[Big Mama]

I have been to hell and back the past 6 months or so. I finially have days where things are calm. No arguing, no teenagers issues, no nothing but peace and quiet. I know that sounds great but to me it is scary. I feel panic creeping back in. I take zoloft. I wonder if it is time to up my meds or change meds. I'm at my maximum dosage. I don't know if the feeling of calm is just so unfamiular that it feels strange. Or do I have a real issue. It just feel strange, to Close to haveing a panic attack, though I have not had a panic attack as of yet. (fingers crossed) It is my H's turn the next two weeks to see our T. I've just recently lost my in home councelor (2 wks ago). So I do have a few things to be nervous about. Just a little concerned. I suppose the answer will come soon enough. But if I can avoid a full blown melt down it would be nice. I also know how hard it is to change meds and the crazy things it can do to you. I know stress, high stress, increases adrinalin and courtasol. (sorry I'm a horrible speller, spell like it sounds, I don't know how to use spell check. Anyone?) It could be a drop off in these 2 that my brain is experiencing. Who knows. Well anyway, thanks for listening

((((Big Mama)))) I can relate. We are so used to being in a constant state of hyper-awareness and stress (always on guard and waiting for the next shoe to drop) that when things are "calm" it is .... overwhelming and terrifying. We want to relax but there is that automatic instinct to not for fear of what might come next.

I have been working really hard on that with my T. My brain had been wired to constantly be on guard. She gave me relaxation and breathing excercises to do for just that reason. I just could not rest...even when things were "ok". I would panic because i wasnt having a panic!

Another thing T1 and I were working on - reminding myself that it was OK to relax and try to enjoy the quiet...she gave me an affirmation which she actually wrote down for me. I made copies and kept one with me and taped other copies in strategic places around my home. Also, that it was in her handwriting was comforting to me.

"I am safe and at peace". Just those few little words helped me a great deal.

I think others can explain it a lot better than I...I just wanted to be sure to reach out and let you know you are absolutely not alone in this and that I believe what you are experiencing is quite common for our Dx.

Hugs to you,
Rose

[Big Mama]

Thats it exactly. I 'm so glad someone knows what I mean. It's odd to be afraid to be o.k. THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH, for the confermation that i'm not alone or completely weird.