Support supportive?

(((Pegasus)))

I do recall reading rules which went over PC's policy on members posting supportive posts to one another, rather than challenging your peer's outlook, when I became a member 3+ years ago. I have always tried to keep this general rule into mind, as I don't want to push the other members down lower (I'd appreciate that same consideration with my posts as well).

I've held myself back from posting personal problems of my own at times, in fear of my emotions being minimized and challenged by others. I think that's sad. As we're all here to gain support from those who can relate, not to be attacked for being manipulative or whatever. There are more kind ways to point out hurtful behavior. Or, you could skip posting back if you can't relate to ever feeling that way.

I prefer the previous method better as well ~ it felt more humane and supportive to me.

I'm not much for sharing ideas but I will say how my own forum works. As I actually do believe in challenging people's thoughts, I have a section for that, for people actively looking for advice and thoughts. Then I have a support section that does not allow that but is more meant for when you are fragile and you might more need a hug or a kind word.

It works great for me. Everyone gets what they want.

(((Pegasus))),

I have come to know you as a very "deeply caring person" and especially recently when I found out how you spend time helping and caring for those at end of their lives. That takes a certain "special" kind of person to be able to do that. However when you do that you think about "life" very differently.

Support to me is more about "gently" trying to help another person who is struggling with some kind of challenge. It can include, reading their discription of their "challenge" and then trying to see if you can help them see something they might not be seeing, or to help them to have more "faith" in themselves too. It could be also helping them realize that they are not alone as well by offering how you have faced similar challeges and what you have learned from your experience.

I spent time reading questions and then checking out the "about me" to see what kind of mental illness that person was struggling with. Sometimes I would first read about that illness before I would answer as well.

The one thing I don't agree with is including "religion and politics" on a "Mental health site". And I actually discussed that with my Therapist today as well. His reply is that a "support group" can do a lot of good, but those topics should not be included, he never allowed that in any of "his" support groups. If people wanted to go for coffee later and discuss it, fine, but it was not allowed in the support group as it could lead to one or two ending up being treated "poorly" because they have a different "belief" in either Religion or Politics. Or, it can result in a lot of negetive comments being made about one Religion or Political party which can also create a sense of "unsafety" in a support group revolving around "Mental Illness challenges".

Some may say it should be "ok' to have that "included" in a mental health site, and just "avoided" by the people who struggle if things turn to many negetive comments about one Religion or Political party. I don't agree with that. I think that kind of discussion should be done "else where", not in a site specifically designed for those in need of "Mental Health Support".

The only thing that "could" be done is to have a "special fourm" where Democrats can go, Liberals can go, Repulicans can go, or Independants can go and talk without feeling they are going to get "pounded" for how "they feel". And that could also be done for certain Religions too. And I think that there are already "certain" special forums for "some" religions to gather in and talk.

And "I" happen to like your "unicorns" and "flying horses" or "any kind of horses for that matter".

Open Eyes

This really comes down to the individual. To me, the hugs button means absolutely nothing. I've never used it and I refuse to use it. I do thank posts though, especially when it challenges my views on things. I mostly post on the psychotherapy forum. I like it when I get an opinion, sometimes it might not be what I like to read, sometimes it gives me a different perspective I wouldn't have thought of. Maybe someone has gone through similar things in their therapy and so to read them give an explanation means a lot. Because then I can either take that info on board or totally dismiss, but I have something to look at and work with and since I'm paying for psychotherapy it's in my best interests. That for me is support. Giving me a hug or posting some smiley's ( without no words) isn't support. Not for me it isn't. When I see someone do that I often think it's because they can't think of anything to say and do it to look good.

I refuse to hug or thank. If I want to thank someone there are words for that.

As for being caring, all us that have a problem with standard type caring, we have to belong somewhere too... right?

Wait...what??? You imply that problem solving is not a female quality...I have to say I see this as somewhat sexist.

Interesting, I have been here since 2004.....came here initially with anorexia issues & then landed immediately in the middle of a trauma with the home care person who was caring for my mother who was dying of cancer.

I got all different types of support through all the years I have been here......from the hugs & caring thoughts to the ones who helped me see other ways of looking at things & helping me with a better understanding of PTSD issues I ended up struggling with.

I believe that it's important to receive support that is not always encouraging us to see things differently than the way we have been seeing it....how else to we learn & grow?

When I struggle with the way I am dealing with a problem.....I really love getting other people's ways of thinking & help from their experiences that aren't the same way of thinking as my mind can be STUCK in.

I also appreciate the hugs & caring posts when I am grieving over a loss whether of a dear friend of one of my beloved pets who are my whole family.

Support comes in all forms.....but I believe that support even when it's not in agreement with the way I am thinking about something can & I have only experienced it being in a very supportive way also. One can provide alternative ways of looking at something in a very supportive way using diplomacy & personal experiences.

Seeing a problem that seems to need solving & then thinking through it & trying to offer one's best suggestion as to the solution is basically how I see a lot of the support here. It wouldn't make much sense to offer someone who was feeling suicidal the support to keep on with their direction of thinking....offering hugs & alternate ways of thinking & some things that can distract them through the time they are feeling that way would definitely be the appropriate support.....not telling them that what they are thinking is ok & continue thinking that way.

One has to use their wise mind to help others get into their wise mind thinking at times. I do not believe that there are hard fast rules to what one can say for support....but I do believe that everything including differing ways of thinking must be done in a very supportive way.