[AlwaysSearching]

Hi, everyone. I'm sorry I haven't posted here in awhile, or kept up with the forums, but I've been really busy.

There's something I've been debating this week, and I've come here in hopes that someone out there can give me advice. You see, when I was a kid and throughout most of my teenage years, I used to draw--animals, mostly, but sometimes people, too. I would spend hours every day drawing, and, in elementary school, I got a lot of praise for my sketches.

I took advanced art classes in middle school and my freshman year of high school, and I think that's when I began to lose interest in it. In class, I'd spend weeks shading in circles, painting, and doing other art-related activities that I either got bored with or wasn't good at. Teachers and other students were also very critical, and I just felt like nothing I did was good enough anymore. I continued to sketch at home, but, around this time, I also developed an interest in writing stories and became more passionate about music. Those things took up a lot of my free time, and, eventually, I just stopped drawing.

The last year I was consistently drawing was probably 1999, and the last real drawings--aside from a few poor sketches--I did were in 2003. So, it's been awhile since I've done anything artistic, and I've been thinking about getting back into this...Yet something always holds me back. I keep thinking my drawings will turn out awful, that I don't really have much talent, and that I won't find this activity fulfilling enough. Like I said, there's one side of me that wants to give it another shot, but my insecure side tells me to focus on my writing and singing--things I feel more confident about--and forget about drawing. I feel that, if I am good at this, then I have an obligation to do it and not waste my talent, but it's hard to get excited sometimes.

I'd like some feedback, especially if you've been in a similar position where you weren't sure which road to take. Thanks for reading.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

OMG me too..I even won an art scholarship but then I don't know the what and why's but I stopped drawing a number of years back..I did buy new paper and pencils...but I bever pick them up...I think it may be the fear I lost my talent....I stopped way back for other things but now I have no excuse

[AlwaysSearching]

Same here. I bought a big box of colored pencils last year (my favorite medium--or is it media? I can't even remember art terms!), and a sketch pad on my birthday last month, but I haven't done anything with them. I, too, have that fear of having lost my talent.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Lol its not funny but I too cannot recall the name of my pencils hahah shame on me..graphite?? I dont recall I like to do all in soft shades of grey black and white....I did get colored paper too...but it all JUST SITS THAT PART is not funny ...I dont know how to fix it,,,I do animals too and also stuff like my sigline I use to be VERY GOOD

[Wants2Fly]

Don't give up, Butterflies. I often feel the same way about my writing. Would it help just to draw for "fun" -- to think of it as letting the inner kid play -- and not put any pressure on yourself to achieve a certain level of artistic excellence? After all, we love all the expression of children -- would it be possible to love yourself just for the expression, not the result?

This helps me, and I'm not an artist at all, but sometimes I just love getting the colors out of my soul.

[Lexicon78]

Ya know, from what I remember from school don't they tell you what kind of thing you need to draw/paint instead of what you are best at? idk, just a thought. You may not have high praise about your artwork then, but that doesn't mean that you're not good at it.

Don't quit because somebody told you that you weren't any good at it. Einstein failed math I think and look at him now...the amazing things he's invented that includes mathematic formulations. If you look at the history of the famous painters, inventers, singers, etc. you'll find that many of them actually flunked out or were told they were the worst in the fields that they became famous for! What I'm saying is that don't give up the dream that you've had for so long just because somebody said you couldn't do it.

You have my faith that you can succeed!

[AlwaysSearching]

Thanks, everyone, for your replies.

I guess my problem is that I feel like I "have to" use my talent and not let it go to waste (or else I feel very guilty), but I'm not sure if I want to get back into drawing or not. I've tried to draw for fun over the past few days, yet I don't have as much enthusiasm as I do for other creative projects.

[eskielover]

AlwaysSearching,

I have a similar situation too. I took piano from the time I was 5 years old. In Junior High, I decided to take up the flute. Then came college. What to major in.....the only thing I knew I was even good at was music. I was also good at other things & was pretty much able to do anything I wanted to do (except for struggling with calculus). Sooooo, I decided to major in music......focusing on performance with my flute. I graduated with my AA in music & went on to the University that had a wonderful music department. I even bought myself a wonder professional flute so I wouldn't have any excuse that my instrument was holding me back. The first semester, I spent 8 hours a day practicing....finding that I hit a plateau. I realized that no matter how much I practiced, I would never get to the point where I would be able to be in a professional symphony orchestra......being a school music teacher was the only thing I would ever be & that just wasn't for me. I changed my major to Computer Science & accounting. Graduating with a 3.25 GPA in that & had a wonderful job offer right out of school. I realized I could be good at what ever I wanted. I continued playing my flute at churches, & then found a local flute choir that I joined. There were a few of us that decided to put together a professional flute quartet & played for some local gatherings, weddings, & other things. During that time, I enjoyed the challanges of being an aerospace engineer also.

I point I am trying to make is that sometimes we do hit a plateau.....that doesn't mean that we have lost our talents, but there can be a level that our profeciency stays at no matter how hard we try to force it. That doesn't mean that we can't enjoy our talents at the level that we are good at.....but there are always going to be people who are better than we are....that doesn't mean that we should give up doing what we like to do. At this point in my life, I don't have time to play my flute. I know it will be harder going back to it after being away, but plan on doing it when my life settles down. Not only that, but I have horses & show dressage. I was improving constantly just 6 months ago, but with trying to pack up 2 homes to move, I don't have time for that either.

I have a list of all the things that I am good at & enjoy doing......(even though I will never be excellent in some of the things & there will be many people better than I).....I am looking for a place where I will be able to get back into the things on my list. (dressage training for me & my horses, playing my flute, ballroom dancing......& several other things I am good at doing).

If you enjoy drawing, do what you like to do....I have found that when I push my talent, that is when I end up not liking it.......when I just do it, that is when I enjoy it.....without worring what other people think of what I am doing or how good I am.

Hope you can find the right place in your life where you can enjoy what you are good at without pushing yourself.
Debbie

[AlwaysSearching]

Thanks, Debbie, for your very thoughtful and insightful post.

I think I'm learning to accept that we each have skills--and certain levels and styles within those talents--that are unique to each of us. These days, I'm more comfortable with the limitations of my singing voice and writing style, and I think I should have more mercy on my artistic abilities as well. I am good at drawing animals, and I've never really wanted to get rich or famous from my drawings, so why do I put all this pressure on myself? I guess because I want to (someday, with luck) make a living off my music, and, to a lesser degree, my writing, I feel like any art I do should be published, too...As if it doesn't mean anything unless my work is exhibited to the public! How ridiculous!

I like the idea of creating a list of things I'm good at--that would be great for my self-esteem, I think.

Also, since you mentioned horses, that's another thing I gave up (I took riding lessons for a few months in 1996). I stopped because of a combination of fear and being pushed into goals by my instructors that I had no interest in achieving. I'm starting to notice a pattern here...When I get pushed into something I don't want to do, I quit in response, instead of looking for alternative ways to do what I want.

[(JD)]

I think there are many ppl who enjoy sticking with one avocation, one vocation. You might not be one of them, and that's fine. Many people also go from one avocation, to another, depending upon the mood etc. (Making "avocation stations" in their home, so when the urge hits, it's all set up already.) Look at all the ppl who are "jack of all trades and master of none."

Maybe once you do get past the guilty feelings, you'll realize how many gifts you have, and that you are allowed to use them as you wish, when you wish... and have fun the whole time (regardless of what you are doing!) TC

[AlwaysSearching]

_Sky, I believe you're right about me being one of those people who can't stick to one thing! Career-wise, for example, I see myself working with animals during the day and playing music at night (because I may not ever make enough money from my music alone to support myself).

I have made room for other interests in my life--writing stories, walking, swimming, reading, and playing with my dogs and cats--so I'm sure I can block out some time for drawing now and then, too. It's just that I'm not as interested in drawing as I used to be, so it's lower on my list of priorities.