my generalized anxiety disorder. But that too is more therapy than medication.

If you truly believe your mental disorders consist of borderline, schizoid, and social anxiety, getting in to the doctor is crucial. Are you 18 yet? If so you dont have to have your parents permisdion. Talk to a guidance councellor, or your local hospital and see if they have any tips on low cost doctors, i have mine for only $2 a visit.

The best of luck to you, please take care of yourself, enjoy school, if nothing else its an escape from the chaos