[Rhapsody]

Why do we always want what we do not have? - while I was away from home for 30 days all I wanted (thought I needed) was to return and now after being home for just one week I have a slight feeling of needing to leave again.... to run away and hide for my own emotional safety.

I am so CONFUSED tonight - Eeeek! - Help! (I feel empty) - (void) - (with out reason)

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

added a trigger icon due to content later in the thread - Rapunzel

[Christina86]

Rhapsody,

This is the best and the worst question.
The best because it is one that many ask, the worst because I don't think there's an answer for it.

I'm sorry, I doubt that helped at all.

I hope that you find what you are looking for and that what you're going through right now settles itself some. Sorry that things are so rough right now.

(((((((Rhapsody))))))))

[Rapunzel]

I don't know, but I think that's one of the things that keeps us down. When I lived in Wyoming in a rental house and had to drive to a little rented corral to see my animals, all I wanted was a place of my own with animal rights so my animals would be where I could see them. We moved to NE Utah and got a little tiny house with an acre of land, and the animals were there. But for eight years I hated that house and felt so trapped there and just wanted enough space and my own bathroom so that the kids wouldn't get into my stuff. Now we have moves to SW Utah and we have twice the house and twice the land and the animals are here, and I don't even want to be home. I was trapped in that little house for too long, and now I want the career that I gave up to have the family and the animals, and I want freedom. What will I want when I get that?

[Rhapsody]

I just want to SCREAM................................ but will no one hear ME? - Anyone ? ? ?

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Rhapsody]

QUESTION:

I know we are not supposed to talk about suicide on here - but are we allowed to talk about what we thought about concerning the big "S" word as to help us HEAL from it - for it did not actually happen, take place.

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

[Rhapsody]

OK - here it goes........................ hope this is alright.

* * * * * * * *

I just feel so alone right now.... for just two days before my sisters husband had gotten killed in a car accident I had made my own PLAN to no longer be here... the date, time, place and how had already been decided.
I now thank God that He used my time away in helping my sister to also save ME!!! - and yet I suffer alone in pain for no one and I mean no one even knows what might of been, or what might not of been any more (me).... well, no one, except for the ones I just told here.

While I feel very safe at this moment - I still feel as though I need a FRIEND to talk this all out with.... for I hate the many inner wounds / fears that left me in such a despairing way just weeks ago.

> > > > > > > Maybe that is what I am feeling the need to run and hide from, the things and/ or people that seem to evoke such awful feelings with in ME? - the wounded me that is empty.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

PM me I type very slow but do NOT trigger at all on S

Hugs

[sujunew]

crawling up in bed and leaving the world behind for a while can be nice...and reflective...but i guess in saying that it can also trigger... sorry, rambling... i ended up staying in a motel for a couple of days once just to get away, and yet not get away, and it helped. I was still at home, yet not as I was just down the road... hmmm. Real rambling here. Hope you're feeling ok

[Rhapsody]

Ok - I am going to bed for the night.... my brain is starting to over think to much - - - THANKS to Sleeps and Canders for the private PM's.... they really helped me tonight.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[(JD)]

It's rather tough to read about the idea of suicide in a general thread, for me anyway.

I hope you have sweet dreams and wake refreshed!

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[eskielover]

Rapsody,

I went through the feelings & attempts for many years......between 1994 & 1998. I don't know if the cause was anything similar to what you are going through, but if you feel comfortable enough to PM me, I would be glad to try & give you some needed support. I have come a long way since then & have turned completely around, finding that I really do have something wonderful in life to live for.

I think that was the main key for me.......from loosing my job (which was my identity), to finding something that gave my life meaning & purpose. Since then, I went through a trauma that has really hit me for a loop, & am trying very hard to get through all the pain, nightmares, flashbacks, & feelings of watching myself instead of being myself (depersonalization....as my pdoc calls it). However this experience didn't send me back into the feelings of not wanting to be alive.....rather the feelings now of wanting to be alive to try I make the person that caused the trauma pay for what she did to me & I am sure many others.

Please feel ok to PM me....I would be glad to try & help you through the feelings you are experiencing, knowing how real, bad & horrible those feelings are.

Take care of yourself while you work through these feelings......they don't go away overnight, even when I ended up in ICU on a breathing machine.....didn't make the feelings go away.

Hugz,
Debbie

[Rhapsody]

>>>>>>>>>>> I am feeling a lot better today for I finally broke down and told my husband everything that I have been feeling and going through - He was so loving and understanding.

We actually have recommitted our marriage & love back to God and vow to make the next 20 yrs better and to never allow our heart to be void of love, honesty, respect, friendship and faithfulness. (w00t w00t)

>>>>>>>>>>> GOD is GOOD!!!

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Sabrina]

Thinking of you Rhapsody. Hope today will be kinder to you.

[Rhapsody]

Thanks My FRIEND.... may the Lord bless YOU with a KIND day as well.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[cherybery]

Rhapsody, I am a lil slow to getting to this thread, sorry. I am so glad you are feeling better today. I think the fact you talked to your hubby about everything was such a wonderful step forward!!! Congrats on your recommitments! You go girl!!!!!!
HUGS
Cher