Some perspective

I didn't know where else to ask this question so I figured "other" would be OK. There have been a few questions that bothered me lately. After I joined this website yesterday I realized how much I complain. I complain on here and to my sister alot. Which begged the question: do I deserve to?
Sure, I get so frusturated, stressed, and pressured that I cry without meaning to, and get painful stomach aches but isnt EVERYONE stressed? Why do I complain or react to the pressure? Am I just weak? I don't want to complain because it makes me feel whiney and self-centered

I hope you don’t mind my reply, but complaining is your way of letting it out, which although to others may seem strange or weak, which it is not. It's just other people who view it that way deal with things in other way’s and by other means. The good thing is you let it out, bottling it up will do you no good and although you note that things may be too much, like all of the time, which I am sure it's not, it just probably seems that way to you. The only way for you to get that down to a more ideal level of complaining for yourself as you see fit, is to let it out and having your sister and PC here is a great way to do that with support and clarity. People are always here to listen and share. You letting things out on a place like can or will help you but may also help others, as we can learn and pick up things from one another this way and help each other and ourselves get through things. Don't ever feel bad for letting things out in a way others may squander, that's their problem not yours.

I can honestly speak from reacting pretty much the same way to yourself, if people had of charged me for the amount I complain then I would have been bankrupted long ago, not just that I ‘m even surprised I can still produce tears from the amount of times I break down into tears and oh in the most embarrassing of times and places but hey these things happen, I am human and well that’s all I can say. But if you have been there and felt like that then believe me people understand. Those who don't well they have not felt like that as of yet in their life or they react in things in other ways. I hope you don’t mind my reply and it is of some help and I hope I have actually answered to what you were looking for, not just rambled on, sorry if I have. Wish you all the best MIP

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me. It made me feel better... and a little worse. Worse, only because I do what you said is worse "bottling it up" and what not. I only complain to my sister about the normal teenage stuff like "Ugh, my teacher sucks, he's making us write a research paper for our midterm" and "college sucks, i'm such a failure" i never tell her how I want to give up sometimes because she'll just say i'm being overdramatic. But i definitely will take your advice and keep using this as an outlet for my more serious problems. thank you so much

Hi, stressed. I used to do this too, so I can totally identify. It's something I've thought a lot about, and - for myself - I've concluded that it was a form of "acting out" rather than appropriately handling my emotions.

For years I was that irritating person who'd call a friend about any tiny annoyance in life and talk her ear off for an hour, whining and complaining and ranting. It's a little embarrassing to think about it. I'm sure my friends hated me. I'm surprised they answered their phones since they had caller id.

When I decided to cut it out, it was very difficult. Since I didn't have sufficient skills to deal with the stress, I'd feel very uncomfortable and not know what to do with myself. It's like trying to quit any kind of acting out - drinking, overeating, screaming at people, gambling. When you stop doing it and you don't yet know what to do instead, it's extremely uncomfortable. Painful even.

I don't think you're weak or whiny or self-centered, but I do think you should find a different way of dealing with the stress. First, eventually your friends will start avoiding you.

Second, complaining is really the oral equivalent of ruminating IMO. I'm a ruminator by nature although it's a habit I've managed to get under control. Ruminating is a total deadend. It keeps you thinking the negative thoughts that keep fueling the negative emotions. It's like pouring gas on the fire you're trying to put out. It reinforces the very neural connections in your brain that you need to weaken.

I agree that repressing emotions is a terrible plan also. But there's something between repressing and acting out. We do have to talk about problems sometimes in order to solve them. But much complaining isn't about solving the problem. If you're just telling people the awful things in life, and they're just agreeing that yes, yes, it's awful, and no one is offering suggestions for either changing the situation or changing how you react to the situation, then I'd say you're only reinforcing bad emotion-regulation habits. Thich Nhat Hanh would say you're "practicing" the negative emotions and making them grow stronger.