Please read? I cant get a response anywhere.

I have some problems. They are nothing new really, but they seem to be getting worse every day of my life. First, let me describe what I do and what kind of person I am:

I'm a 25-year-old male, I own my own video production company specializing in music videos and I am a recording artist. I live with my girlfriend in an apartment who I am in love with, and get along with great. My schedule is always crazy but I try my best to create routines for myself, using my office as a place of "work" and "creating" and getting deals done so I can pay the bills. I've been creative my whole life and never fit in anywhere in groups, clubs, or teams of any sort. I've always tried to escape my problems and the result of that is my creative work. I've made some of my most successful videos and songs solely from the urge to escape some of my life problems and feelings.

As I have grown older, now 25, the pressure to pay bills and remain financially stable has overridden the spark I used to have to create. I quit my serving job about a year and a half ago, got my own office, built a cliental, and have remained financially independent off of my work. The down side now is finding the spark and inspiration to do what I do. I have always been a drinker. Most of my music is based around drinking, fun times, and parties. But now it seems like everytime I drink its to escape where I'm at in my life. I can go days without drinking, no problem at all, but everytime I decide to go out and drink the next day I am in complete shambles. It's like my hangovers are at all time worst. It never used to bother me, I could drink countless drinks and wake up and be fine for the most part. Now, if I have even 5-6 drinks at night, the next day I wake up confused, clumsy, and lost. I feel like I dont have any control and that the day is gone to waste because I am not at my full potential. In my line of work, its requires 24/7 finessing of relationships and peoples projects and the ultimate goal of making MONEY. It's like if I get even slightly out of the zone I'm completely lost. However, when I am in the zone, I'm killing it!

I'm trying to help myself stop trying to escape from every moment of everyday. It used to be that my methods of "escape" were escaping from my job (like being a waiter) by having my mind elsewhere the entire time I worked and when I leave I create whatever I was thinking about. Now, I do this full time, and I do it for other people. And on top of that, I'm always struggling financially. I feel I am constantly having to shift gears to deal with other people and I have forgotten entirely about myself and who I even am as a person. I've been told that I am Bipolar in the past by my doctor, but didnt like taking Lexapro, it made me feel weird, so I stopped. I am currently prescribed Vyvanse ADD medicine, which I actually like because I feel more in control of myself and my life, and its a stimulant which greatly sparks my creativity. I still feel anxious all the time, and don't have much of a sense of securuity ever. I still enjoy drinking because it makes me relaxed and not have to worry so much about everything around me, but my hangovers are getting unbearable and feel completely out of control the next day. My speech is even impaired. It's like I cant even string a sentence together sometimes and I feel depressed and worthless.

I feel like all-in-all I am becoming a meaner person inside and am slowly caring less and less about everything. I have no patience for anything at all. Please help.

Does anybody have any advice for me? This pretty much just skims the surface of my problems and how I feel and this is my first ever posting anything on a site like this.

hello and welcome to the forums!

hope you get what you are looking for here

Your passion has become a mundane job for you and boring. As you get older your body can't handle alcohol as well. You need a job to live and pay bills...any way you can come up with new ideas within your business and spark your passion again? Keep plugging your job and look for a new passion hobby. Drinking used to be fun...not anymore....replace it with???? meditation..excercise...martial arts...painting...I dunno...you can figure it out. I hear you.

Quit drinking. Don't give up on Doctor's & meds. it took me 20 years to find the right diagnosis/pharmacuticals.

Here are just a few ways I think one can find inspiration: read a biography of a person you admire, listen to music often, start a journal, practice your craft and LOVE.

Peace & Hugs,

TnT

And this is my second reply since I joined on the 12th. I am an older man and have been a musician all my life. I have made my living from that and have been very happy at times. I have come to realize that us artists have a different personality often not understood. So it becomes difficult to deal with things such as your waiter job and now creating for others that use to make me feel like I was drowning. And I was and still am drowning in alcohol and prescribed meds such as lexapro among others. I don't have a cure all or answers. I simply don't know. But there are a lot that feel just like we do. Although I am severely depressed, etc. A long life career in music is not enough. But I had to find, and even after I did didn't help, that what I was creating wasn't the issue in taking me to a road to happiness. Yes, I wanted everyone to love my music, etc. Unfortunately, the music business has changed such that it requires money to get any kind of recognition that will make you money and than they will take a piece of that too. Regular jobs for creators/artist is hard - real hard. And I chose to be poor but do my music and play as gigs were found/came. The result was the loss of a long marriage that really send me to the deep end. I think that if you have some one that loves and supports you you are way ahead. Although as an artist, you don't want to hear that. You want, as I do, that silver bullet fixall. I don't know that it exist without bucks. As I said earlier, I don't have answers or remedies. The only thing I can say from my experience is to hang on to anything solid that you have, take your time, and be true to your art even if there is a chance it may not be true to you. If you love it, love it more, even if you don't get back what you think it should be. You may be getting IT in some other ways and it sounds to me that your home life is one of them. Good luck to you my friend. Hope I was able to show you just another brick in the wall. Always with much LOVE - Victor -