looking for advice for sibling

Hello.

I have a 36 year old brother who is exhibiting quite a few symptoms of mental health problems. Here are a few that have increased over the past 2 years:
-- changes in his health, adding on substantial weight for someone who used to keep fit
-- questions everyones motives and intentions, no longer trusts people or accepts them for who they are
-- frustration at work and feels trapped in his position with no chance for advancement
-- lack of significant others...feels women want nothing to do with him and says he has a difficult time understanding what woman want, what they mean and why they do certain things (I'm just quoting here from him.)
-- does not wish to seek professional help as it could impact his job and he feels he can handle things on his own
-- sleeping patterns have changed to where he sleeps in the morning and is up all night
-- work habits/performance have changed (goes along with above)
-- does not communicate/associate with people well anymore....he used to be personable and now is withdrawn and suspicious
-- questions authority and why things have to be a certain way

If anyone has any suggestions/imput, please share....even if it's comments, suggested reading, suggested websites, etc, it'd be appreciated.
Many thanks.

Joel, I'm sorry that your brother isn't the same person he used to be. It does sound like he has a serious problem. Unfotunately, there's not much you can do for him until he wants the help. Sometimes it can take a crisis before some people realize that they need help.

You might try printing out some of the information found under "Disorders" and have him read it or read it to him and see if he doesn't recognize himself. Along with that, also show him what can be done about the illness.

I haven't read all of the new posts so I don't know if you've found the "Caretakers" category. You might try reading some of the posts and also posting there.

Hang tough and keep posting. No doubt you'll receive a lot of useful information plus a lot of caring support.

Best of luck to you.

You can point out what you have observed to him and let him know that you care about him and are concerned. A lot of the things you mention sound like symptoms of depression. Has there been something going on in his life that could be causing a lot of stress or is otherwise difficult to deal with? That would not be a prerequisite for depression, but if there is, then helping to reduce the stress could help a lot. It sounds like maybe he could be experiencing a "midlife crisis."

Above all, keep letting him know that you care. Be there for him and support him as you can. He has to make the choice about what he is going to do about this, and while counseling could help, he ultimately will have to work through it himself.

<font color=green>"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible" Carl Jung</font color=green>

>>does not wish to seek professional help as it could impact his job and he feels he can handle things on his own

You can let him know that any treatment will be private and must be kept private by law. Even if someone were to call his doctor or hospital they are legally not even allowed to confirm or deny he is a patient.

And why should anyone have to "handle things on their own" when treatment is available?

Of course I'm sure those are not his real reasons, just part of denial, and as others have said there is not much you can do until he is willing to get help. If he becomes receptive to treatment, though, let him know that privacy (with regard to his job or anyone else) should not be an issue.

I am assuming you are in the US, not sure how the laws are applied in other countries, but you can check.

Good luck. And yes, those are defininate symptoms of a potential problem (only a professional can make a true diagnosis, but that's enough info to warrant checking).

There are many good websites with bipolar and depression information, starting with the information available on this site, plus if you do a search you should get a lot of hits. There is lots of information on symptoms and recognizing depression, treatments available, and information for families of those who are or may be suffering.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

Thank you for the response. It's quite an interesting situation as he acknowledges that he has some issues to deal with yet it's been over a year since he's acknowledged it and he still doesn't grasp that he needs the help and can't do it himself.
He has made some progress in attempting to contact a counselor/therapist/professional but then skips out without leaving a call back number or his name.
From what I can determine (although I'm not professional), it's not that there's one specific instance that 'changed' him....it was a result of a couple of years of disappointments and letdowns from friends and work. Also, due to his work, he was somewhat isolated so that added to his deterioration of his communication and social skills. One example is at our recently hosted Holiday Party and he picked up the butter knife and licked it clean and put it back.....he would never had done that before............I don't even think he thought about doing it...I think he just did it without thinking.
Anyway, I appreciated the feedback and response.
Take care and Happy New Year.

Thank you for the response. It's quite an interesting situation as he acknowledges that he has some issues to deal with yet it's been over a year since he's acknowledged it and he still doesn't grasp that he needs the help and can't do it himself.
He has made some progress in attempting to contact a counselor/therapist/professional but then skips out without leaving a call back number or his name.
From what I can determine (although I'm not professional), it's not that there's one specific instance that 'changed' him....it was a result of a couple of years of disappointments and letdowns from friends and work. Also, due to his work, he was somewhat isolated so that added to his deterioration of his communication and social skills. One example is at our recently hosted Holiday Party and he picked up the butter knife and licked it clean and put it back.....he would never had done that before............I don't even think he thought about doing it...I think he just did it without thinking.
Anyway, I appreciated the feedback and response.
Take care and Happy New Year.
Also, thanks for the quote....I enjoy quotes.

"I don't even think he thought about doing it...I think he just did it without thinking."

I'm sure he didn't realize what he was doing. It sounds like he's slipping into his own world, another sign of depression. Those of us who are in the grip of it do things that we don't remember doing are aware of what we're doing at the time.

How about next time he attempts to contact a therapist you be there with him and carry through for him. Sounds like he has some anxiety, too. For some, it's a scary thing to even pick up the phone, much less leave a message, etc. I know it sounds strange, but it's true. I used to conduct my life from a telephone, spent at least three hours in the morning taking care of business. I'm not afraid of it now, but I'd just as soon not use the phone if I don't have to. For me, it's the "hassle." (shrug)

Keep us posted, ok?







This above all: To thine own self be true. -- Shakespeare