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Old Jul 07, 2012, 08:55 PM
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brackenbeard brackenbeard is offline
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Now I've read in books that say for instance "the movement inward", or to look into oneself to try and discover how to improve as a human being is an unhelpful or unfrutiful way of going about things. I've tried relentlessly to analyze my way out of my situation for instance, yesterday I came to the conclusion that I want people to like me, and I am constantly seeking the approval of others. I don't know if it was that well-thought out, but I sensed that was my issue. Now that may seem fine and dandy on the surface, but really as has been proven in my case over and over to look inside oneself to try and discover the truth never works.

Every attempt I make to change goes nowhere, so I say, why change? Now change is good I'd say, but trying to fix yourself by way of appealing to yourself is still unhelpful. What I need is self-acceptance. That the way I am now is the way I should be, and no different. No matter how I feel about myself I need to adjust to that fact that I'm ok, and this is me.

Now I always tread this line which is didn't it take introspection, atleast a little bit to discover that. I'd say yes, but still I believe that analysis is mostly unhelpful. Why, because in analysis I feel it is often my prerogative to try and correct something, to make it better, to fix it. Perhaps finally it has dawned one me, there is nothing to fix.

Now I haven't really reached the point where I want to say change ain't gone happen. Perhaps if I keep pursuing my anti-analytical perpsective on self improvement I'll somehow learn more about myself, but I'm a work in progress. Perhaps I had to try and work so blindly toward trying to better myself through consistent critique to get to the point where it registered that nothing is happening.

I would say stop trying to fix yourself, and try to be yourself. Just try it out for a little while and see where it takes you.

I read a great quotation the other day that went something like this: every movement inward is a (delusory) flight from the truth. Truth or authenticity (aka "who you are") is never found by looking inside, but it may involve reflection. "Who you are" is not about discovering what you are already, but becoming something by acting in the world and in turn being acted upon.

Now that's a lot of jazz, but the jist of it is you're not going to become any better or escape your own self loathing by trying to make sense of your experience, at least not initially from what I understand. This is getting long winded, that's it. What do ya'll think?
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Thanks for this!
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  #2  
Old Jul 07, 2012, 09:07 PM
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missbelle missbelle is offline
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I think its imperative to practice acceptance and not just self-acceptance....but acceptance of your circumstances as well. It does not mean we stop trying to improve etc....it just means stop hitting your head against a brick wall........be content, find serenity, let go;.....the rest will come maybe, but now its about the present, and our acceptance of what is, and what is around us and of who we are!!


"Self acceptance is being loving and happy with who you are NOW. Some call it self-esteem, others self-love, but whatever you call it, you'll know when your accepting yourself cause it feels great. Its an agreement with yourself to appreciate, validate, accept and support who you are at this very moment, even those parts you’d like to eventually change. This is important...even those parts you'd eventually like to change"
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Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
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Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
"And psychology has once again proved itself the doofus of the sciences" Sheldon Cooper
Thanks for this!
brackenbeard, IowaFarmGal, Puffyprue
  #3  
Old Jul 07, 2012, 09:27 PM
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brackenbeard brackenbeard is offline
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awesome post! can't thank you enough.
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love in the morning / i go forward / into my day.

Please help by offering suggestions for what you'd like to hear about mental-health wise. I'm nervous about it, but I started a Youtube Channel. PM me!
- Burnout Utopia - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgE...5mLKszGsyf_tRg
  #4  
Old Jul 08, 2012, 12:45 AM
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sunblossom sunblossom is offline
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I think you have hit on something really key to recovery.

I had a really bad day yesterday. I was so depressed I couldn't escape the thoughts of self loathing. The flash memories of loathsome acts etc. They just kept flooding at me in waves. Often I hear myself talk trying to console myself. Trying to flip the story to look or sound or feel better. Trying to tell myself I am not as aweful as I think I am. etc etc. You know the talk I am sure.

Anyways it hit me that while I was battling for control over my thoughts, trying to stop the dialogue, trying to reframe the messages, I decided to accept that my self hating voice was right. I have done all of those horrible things and more. I am not going to debate the degree of shame I should feel. I am going to accept that the shame I feel is real and justified. Just accept it.

A funny think happened. As soon as I did that this weight of hopelessness lifted. I hear myself say, 'Okay. I will accept your version of things. I have reason to feel shame for things of the past. I can't change the past. But I can effect the future. I can be who I want to be from this moment forward. I can clean the slat. I can give my best me another chance. Its a new day.

Then something else happened. I began to think positively about my potential for the new days ahead. I wasn't being bogged down by flashes from the past. I wasn't entertaining my distortions. I wasn't giving up.

I can't change the past. I can't even accurate pull up the past let alone be objective about anything I may have said or did that I regard to be loathsome out of the past. Even yesterday is blurred by my emotional interpretations.

I woke today without the weight of depression holding me down. It was a good day of just being at peace with all of me. The timing could be coincidental but I think it follows along what you are saying about acceptance vs analysis.
  #5  
Old Jul 08, 2012, 06:15 PM
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Leed Leed is offline
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I used to be a person that i didn't like. I'm no longer that person. I've made my amends, and taken care of the past, and I no longer even think about that.

today is all that matters. I do bring SOME things forward about myself. I can be selfish. I can be impatient. I can be stubborn. I hate fake people and snobs. I can't tolerate bigots.

But I am caring. I give to my family to a fault and deprive myself. I enjoy helping others. I love music and always have. When i start feeling low, I retreat to music.

This is who I am, and I can't change it and I'm not gonna try. I accepted who I was quite a few years ago and I can't help if people don't like me. That's not MY problem -- it's theirs. I've stopped worrying about it.
Thanks for this!
IowaFarmGal
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