[mrb020377]

Some of you know that I have a 10 year old daughter. She i very mature for her age and has already started her once a month woman thing. She is 5 ft 4 already and is the tallest kid in her class. Well yesterday she was at school and a group of boys took her purse that she had left on the floor b y her desk. They opened it up and started looking inside, she had female things in there along with a change of underclothes just in case she needed them. Well these little boys passed her purse around the whole room, she didnt know it until she saw someone with it.. they were all laughing at her and making fun of her.. She is a very sensitive child. I mean very sensitive. She was soo embarrassed that she didnt even eat lunch. They all made fun of her at lunch also... I feel soooo bad for her. I know that I cant fight her battles for her but i just want to cry with her. She was crying last night saying momma they wont ever forget. never!

So my question is, How would you help her overcome this? I need help with this... any suggestions?

[cherybery]

Thats horrible!! I'm so sorry that happened to her! I wish I had some good advice. As a mom I am sure you want to do your best to take care of her and I think you are by listening too her. The best thing I think for her to know is she did nothing wrong and should not feel ashamed. Eventually other kids are going to realize these boys are bullies and will have nothing to do with them. Chances are they have done other things to other people to make themselves look "cool" which will eventually catch up too them
I really wish I had some better advice but I think you are doing a great job as a mother just by listening, and the fact she came to you is such a big deal at that age. Alot of kids that age would not tell a soul and lock themselves in their bedroom.
HUGS
Cher

[Sabrina]

I understand that mother instinct and wanting to protect one's child fiercly. The poor girl! What an uncalled for thing to happen.

I would bring behaviour like that to the attention of the school principle. Something in general should be said to the entire school. But then again, that might embarrass your daughter further ... so I don't know.

Continue to love your daughter as you do. Reinforce the fact that it is NOT her fault and that those children are fools. All you can really do is be there for her, every time she might want to cry about it or talk about it. Hold her often - as there is nothing more soothing than a Mom's comforting hug.

You are obviously a wonderfully kind and supportive Mom.

I really feel for you and your poor daughter.

[mrb020377]

Thanks guys! I have sent an email to the teacher, as the teacher didnt even call me or anythign about this yesterday when it happened.. I was furious at her teacher and those boys... i have also called the principal to see what all she knows about this incident. but she has been out of the office until this afternoon. I cant help it, i want to shield my kids from the mean ways of the world, but at the same time I know that it is not the way to raise strong independant children.... so its a catch twenty two i suppose.

Thanks for the advice guys..but thanks mostly for listening!!!!

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{Mel & Daughter}}}}}}}}}

Did she tell her teacher what happened?? The teacher needs to know the actions of her students, for pete's sake!! Where was she/he at the time? Talk to her teacher and demand a public apology from those kids to your daughter! Be there, if you can. This will show them but especially HER that she is not alone in this; that Mom fights back WITH her.

Tell your daughter that those kids are terribly immature and ignorant. She needs to feel proud of herself for being a "normal Woman," NOT ashamed of a normal bodily function. Remind her that those kids were the ones "showing their *****" and does NOT reflect on her!

Maybe if you share the saying about being nervous in front of a group of people... tell her to picture them naked and laugh back at them... or... tell them they pull their drawers down to use the toilet just like she does. This is up to your discretion, though. I'm feeling pretty mean and defensive for her right now.

Tell her Grandma Tomi knows how it feels. It happened to me, too. She doesn't need to feel ashamed! Give her my

[katheryn]

i to understand how you are feeling , just wish you could bang these boys heads togeather , well that might make you feel better , your poor daughter this must have been realy horrible for her ,
i hope that by talking to her teacher that this will be dealt with properlly my thoughts are with you and your daughter

[mrb020377]

((((((((((((tomi))))))))))))))))

thanks!! I did explain to her last night that boys at this age have NO CLUE what girls are going through. They have ti soo easy!! I told her that she didnt do anything wrong and that it was the boys that were in the wrong.

I did get an email from the teacher a few minutes ago... i kinda tore her a new one this morning in my email to her. Telling her that i think I should have been informed BEFORE she got home so that i could help her out.. Her teacher apologized to me and also told me that she was out of the room however there was a sub in there that should have been handled it, but didnt. The boy that was the instigator was punished and she said she could see how horribly embarrassed that steph was. Hopefully it wont happen again.. next time steph will probably go off on someone

[mrb020377]

katheryn, you dont know how bad i wanted to go kick those boys butss!!! ha ha ha but what would that solve?? I told my daughter that they must not have older sisters or anyone to tell them about the birds and bees... she said well maybe you should momma! ha i could see me telling 25 little boys about a woman's natural body functions!! lol

[funnygirl]

The poor child having her female stuff passed around the class. That is unacceptable teasing, bordering on bullying. The teachers should be told in no uncertain terms and the culprits reprimanded. Some kids are just dirty-minded little boys.

I know how your daughter feels as I was also an early developer, suffered terribly from teasing and was made to feel ashamed, guilty and secretive! So I know what it's like.

You're a terrific mother, and I hope you'll give your lovely daughter a big hug from all here at PC.

FG

[kimmydawn]

I would call her school counselor and have a meeting with the school counselor and the teacher regarding this incident. My youngest was the same as your daughter and we had a similiar incident. They helped daughter to overcome it by reprimanding everyone in front of HER. It never happened again, and she learned that they were wrong and people would have her back.

Good luck to you and I'm sending thoughts to you and your daughter.

love,

kd

[mrb020377]

Believe me i will!!! she will get hugs from everyone!!!!!
I got news from the principal. she is going to investigate it and make sure it doesnt happen again to anyone. What the principal said is that the bottom line is, they messed with someones personel property!

[mrb020377]

thanks kimmydawn,

I have thought about talking to the counselor and seeing if she could talk to my daughter. I think it would help her out to talk to someone else other than me. However we do communicate pretty good right now.

I just had to say how sorry I am for you and your daughter.

It's so very hard being a mom and it's also very hard being a young girl --- new to life changes. Please give her a hug for me. (I know you don't know me-- I just really feel for her)
At least it sounds like things are under control for now.

It's hard enough for most girls dealing with this type of thing, especially at such a very young age--- the teasing and taunting.

This brings me to something that I would like your opinion on---- Do you think it would be good for boys and girls to be seperate in school between the ages of say 10 until 15?? I know it's good to learn about differences in genders--- but---come on--- boys have proven time and time again that they are to immature at this age to be understanding--- so how is putting the genders together at this age a good thing? I really wonder if things would be better if just during the pre- and early change of life years for girls, if they would have more confidence without boys around and also concentrate on their studies more--- what do you think---mel?? -- if you don't mind me asking ---you as a mother of a daughter.

Hope I'm not hijacking--- sorry if I did!

mandy --- Oh-- ps--- nothing against boys-- I have two of my own!!!

[mrb020377]

Mandy,

You arent highjacking so dont worry. There have been many times that I have thought the same thing!! I feel that there are many parents that dont talk about women and the changes that they go through to their boys and therefore they tease the girls about it.. How many times have you been teased about having PMS, by a boy who doesnt have a clue??
by seperating them, though, would that be hindering them or sheltering them too much?? I am not sure!
I know that we cant put them in bubbles for their whole lives, however i would like to... lol

I have a son too and i told him yesterday that women's purses are off limits and that i better not here of him doing that to a girl ever!!!!! lol

[jmo531]

((((((((((((((((((Mel and daughter)))))))))))))))

When I was in 6th grade I started my period and my mother sent me to school with one of those paper bags that you put your lunch in. She filled it full of maxi-pads and off I went to school. While on the bus ride everyone kept asking me what was in the bag and I refused to answer and the boy sitting behind me snatched it out of my lap and starting laughing and then ofcourse, the whole bus knew. I was so embarressed and just wanted to curl in a hole. I told my mother but that fell on deaf ears.

My advice is to call the school and speak with the school councellor, principal and your childs teacher. I would explain the incident and tell them that it is unacceptable what happened and that you demand that the persons involved be delt with.

I understand how your daughter feels and I am sorry she is going through that

whew, glad I wasn't hijacking!

You said:
by seperating them, though, would that be hindering them or sheltering them too much??

we are only hindering them or sheltering them if they miss out on life lessons that will help them develop as confident, intelligent and happy young women. I don't see how teasing and taunting from a gender that doesn't have a clue-- is something good for a person-- at such an impressionable age. ( just my opinion)

Good that you told your son about a females purse. I did similar when one of my boys at 10 took his 12 year old niece's purse-- the fear in her eyes-- poor thing. I told him that a female's purse is always off limits--- and then of course being a curious child-- he wanted to know " Why". I did explain in a way that was compassionate yet that I felt he understood.

It's all very hard as a parent!

Wishing you well!

mandy

[mrb020377]

It is funny, my grandfather who is 72 will not even think about getting into my grandmothers purse!! he brings the whole thing to her if he needs something out of it!! ha ha

I meant to add this earlier.... One thing my daughter did learn somethign from this.. she learned that she wasnt the only little girl in her class that has started her period.. so maybe that helps a little bit

[hillbunnyb]

Sounds like it's time for the kids' curriculum to include the deveopment of girls and boys at this age. . . But, yeh, issue #1 is about private property and #2 about basic respect.

I'm glad the teacher and principal are on board for your kid.
GOOD JOB mothering. Growing up is as hard as growing old....
we've all got our work cut out for us, thank goodness for good friends and this support circle.

[mrb020377]

hillbunnyb you are right thank goodness for this circle of friends!!! I dont know where i would be without each and every one of you!!!!!!!

[radio_flyer]

I am so sorry this happened to your daughter.. Bless her heart.. She is sooo lucky to have you and your support.

Years ago when my son was in the fifth grade, we would every evening take the dogs for their nightly stroll. It was a time when when we would spend time together and just chat about most anything that we had on our minds.

Well right out of the blue, my son said " mom, what is a period?" Being caught a little off guard I told him it was a dot at the end of a sentence. He said ooo so that is what the girls are talking about at school.. And we moved on to another topic......

I guess being caught off guard I didn't know what to say. He now is 25 and sometimes we laugh about that night. Esp when we go down memory lane about the "fibs" I told him.. The period being one... another one was he'd grow hair on his chest if he ate all his green beans... which of course, he ate tons of green beans.

I have always been open and "honest" with him on important issues, except when it came to sex education or periods.. I totally scramble inside and have no idea how to explain these things.

[funnygirl]

mrb

I'm so relieved this is being sorted out with the school. Well done. And your little girl will soon move on and forget the hurt, especially with a good mum like you.

Meant to say that I do think separate sex schools are a good idea - my granddaughter will go to such a school when she's 11. I'm sure there's less distraction from lessons - and I know wherefore I speak!

Also, your comment about grandad bringing the handbag to grandma has made me realise that a lot of men do that! All the males in my family do it! Never thought of that before, but it is so true!!

FG

[lenjan]

That happened to me too when I was in 5th grade, and I remember it clear as day, although I am 41 now, a long way past 10!

My mom brought me to school with a small purse full of maxipads, and then went up to my teacher and whispered in her ear what was going on. My teacher smiled at me and I thought I would die of embarrassment. Our desks were grouped together in groups of 4, and the 3 other girls wanted to know why I brought a purse (which I never had before) and kept taking it with me to the bathroom. I would rather have died than told them.

When I went up to the teacher's desk to ask a question during the activity, one of the girls got the purse out of my desk and showed it around our group. When I came back, they were all very "sympathetic" (ha ha, didn't seem that way at the time and still doesn't) and said that it was nothing to be ashamed of, etc, and I shouldn't be embarrassed. I wanted to crawl in a hole too, and still do every time I think about it.

I think you did a great thing for your daughter! Please give her a big hug for me, because I know just how she feels.

Love, Candy

you can talk the situation over with the school nurse. usually if the school nurse finds out something like this has happened they do a little presentation after recieving permission for the birds and the bees talk with their child as a health science class activity. Your daughter is most likely not the only 10 year old in the class that got her period. and boys that young can also "rise to the occasion" at that age too. my son had to have a talk with our family physician about how bodys change as they are growing at age five when he experienced a rather sticky situation at school and I didn't know how to discuss it with him. Then when he was 8 he had sex education at his school when a teacher was pregnant. So having the school nurse do a presentation will help not only your daughter.