[Rhapsody]

Good Morning -

I would like to start a thread on the responsibilities of a homemaker and mother (wife included).... due the fact that the question of "what exactly are your responsibilities" was brought up to me and I was wondering what others thought or what ideals you had on this subject.


Thanks....
LoVe,
Rhapsody -

1.) Care for the children (emotionally & physically)
2.) Clean the house & do the laundry
3.) Cook healthy meals for family
4.) Do the shopping grocery / wal-mart
5.) Pay the bills - manage the money
6.) Taxi service - doctors, school, apt, activities
7.) Support my husband
8.) Give moral & spiritual guidance
8.) Take care of ME

Have a life (social and/or work) outside the marriage/family - which could go under 8) but that seems pretty comprehensive. Too comprehensive actually... the husband should share the load.

[jennie]

Rhapsody, is there any reason you put "Take care of me" last on your list?

[Rhapsody]

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jennie said:
Rhapsody, is there any reason you put "Take care of me" last on your list?

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No reason that it is last..... just did not want to forget it, for I know that it is important too or I cannot do all the other things I listed.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[JustBen]

1. Everything (virtually)

[Rhapsody]

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JustBen said:
1. Everything (virtually)

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Thanks for the LAUGH Ben.............. and spoken by a MAN!!! - (thx for being real).


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Rhapsody]

So ladies....... is there any thing I might have left off the list? - I would like to have the homemaker list complete with in its own.

Thanks....
LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[jennie]

Plan stuff
(my hubby doesn't want to discuss future or work on goals)

[Rhapsody]

Thanks - and YES that is true................ most men prefer the wife to plan it all and then he will just show up for it - lol.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Sabrina]

I do everything on the list as well as administrate my husband's business. Naturally this isn't necessarily a "regular" responsibility but one that I take seriously nonetheless.

I do try to give my husband his own space and time. He often goes away (sporting) for a few days at a time and though my heart breaks, I suffer this gladly and silently for he deserves it.

I honestly do try to respect the fact that he is NOT a housekeeper and never will be and that I should not expect him to do any housework. This probably falls under "Supporting".

Oh, and tongue-in-cheek but it is quite a responsibility allowing him exclusive use of the TV remote!

[Rhapsody]

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Sabrina0805 said:
Oh, and tongue-in-cheek but it is quite a responsibility allowing him exclusive use of the TV remote!

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OUCH!!! - that's a hard one for ME still.................... lol.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ..........................

How about:
9) shopping and sending greetings for birthdays and holidays, for various people throughout both families (husband's and wife's relatives included)--
that's a lot to keep track of if both partners come from large families! There's almost always a birthday or anniversary or holiday to consider while at the store!!

[Kalamity]

Make breakfast while the little one asks me dozens of times, regardless of my answering, what he's going to eat.

Wash dishes that didn't get washed last night, as well as the breakfast dishes.

Entertain the little one: read to him, watch him play games (and cheer him on), help him build with blocks, help him do crafts.

Clean up the mess made while entertaining the little one.

Some of the cleaning: laundry, vacuuming, take garbage out, fold clothes and put them away, pick up numerous stray objects and put them in their place.

Make lunch for the little one while he asks me dozens of times, regardless of my answering, what he's going to eat.

Clean up the lunch dishes and whatever mess inconceivable mess the little one made.

Finish the cleaning (because there is ALWAYS more)

Entertain the little one more, or suffer hours of listening to him chatter at me while I try to make time for myself.

Be attenttive while the little one chatters at me and does educational stuff. (occurs during different times of the day)

Make dinner while listening to the little one asks me dozens of times, regardless of my answering him, what he's going to eat.

Collapse and try to figure out what I have forgotten to do and debate whether I want to wash the dinner dishes.

Different days have different needs: shopping, bills, errands, meetings, baths. It's not like a job where you go in every day and you know that your will do X, Y, and Z. You have to be ready in an instant to take on some unexpected task.

When I'm taking classes I also have to squeeze homework into my day.

[Sabrina]

Umm, I'm starting to wonder where husband's / partners feature in all these responsibilities!

[desirae]

Sacrifice many opportunities of free time for others in need, and not complain about it.

[(JD)]

I'm a single homeowner. What I don't do, I have to hire someone to do. Would that count as all of the above?

[Kalamity]

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Sabrina0805 said:
Umm, I'm starting to wonder where husband's / partners feature in all these responsibilities!

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Sometimes they just don't exist.

[wisewoman]

To be honest when I read the first post here I had angry feelings about all that is necessary for us to do. I did all of the above even when I worked a 50 hour week. The only thing that makes me not angry about it now is that I am not working an outside job right now so many of these things I should do anyway. Hmm, it is all food for thought.

[Maven]

Sabrina, that's what I was thinking. Why does the topic assume a homemaker is a wife and mother? How about a single dad taking care of the home? How about the wife working outside the home, with hubby caring for the home (and any children, if any)? How about the couple share the responsibilities?

There's nothing wrong with being a woman and being a homemaker, wife, and mother, but they shouldn't automatically be the female's responsibilities.

[Sabrina]

I totally agree!!

[JustBen]

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Maven said:
Why does the topic assume a homemaker is a wife and mother?

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Must every thread be inclusive and politically correct? If Rhap wants to talk about the responsibilities of women who work in the home, why not? (Someone can always start their own male homemaker/single dad thread.)

Anyway...other jobs of women in the home:
-Decoration
-Gardening (sometimes)

[eskielover]

I was the rebel of my age.....I had a completely different view of what I expected out of my marriage. It didn't follow anyone elses ideas & especially didn't agree with my MIL's idea of what I should be.

I set down my expectations with my husband before we ever got married. I told him if he didn't agree with me then we shouldn't get married. This was 31 years ago. Unfortunately, he listened to what I had to say, but didn't understand what I said. He told me later on that he didn't think that I really meant what I said & that I would change after getting married. Boy was he wrong. To this day, I have constantly held with my concept of what I expected out of a marriage.

My basis was to be partners.....50/50 with both. I had my college degree & my career (which was the same as his). I expected that our marriage should be exactly the same. The wedding candle ceremony usually has the common candle lit & then they blow out their own candle. I told him that in our marriage, we would light the common candle but keep our individual candles lit even after coming together in marriage. I told him I had no intention of loosing myself in marriage. My idea of marriage is that there are tasks that have to be done & they don't have a name on them as to who is to do them. We are both responsible for getting things done & who ever has the time to do it, they are the responsible person for doing it. He was a picky eater when he got married & when he didn't like what his mother cooked, he would walk out & get his dinner somewhere else. I told him if he ever did that to me, that would be the end of him & the marriage. We worked it out so that I cooked one night, he cooked the other. He had to eat my food & I had to eat his. We only had weekends to do the work around the house & we both had to do it. I wasn't going to do all the work & let him sit & watch TV. When we were living in our first appartment, we didn't like using the washer there. We decided to use my mothers washer & she didn't have a drier at the time so the cloths had to be hung on the close line....meaning that the laundry had to be done early enough so that it could get dried before night. This was our first incident. I got up & told him it was time to get going in order to get over to my mothers home & do the laundry. He refused & I told him if he didn't get up I would pour ice water on him. Guess he didn't believe me (like normal) & I doused him with a huge glass of ice water. That was the point he realized that I would do what I said I would do. He grew up with him mommy taking care of him so my concept of marriage was strange to him. The care of our daughter became a huge responsibility for him also. I told him when we got married that I didn't want children & that if we did, there would only be 1. Another disagreement. He wanted at least 2 (he came from 4 children). We ended up with 1 & that was the end no matter what. I wasn't going to let another 1 sneek in. I am very happy that we had our daughter & wouldn't change it for anything. It was a very difficult time but the relationship now is wonderful. He knew how to take care of babies....I didn't (I was an only child & never babysat). He did most of the care of our daughter & since I was working....I would never get up at night with her. I would feed her well around 11 pm & she would sleep the whole night through from the time she was born.

Being the rebel, & not having any other marriage to use as an example, I had to wing it to make sure that we were both sharing the responsibilities 50/50. In my mind, I had looked at my parents & my own mother. She wanted to be the housewife & do all the wifely duties. I looked at them & my feelings were that I didn't want to be the slave & hold down my career & also have to be the housewife allowing my husband to have time to relax & not me!!! I had no desire to be superwoman & if the marriage wasn't going to be 50/50 on responsibilities, I didn't want to be married. I knew it would be hard enough to take care of just myself with a career....I didn't want to have to take care of someone else.

As I said, I have always been a rebel & way ahead of my time 30 years ago. Having no example to use, it was up to me to define what I expected. I was completely up front before we got married so nothing should have been a surprise except that he really didn't believe what I told him until it happened.

The rebel,
Debbie

eskielover--

It's cool how you had your beliefs and didn't cave in to society pressure!!

I do though, have a bit of a discomfort with the notion of you being a "rebel"--- you just wanted what is fair--- it's a shame in our culture--- when one wants what is only fair that one is considered a rebel.
I think you are a "hero"-- if you don't mind me saying...

***sorry Rhap--- got off topic a bit here!! ***

[darkeyes]

Ben,
In your first reply, "everything", is so true in my case, except, hubby loves cooking, so heck, I let him, what women wouldn't, eh?
Only thing,though, he's getting to do another thing he "likes" doing, as far as home stuff, he likes the big food shopping, so I'm lucky there.
Other than that, I do everything, even a caregiver/taxi for my elderly,sickly mom, her cat and my 2 dogs.
Seems I never get the time to do the last thing Rhap had on her list, "take care of ME".
The only taking care of myself is, seeing my pdoc every 6-8 weeks,gives me the scripts to keep my meds. going.
Sad, to think, I should put that as "taking care of me".
I need to make time to go back to my hobbies,someday it shall happen.

[LMo]

On a personal level, I have to say that I'm really unhappy about this thread. It perpetuates stereotypes and it incites anger from every perspective when reading it.