I can't even leave the house

I too, don't blame my parents. They were taught by the same system. My mother and her syblings were beaten because they spoke french and forced to speak english only. That old school idea children should be seen and not heard, spare the rod spoil the child crap, hard head soft behind. All great things to tell a child when all they want to do is be a child and learn.
I was berated for hours by a nun for being late from a dentist appointment, was told I was a dummy. It was easter and because I was late I was almost not allowed to do an easter painting for my mother and was berated again for not completeing it on time. This same sadistic nun also would not let me use appropriate sky blue colors like everyone else, she forced me to use dark midnight blue and then told the picture was garbage and berated more. Just to try and feel better about a gift for my mother I said it was night time in the picture, big mistake cause I said it loud enough for her to hear. I'll give you one guess what happend. It got so bad another student went and got another nun to make her lay off.
In short I blame the Roman catholic church for treating my mother and I horribly. My parents did what they were told and new nothing else, they were caught in the same trap as me... and then there was the racism but I won't make this a novel.
I will not have children because I don't want to be triggered and do what has been done to me with out realizing it. I had a chance to marry but being socially disfunctional I left before it became serious which I regret to this day.

Nuff said!

MindMuse , for some reason i enjoyed reading your post , really thank you .

been through this and still going through it somewhat. it may surprise you but you need to focus more on yourself first. make yourself the top priority. It will raise your self esteem and most of all find something that you are passionate about. It will get you out of the house if you love it enough