[beauflow]

Trusting myself is something I struggle with from time to time.
Some times, I don't appear to have an issue with it but other times I do realize that I do.

As I read articles on "trying to self help myself on this" and to get a clue on where this stems from, I think, if reading correctly it is partial of fear of disapproval from others or ridiculed by others, a tad of perfectionism, wanting to do the right things/actions/decisions and self worth .. i am sure the list can go on....

It is one thing that ex-T said she noted about me but yet she did not work with me on it...

I realize that I am not perfect, i am a human after all... I use this a lot at work when there is a problem (small usually) and the supervisor goes off the handle with it. I even tell it to others, with supervisor at work, she some times sets the standards way to high of what is expected out a normal human.
I try to remind myself this of my own expectations as well.

I was reading some where as well as this probably comes from childhood which would fit with me.

I do realize that this problem with in myself reflects onto my relationships with other people, in the meaning of that i mean, i don't 100% trust my S/O, and geez people at work very slim, and hey- I have internet friends for a reason, right? even old buds from hs that i have known for a while, they i consider internet friends due to i never do actually see them.

I know this article here is a very simplistic article

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...st-in-yourself

Surely I am capable of doing this.... on most days... however, i know it says to "be in the moment of the comfort" but at the same time I can not stop thinking of -- well what happens when that comfort is disrupted? it will be, even the article agrees with that,... take it as it comes?

I am sure this has something coupled with as well with self love... that is one thing my dad used to always tell me, need to love myself due to no one else will/may....

I am sure he meant it in a good way.

as i sit here this morning thinking back on things, my not trusting me with things has in a way damaged me.

I.e. for a path in life for a career i will use as an example. I am always unsure what i really want to do, and if i am unsure what to do then I sort of expect failure with what ever i choose to do... what if i don't like it and i get started, and then i am back at square one with what to do...
Other days I have too many things and it is like too many choices are out there for me to pick just one...

This results in me just sitting at a dead end job, going no where besides pondering and questioning myself... sure I am growing with myself as well, but at the same time-- i am not gaining anything in the area of what to do for a career if that makes any sense...

Also I will give myself some credit here, i.e. at work when things go haywire and i have to make a decision on something important, I work nights- there are no managers around, and calling them I do not always get an answer from them when I do.... some times i just have to make the decision,
the down fall to this how ever is that at work I am very much by the book-- meaning there are procedures set in place..
So i guess this giving credit to myself is still not very well with it due to -- It just reflects that I have a good memory of what to do in x or y or z cases that arise.

I realize that last friday I had trouble making a decisions on the damn tires, and that ended me up alone waiting 3 hours on a monday after noon for nothing to be done due to an issue.. if i would had made and been confident in that decision to get tires on friday morning, i would had known sooner of the issue with the rims, and also since it was the morning and i was the only one there maybe wasted 30 minutes to an hour of my time....

idk, I guess my question with my post here is -- does any one have any suggestions to strengthen this?

confidence i am realizing has some what to do with this as well, which is part of self esteem..

after i have wrote this all, I think "what a mess this is"

eh... I will post this any who.. if i find more things that are helpful i will add them to this.

be well all.

after a few minutes-- i do have a credit that i can take for this some where:
This may sound strange to those that don't know me well, but I had made the decision to leave my brother when i lived with him... surely I had not place to go but for my own mental well being I left him- Some where inside of me it felt so right, i knew some where inside I would be ok and make it some how... I did trust me with what i was doing.... I kept saying, my gut is telling me.. but it was not my gut, it was me some where.
Also the decision to stop using drugs as well... I made that on my own, i kept seeing too much destruction of it all with myself and outside with my brother..

just how to home this in when things are not so bad, ....

I know, therapy right?
****
2nd edit is to add this as well.. it is nice

Mostly trust comes from analyzing actions and consequences. You can’t regularly ask other people if you did okay, whether you were right, or how they think things went and expect to develop self-trust. When clients ask me what I think, I often tell them that when I analyze things I build my character, but when they analyze themselves they build theirs. Nice girls are often very, very unsure of themselves. Are you? Being a second-guesser, you ask other people (who usually don’t have the psychological savvy to turn the question back to you) what they think, further undermining your own views. And round and round you go until you don’t know which end is up.
In order to develop self-trust, you have to take a hiatus from asking people their opinion about things you do and say. Taking a break doesn’t mean you can’t resume after a while and balance out others’ opinions with yours. But you’ve got to get out there and use your own noodle for a while to teach yourself you’re fully capable of deciding for yourself your worth and value, whichever way the coin flips. Sometimes you’ll be thrilled to discover that you’re a pretty good egg after all; other times, you’ll be disappointed that you let yourself down. Either way, the learning is yours and no one can take that away.

http://www.sharecare.com/question/ho...n-trust-myself

that's nice

[Raindropvampire]

You could just try the old fashioned jump in the deep end and hope you swim method. Look at the facts you have and just make a decision. Try not to worry whether you are right or wrong. Just jump in. I know it's a really simplistic answer to your question. Sometimes you just have to have faith in yourself and your abilities. Make enough decisions and I really believe you will see that you are worth trusting.

If this doesn't help sorry. It's just the only thing that has ever helped me in my life is the JUST RIP THE BANDAGE OFF approach. If I give myself time to whiffle and waffle then I never accomplish anything. Best luck to you

[Leed]

I usually go with my "gut instinct." The first thing that my head and my "gut" told me to do is what I go with almost 99% of the time. If it think about it too much, I just get confused and then I don't know WHAT to do. So I just trust my instincts and go with that. Most of the time it's worked out to my benefit, so I've never changed.

Unless and until I have proof that I should do otherwise, I'm going to continue to do it this way. Best of luck! Hugs, Lee

[Miswimmy1]

I trust my gut. I am the kind of person who makes snap judgements, and sticks with those most of the time

[Mindinpieces]

Thank you so much for this, you really don't know how much this has just helped me!! I thought I was the only person who had no trust within themselves. Honestly if someone could just control me then I would gladly give myself over, only because I know left to my own devises then there is really never any hope for me.

However I have to keep trying to over write or rewrite that though or notion in my head, sometimes this happens and I can take a step forward but not before long something inside me drags me back. It is like my body or mind says to me, why or what allowed me to do that, because I can never really believe or trust if I have ever done something out of my own choice or devises. I then self-defeat myself and beat myself up about not being able to make a decision or making one and then running away from that or changing my mind about it. Any new decisions or actions from that point on, takes forever to even attempt let alone see through that decision or action once my line of thoughts have gone onto self-defeat mode.

However I am now at a point where I have an action and decision to make and this time I know it is one or very few last chances. So I have to tackle it as I must just trust the voice in my head and learn to communicate with that in a rational reasoning way because if I wait for something to feel right or hope it will just happen, I know it will go wrong.

I can’t say what will allow you to feel you are in control or what will make you feel able to trust what you set out to do, I wish I could give you advice on this as this is something I can relate to you on. Although this may not be of help to you but this is how it is for me.

For me as well sometimes I think ok can’t trust the sensations and those right feelings, as last time I did that it didn’t go right that’s why I am here again in this position and having to tackle things yet again. So I think to myself ok this time I will think through things as they happen but then I over worry and I can never really tell if I am rationally thinking in the moment or just worrying. So then I think ok this time I am not going to think at all, I am just going to do whatever I just do at that moment in time and react as I react in the situation as it happens, I am human and should be capable of this by now like everyone else, well you would hope so but it appears not. However each and every time it has never worked out, so now I am having to wonder and wonder what will or how even, like yourself, will I know when I can trust me to do something or when can I trust I am thinking straight. So that when I have to make decisions I can trust I know what the hell I am doing.

Although that is of no help to you, it is all I can reply to you, so maybe you can see you are not alone in constantly questioning and judging what you are doing or what you have done or even if you should or shouldn’t do that next because you get that feeling, or at least I do, why do I bother it will end in the same way and it will be because I made that decision, this is what I tell myself because I make that decision and I feel I should not have and therefore I tell myself not to allow myself to make decisions in the future because I feel I can’t be trusted… therefore I set myself up to fail before I have started, yet it is so hard to break this cycle because the only way to really break this cycle is for you or I to do something and for once it to turn out as it should or in a way where we can then go wow I done it, I made the right decision or because of the action I took I made this happen. However sometimes the fear of that one positive time may never occur can be too much because I wonder how many times of trial and errors can I take all in the hope that maybe one day I will do something right.

Once again thank you for sharing this. I hope that I haven’t gone on too much and that maybe this may be of some help in a sense. I am sorry if it is not. Wishing you all the best MIP

(((beauflow)))

,
Pfrog!