[indigo1015]

So, I've been noticing of late that a little idiosyncrasy of mine has been causing me a lot of distress - perfectionism. I have always been a perfectionist, but lately, it seems to have intensified to a sort of obsession with me. I feel like I have to do everything absolutely right on the first try, and since I know that, logically, perfection is unobtainable, this often stops me from even attempting to do something. Part of this is because of a previous job I had, in addition to environmental factors and the fact that this is basically my nature; a few years ago, I worked at a place where people were extremely critical of me (that is, when they noticed me at all) and expected me to do things perfectly without being previously told or shown anything at all regarding my tasks. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't please them. The job ended badly, with my supervisors talking about me behind my back and me finally quitting. My point is, because of all these factors, I am terrified of speaking up, for fear of saying something stupid, or doing a particular thing, because I know I can't do it right the first time, so I figure, what's the point of even trying at all? I desperately need to know if this is a symptom of something, or if there are any ways for me to lessen the intensity of my problem, because I sincerely don't want my never-ending quest for perfection to have ramifications on my internship. This need to be perfect also makes me very unhappy and angry, which is not at all fun. If anyone has any thoughts or suggestions, please let me know. And by the way, thanks to everyone on here for always helping me when I'm down. I know I don't sound like I appreciate it, but actually, it means the world to me.

((((Indigo)))) I feel as if I am reading a page out of my own diary

Have you spoken with your T about this? For me, I struggled and suffered in the workplace so much because it reminded me of my upbringing and the total inability to ever please a judgmental, controlling parent.

You are a human being sweetie. We arent supposed to be perfect. Just to try our best and learn from our mis steps.

Please let us know how you are doing.
Hugs,
Rose

[kaliope]

the message i received growing up was that i had to be perfect in order to be loved. i took this message with me into adulthood. oh the stress it caused me. i would become devastated over the smallest mistake.

my perfectionism was pointed out over and over when i was killing myself in college. i needed a hundred percent in everything. i wanted those A's. a 91 percent wasnt good enough. i did the extra credit at every opportunity. i studied like crazy. i realized i didnt need to be killing myself. nobody cared. nobody loved me any less. nobody was judging me anymore. i was instead being judged for my perfectionism. i learned to let go. i stopped killing myself, judging myself when i got a 98 instead of a 100.

im much more relaxed today not worrying about being perfect. i just do my best and know that my best is going to be good enough because i know that i am good at what i do. and mistakes get made and i apologize for them and do what i can to make them right. and people think its funny when i make mistakes because people think so highly of me it makes me human. people make mistakes. i had to learn that. working thru my ptsd issues helped me handle making mistakes. my world stopped crashing down around me and it because just a simple mistake instead of a catstrophe. my dad is not controlling my life anymore. i am worthy of love today. i dont have to be perfect. neither do you.

[RomanSunburn]

I can totally relate. My perfectionism hasn't been about getting A's in school, though. It's more that I have to be trying my hardest in everything, or else I don't see the point in trying at all. I really struggle with that... I don't understand when people tell me to cut myself some slack -- what's the point in trying if I'm not going to give it my all? In school, I realize I'm not a straight A student, but if I didn't work my butt off to get that B, then I'd rather take the F... I know this isn't helping. The only thing I've found that helps is positive self talk. It's really hard, though, and I don't always believe it, or even want to believe it...

If you have a T, I would definitely bring this up with them. Good luck!

[di meliora]

grandiosity An inflated appraisal of one's worth, power, knowledge, importance, or identity. When extreme, grandiosity may be of delusional proportions.

A term some therapists talked about in conjunction with perfectionism and intellectualization A mental mechanism in which the person engages in excessive abstract thinking to avoid confrontation with conflicts or disturbing feelings.

[beauflow]

Perfection-- I can get quiet what my peers call "****" which I think will be blocked out, but it is what I am known for.... I do remember this however-- WE are ALL But Only HUMAN, to be human is to be imperfect, NO Matter who says so, or Even WHAT I may think....

I am odd with perfection- I can be very do it right, everything in it's place, a little obsessive over it-- then other times, I just don't give a damn... so I don't know if what i have wrote will help you at all since it is not a continuous thing with me.... I try best to accept my flaws, and learn from them...I tend to beat myself up at times of when I am in perfection mode, which is not constructive so I go back to the saying of we are all but humans....

hugs to you on this-

[Krose]

This has been a struggle area for me too. I think to myself, "if I can't do it right,why bother doing it at all." As a result, I don't do things that would help me move ahead in my healing and breaking through some barriers. This state of mind with perfectionism can cause a lot of unnecessary pain. When I keep it in perspective that everyone makes mistakes and when I see how others don't seem affected when they make mistakes, it helps me relax. I try not to beat myself down when I goof, but try to fix it and apologize. More times than not, those around me forgive me and this has helped me be more forgiving of myself.

[waynec]

Originally Posted by Krose

This has been a struggle area for me too. I think to myself, "if I can't do it right,why bother doing it at all." As a result, I don't do things that would help me move ahead in my healing and breaking through some barriers. This state of mind with perfectionism can cause a lot of unnecessary pain. When I keep it in perspective that everyone makes mistakes and when I see how others don't seem affected when they make mistakes, it helps me relax. I try not to beat myself down when I goof, but try to fix it and apologize. More times than not, those around me forgive me and this has helped me be more forgiving of myself.

i don't have much of a problem with perfectionism at work (graphics) because i understand the quality vs time vs money triangle. i do have high standards, higher than most at work which may be a reason i am no longer being asked to do work for them (wasn't an *** about it, just saw quality over time with new manager decrease).
my biggest perfectionism is with model building though i have talked with some folks and have decided every mode.l is not a competition piece and, when it no longemr is, it becomes a learning piece. still have high standards but much calmer about it and probably judge. my work harder than my peers.