[SheilaKathy]

Triple Diagnosis: Bipolar, cPTSD & Lyme Disease

All 3 of these conditions plague me in different ways, sometimes all 3 at once too! I recently had a Panic Attack, was experiencing a Mixed Bipolar Manic/ Depressive Episode and also have been having some physical weakness, probably due to my low blood sodium levels and my Lyme Disease. All in all, recently, I have been a MESS!

I ended up in the Hospital 4 nights ago, for a 3 hour E/R stay. As it turns out, it was a Panic attack, but I had no clue that was what was happening at the time. I was seeing flashing colors before my eyes and feeling faint. I kept almost passing out. So I called 911 and was eventually diagnosed with "Anxiety." However, in my opinion, it was more than that, it was a full blown Panic Attack. Just the fawning type.

I am in my mid 60s, and have been dealing with mental illness since I was in my teens. Before that, I was the victim of childhood molestation, and later on in life, I was raped repeatedly by a boyfriend. So, really I have cPTSD.

I'm also Dyslexic, but that is something so less drastic than all the rest, that I rarely think to mention it, but it caused major problems in my early education, and school life (ie bullying) since I did not learn to read until my 2nd time through the 3rd grade.

I started this thread, because all of these things combined seeming like more than one poor soul can deal with at times, if not always. I am not always aware of what is happening to me. Sometimes, for instance, I can be in a manic and not realize it. Or I might be depressed and not realize that either, especially when it first starts to set in.

The Lyme Disease can also cause mood swings, so that can more easily end me up in a Mixed Episode of emotions than your usual Bipolar person might experience! In other words, I can be a very confused person at times!

Today I am getting over the shock of what happened to me the other night. I am still feeling weak at times, lightheaded sometimes and in general not myself mentally or spiritually or physically, for that matter.

I need a lot of HUGS and SUPPORT too, of course!

Thanks for reading. I will share about my life's adventures here whenever I can, seeing as I don't exactly fit into any "one" category!

[MickeyCheeky]

Many hugs to you

[SheilaKathy]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Many hugs to you

Thanks, I need lots of support too, of course!

hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs!!!!!!!!!!!

[SheilaKathy]

For those of you unfamiliar with Lyme Disease, you get it from being bitten by a tick. A deer tick, which is a tiny thing about the size of a poppy seed. Then you get a rash, flu-like symptoms and then all "you know what" breaks loose! This disease has over 200 symptoms and can cause nerve damage, blindness, infections in any part of the body and it is something that if it is not caught by a Dr. right away, can be with you for life. In my case, since I was exposed to it before a lot was known about it, it went undiagnosed for 5 years or more. When it finally was diagnosed, I ended up in the Hospital and had to be put onto I.V. antibiotics. My heart was infected with it and I almost died from it.

I have had so many relapses with it, where I again needed high doses of antibiotics for long durations, that I have lost count. Just what it has done to my life, has been so devastating, that I can and do get depressed sometimes. For instance, I was unable to have children because of it, having had 7 miscarriages. I suffered severe debilitating back pain for several years, before it was diagnosed. I was not able to hold a job. I could sometimes help out with the family business, but even that was hard, and there were many times I had to take a "back seat" and do little to nothing but rest.

As medical science progressed, stronger antibiotics were developed that work against it. However, I am allergic to one, and another is becoming ineffective because I have had it so many times.

As to the mental aspects of Lyme Disease, they pretty much run the gamut of emotions. If an unwanted emotion exists (and there are all kinds of those!), I have had it many times. I can also just get into a kind of desperation about it all, wanting to find some kind of solution. I have been to more kinds of Dr.s looking for more solutions than I can remember. None of them has been able to solve it. All of them combined have given me some relief, but I do have medical bills that are probably much higher than your average person's because of this, and I live on a low fixed income.

Thanks for reading and for your support, in whatever form it may take....

[SheilaKathy]

Well, today was a pretty good day. I did some exercise, socialized, had no contact with someone that has been getting on my nerves and in general I am grateful for a good day! Work went well today too. It usually does. I have an easy job.

[SheilaKathy]

I'm hopeful today. Yesterday was a better day than the day before, which had been a really tough one. Today I hope I can just go on doing my job as I have done it for the last several months, minus the last week or so before yesterday, and be on with my life and my job. I am hoping for no more opposition. If someone is staying away from my place of work (who has been a participant, not an employee) due to their own decision, that is no fault of mine. Even if the person has blamed me, it is his own decision to stay away. I am not to blame, no matter how many people want to TRY to blame me. I have finally come to that conclusion. In other words, I am not at fault for having defended myself against this person's anger. He is responsible for having gotten angry at me for something that clearly was not something to get angry at someone for (that my jacket, unbeknownst to me) was sticking out in the bus isle about maybe at most 4 inches and supposedly in his way. This was NO REASON for him to attack me verbally, nor was there any reason for him to do so. That I came back at him with the same tone of voice which he had just used on me, was by no means something that should have surprised him (even though I had been taking his snide comments and bullying for that many months silently). A person can only take so much, and on that day I had HAD IT! I am only human and I can only take so much. Really, I took far more abuse from him than I should have, and that is only because I HATE confrontation and anger. However, I have my breaking point and he reached it that day 2 weeks ago yesterday, by verbally attacking me with high volume anger. I responded in kind. No one is blaming me for that, thankfully, although there are a few of his friends and my immediate boss who have either given me the cold shoulder or have in some way said that they refuse to take sides. Still, no one has taken any negative action against me concerning having lost my temper, so I am relieved! SIGH.... (of relief).

[Shazerac]

good luck on your journey to wellness.

[SheilaKathy]

Thanks. Some days it is such a battle, just to get up and stay up. I often eat breakfast and go back to bed for awhile to rest. Then I get up, brush my hair and teeth and then rest some more. Then I go to work for 3 hours or so, (where I eat lunch too) and come home and rest some more. Resting helps a lot. I rarely am able to sleep while I rest. I can only sleep at night. However, I have been sleeping pretty well lately, so I am so grateful for that.

My MD told me to take a half a banana and soak it (WITH THE PEAL ON) for at least 5 minutes in boiled water and then drink the water, peal the banana and eat it. She said that this would give me the minerals I need in order to get a good night's sleep. Ever since I have been doing this, I have been sleeping MUCH better!

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're battling all that at the same time. Sending lots of hugs and support your way.

[possum220]

Full blown panic attacks where you end up in the ER can take some time to recover from. Be gentle with yourself.

Banana's are a great source of potassium and do help with sleeping.

Another thing that may be impacting you is the hormone issue and that also mucks around with anxiety/heart issues.

Hope you can find something to bring you peace.

[SheilaKathy]

Yes, I do the banana thing every night before bed.

I suppose you are right about the fact that I should be gentle with myself. I have not even yet seen my therapist about all this thing that happened at work, although I have emailed her about it and we moved my appointment up so that I will be seeing her on Monday, 2 days from now. It was to be a week later than that, but this was the best she could do.

I guess what really worries me is that because of this bully and all he has done to me at work, and because of how I have reacted to his doing these things to me by telling others what he has done to me, I could lose my job. I fear that right now, more than anything else. It is not giving me anxiety really, more like just a deep seated pain in my chest and some heavy fear, that goes beyond anxiety, I think.

The other thing that is plaguing me is that I cannot get my mind off what this bully has done to me. My mind keeps going to it with some kind of outrage, like HOW CAN HE GET AWAY WITH THIS! This is so not ok. And he has turned a bunch of people against me....

[SheilaKathy]

Somehow my last message posted twice, OOOOPS! So I am editing it away, in order to save space.

[possum220]

It's good that you can see your T earlier than usual. Hope that you and your T can sort out some kind of strategy to deal with this bully.

[SheilaKathy]

Well, the bully has left the place where I work. It is the fall-out of his leaving that I am now dealing with. Mainly that his few friends, those who don't mind being teased, picked on and made fun of, those who think his off-color jokes and stories about ex-wives and ex-girlfriends are funny, have blamed ME for his leaving and have made it uncomfortable for me there now sometimes.

Folks have made comments, or asked me questions which were intended to stir up trouble or are just in general giving me the cold shoulder or a scowl. Nothing outright is being said. It is all just under the table or underhanded kinds of things. I am just getting this feeling like folks are miffed at me, including my boss, for his leaving. In other words, because *I* have a hard time accepting being bullied (as does at least one other person), it is *MY* fault that he decided to leave, because I have been the most outspoken against his nastiness.

Also, he made a point, I see now, of making friends with folks at the TOP of the totem pole there. He made close relationships with the folks who are above me on the employee's chain of command. I'm the lowest one on the totem pole, and he has either attempted to or actually succeeded in making friends with every other person who works there, so that they have all acted toward me in a negative way of one kind or another since his leaving.

I am pretty sure he is pulling some strings from behind the scenes, so as to make me very uncomfortable there. I think he wants ME to leave, so that he can return and carry on with his bullying. He only picks certain folks to bully on, the weak, the frail or the unstable in some mental capacity. Some are easy to spot, others, I am not sure how he picked us out, but he seems to have a knack for finding those that have a hard time fighting back, who don't know how to be bullies themselves, in other words, those who find it hard to "dish it out right back in his face."

I am just not that kind of person, never have been. In fact, I usually don't even catch that someone is kidding me or joking or picking on me in a "light hearted" kind of way. I see it more as belittling or chiding. I don't like it. And at one point I told everyone that I was "not in the mood to be teased today." and since that day he has not spoken to me, other than to get very angry at me for my coat sticking out in the bus isle 3 inches maybe or so. It was supposedly in his way. I mean, really? Was that a reason to blast me with high volume anger? I don't think so, and neither did the bus driver think so. She wrote a report to that affect. However, my boss sees it differently. The bully supposedly has some grievances against me. And she claims she cannot take sides. So if he returns, I am stuck with the situation unless I decide to quit my job and move on. However, there really is no place to move on to, so I would just end up sitting home alone and moping and being lonely. SIGH....