I'm wondering if anyone else does this, and why do I?

I came to PC with a desperate need to connect with others that had conditions and stories that were similar to my own, however, since my arrival I have unconsciously and consciously steered away from the areas within PC that are tailored to information, and support for people with similar situations.

I don't know why I do this, but I don't want to hear about my disorders. I don't want to have a real conversation about them. I think that I am afraid of what I might feel like if I did. Does this make sense? I don't want to fall down.

I become very upset after reading some threads in which '"survivors" have recounted their experiences.

Recently, I threw china plates threw the glass of my great-grandmother's antique hutch and destroyed a crystal chandler with a closet rod after reading a small part of one person's emotional post. I couldn't even finish reading it, I was so overcome with rage.

Am I alone in this? Does anyone else avoid real contact with others that have the same diagnosis or information regarding their disorders? Does anyone else explode with such intense anger? Am I the only one?

Unsure if I really want an answer,

-Fleeing Bellocq

I can sort of relate - when i first came here it was strictly for advice and to learn what to expect realistically from my disorder - textbooks have a way of skimming over that in my experience. For me now this is more of a place to distract myself and hopefully lend a hand to others. Helping others draws me out of my introspection even if its only temporarily. Some things that get written on here make me really angry but i just try and remind myself as best i can that im not going to be able to change people - they hold their views for a reason and no doubt i regularly annoy others as well so im not exactly free and clear. For me personally ive come to know as much as i want to know about my disorder so as i said before im happy to help others should they need it but i don't really want to be surrounded by mirror images of myself all the time - i feel depressed enough as it is. Just my thoughts.

I don't think you are the only one. I'm just here for the company I think. Connecting with other humans virtually because I've pretty much cut off all real world interaction.
I guess I also have this idea I guess that something beneficial will come about through osmosis or something

[Contrast]

Dearest Flee,

you may have repressed emotions you don't want to rise to the top because you greatly fear what it can and will do to you.

But, there is only one way to find out, right?

The fracturing truth,

-Con

True. I can relate. I was "diagnosed" with some very unacceptable things when I was seventeen years old. Since those days, I have rejected those parts of myself as entirely false, and as "doctor mumbo-jumbo" so to speak. I have filled my heart and mind with delusional thinking to avoid the possibility that it could actually be true.

I don't have any advice because I am the least qualified person to give it lol. I can just totally relate. I recently experienced a rather severe psychotic episode that led me to take a second glance at some of the "names" that the doctors had called me so long ago.

It was helpful to me to see that the people who are also struggling with the "symptoms" of my identical life, are kind, wise, funny, smart, beautiful, and successful. I was then honored to be counted worthy to share one simple thing in common with such folk. Hope you find your way FB. Yours truly, Lightbulb7