[valbends]

I also found out my T has diabetes, dyslexia, and she is going for another round of chemo so she mut have cancer, AND she has been working too hard... doctors orders made her stay home today which made my appt have to get rescheduled... i don't believe i would have liked to know this much about her, i mean think of what message this sends to a patient...

Through each others weaknesses we find comfort.

[valbends]

and it is a real shame because i like her

Through each others weaknesses we find comfort.

[LadyDragus]

well honey if you knwo more about your thearpist the more she can understand you and the more you can also begin to open up to her..
I used to know my T's home phone number and how many kids she had, and when there b-day was.. Becawe we buitl a bond that only a patient and a T can build..

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
<font color=purple>

[valbends]

but i mean she has cancer so she is a t a higher risk of dying, an she works too hard so you know i dont want to put more pressure on her or anything... i mean last appt she rearranged the appt books completely just so i could get an app with the psyh... imagine how hard and time consuming that was

Through each others weaknesses we find comfort.

[SeptemberMorn]

Val, I understand how you are feeling. It sure would make me feel guilty every time I had an appointment with her, thinking I might be imposing on her.

Also, since the bond between T and patient can become so strong, I wouldn't want to have to think of her dying! Dunno... I don't think it would work too good for me.

If it was me, I'd keep in touch with her to support HER, but I'd be finding me a new therapist. Ask her if there is anyone she could recommend because you feel you need to lighten her load. You probably have enough to deal with as it is, to have to deal with her health!






Wise men still seek Him.

[darkeyes]

Nothing wrong with knowing this about her, you both can still work out. If she feels she can no longer carry on with you she will most likely assign you to another, so do not get overly concerned, just concentrate on your own stuff.
Good luck, it will work out if you want it to, just hang in there

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[Rapunzel]

I'm really interested to find out how much information you would want to know about your T (not just Val, but anyone). Some of you have told me that having had my own struggles could make me a better therapist because I have been there and know what it's like. But how would you really feel about a therapist who has their own psychological issues?

Self-disclosure can be a good thing for a therapist to do as long as it is limited and appropriate - it has to serve a purpose for helping the client. And some things aren't appropriate to disclose to a client. But sometimes it is good to understand that your T is human too. Sometimes the unequal balance of power with my T just doesn't seem fair to me - he knows everything there is to know about me and I know so little about him. After I mentioned that he started using self-disclosure more, but still not too much. He told me that he has always had ADHD for example, but I'm curious about his family and he never says much about them.

One thing that a few counselors do in order to help establish trust and rapport is they spend some time in the first session and ask something like "Is there anything you would like to know about me?" and then openly answer whatever questions the client asks. Do you think that having a chance to ask your counselor questions about themself would make you feel more comfortable, or would you find that inappropriate?

So, Val, you don't like knowing that your T has health problems. Is that because now you know that she is human? That is the message that I get out of it, and I think it is a good thing to be aware that therapists are people too - that you are interacting with a real person who is trained to help you deal with your problems and is concentrating on you but they have real feeling too and can be hurt. They are not invincible - they are subject to health problems, etc. just like the rest of us. Or because you worry about her, and would rather not have to worry about her in a situation where the focus is supposed to be on you?

A couple of years ago my T cancelled my appointments 3 times in a row because he was sick. Since he's only in town every other week that means it was about two months that he cancelled. I knew that it was because he was sick, but that was all that I was told (and it was the secretary who called to cancel). I think it would have been better if I had been given more information, as I was left thinking he wasn't so sick that he stayed home (he was at the office, but trying to reduce his work load and I could have said no I didn't want to cancel except that I knew he wouldn't ask without having a need so I really wasn't able to be that assertive) and I thought I was low priority because I could be cancelled so easily while other people weren't. After the third request to cancel I didn't reschedule anymore and didn't see him for a year and a half. It might have been different if he had actually talked to me about it himself. I guess that every client is different, and while I appreciate knowing a little about my therapist, maybe not everybody does.

<font color=green>"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible" Carl Jung</font color=green>

[darkeyes]

I think depending on what the therapist discloses is the main thing, revealing a medical condition is no big deal, and believe me no pdoc or psychologist/therapist will ever come out and tell you if they have any psychiatric condition or are suffering with depression.
This is off track a little, I feel people in the mental health field and even medical field should be psychologically evaluated yearly to be assured of competency for the profession and assuring the public (clients) that their therapist/doctor/pdoc/ social worker, etc.
I do not feel there was any harm done with what Val's therapist told her about her own health, she is human too.
If things like this are upsetting, then I would advise searching for a therapist that strictly follows ALL of the code of ethics, not all client/therapist personalities will always mesh either, so unfortunately a client that REALLY wants to get better has to find a relationship that both feel comfortable in.
There is no "perfect client" and there is no "perfect therapist", there may be close to perfect for some while others just may not be right or productive.
Now, on the otherhand there are cases where a person may grasp for ANY excuse to stop seeing their therapist or pdocs, making it sound impossible to address their issues, that is another possibilty, and/or noncompliancy with meds if a client is also under a pdoc's care.
Bottom line, I think some of us "need to lighten up a little", therapists are human, if you want an extreme "blank" for a therapist, look into robotic psychotherapy, just joking.
There are times a therapist may purposely bring one of their own experiences into therapy to help start some conversation, showing some relation to what others experience, things that can help a person realize their problems are unique, so many things, things in life are not all "black and white". I think both client/therapist boundaries need to be put out right at the first visit if a client is unsure.
I had one therapist, that didn't let me know about boundaries and stuff till I left a little token of thanks (crystal quartz rock)
behind after the therapist and I left the room, sort of a secret surprise, well the next visit the therapist freaked and rambled off the list of code of ethics, needless to say I felt like a real fool and was hurt by the therapist's behaviour, I feel had the therapist read me or told me about ethical codes between client/therapist this hurt and embarrassment I felt back then could of been avoided.
I apologize for this long reply.
I personally think that many, not all people, start to look for the most miniscule thing to call it quits to therapy, sometimes too, if someone is getting "found out", or things come up in conversation that the client feels threatened they will sooner flee than work at their issue(s).

Whatever, I wish Val and others lots of luck with their therapies and/or pdocs in the new year, and urge them to work with their therapist/pdocs and not feel tempted to discontinue seeking help.

Happy Holidays !!

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON