[transient]

Hello I'm not sure where this topic would correctly go, so if this is in the wrong forum I apologize.

I've had issues for a while about self stigma, and stigma coming from my family and friends.
What is on my mind right now, is something one of my friends said to me regarding a post on my blog about my daily thoughts.
I've told the friend before that I had mental illnesses out of trust.
In the post I didn't even mention my mental illnesses, but what he replied was seriously upsetting. He basically said that I am my mental illness and that I know what my pure self needs and my illnesses desire. The way I replied to that was as civil as I could muster, and explaining why he was wrong. (I'm not aware of what "my illnesses desire". I don't think they desire anything- because they aren't living entities. they are just there) He then replied to that with a sexist comment, and two long messages about how any illness, whether physical or mental, has to do with the person's choices, is a result of desire and disillusion, and how people enable the person with the illness. And he said he was just trying to help, even though in none of the posts I specifically asked for help.
I couldn't help but to shortly say that he was ignorant, do some research and to leave me alone forever. I don't understand why someone would say the things he did. It made me feel like he was also saying that the sexual abuse (that I confided in him about) that spurred my illnesses were my fault as well. As if!!

I really just can't believe I've talked to this person for so long and couldn't tell that a lot of his comments have been prejudiced and ignorant. He was so self-righteous about it, talking like he knew anything on the subject. Talking down to me.
When it comes to me, during the moment of conversation, I have no ability to gather words and communicate my opinions coherently. I don't know how to begin to stand up for myself when I'm being teased or talked down to, or when someone is being prejudiced. I have strong opinions on certain things, but others I have ambivalent feelings about, so I'm not sure which opinions I should voice.

I've looked for resources online about stigma, but I don't really understand how to combat it. also a lot of the articles about it are unclear, and the comments form people trigger me because they are also ignorant and blaming.
I'm just really frustrated and feeling down because I trusted this person and poured my soul out to them, only to have it backfire on me, like what happens everytime I like someone

[IceCreamKid]

I hope my reply will help. You don't need to internalize every ignorant comment you hear in life. People form their opinions from a lot of raw materials, and not all of those materials are good input to making a reasonable opinion. This person who upset you was being metaphysical when what you probably needed was just a calm listening ear.

There is nothing wrong with needing to digest what other people say before forming your own reply; if you need to say anything, you can always say "Oh, I'd have to think about that" or something else that acknowledges the person said something without giving your set in stone response or opinion of it right then.

I see no stigma in mental illness and by that I mean I refuse to acknowledge it. Mental illness is no different from a broken leg or sinus infection--illness is illness and people recover in varying degrees over varying lengths of time. I never let anyone make me feel bad about my depression; to do so would only add to my depression and it's a big enough monkey on my back as it is.

Still, if it does bother you, you might read up on prejudice in general. All of that said, though, I don't tell many people about my illness, because I recognize some people can't handle their discomfort with it. I hope you feel better soon.

[gma45]

I wish more people would understand that mental illness is not something you can just get over. Like cancer it takes treatment. Some people are just ignorant when it comes to mental illness as if we could just will it away. Sorry it doesn't work that way!

Originally Posted by gma45

I wish more people would understand that mental illness is not something you can just get over. Like cancer it takes treatment. Some people are just ignorant when it comes to mental illness as if we could just will it away. Sorry it doesn't work that way!

i hate the stigma, for that exact same reason

okay... we're MI- so what?

we should be treated the same as anyone else.. if we have a disability, from another country, what ever.

really hate it how we're singled out

[Open Eyes]

(((transient))),

I am so sorry that you "trusted" someone and that person let you down or seemed to take the route of saying that you are sort of creating your own mental illness. However, when you talk to others about how you struggle, they are not going to understand that real challenge unless they too experience it.

The only thing I can take from what this person said is about how a mental illness being a persons "choice" or they can "chose to have it somehow", is that often a person can "unknowingly" feed into a mental illness. What I mean by that is when a person begins to experience a mental illness where they can't seem to gain control or are confused by some inability, they are "frightened". So, if someone has a sudden onset of anxiety or panic, that person can become frightened and add to the already troubling anxiety which makes it even worse. But that doesn't mean that person is "choosing" that to take place. What it means is that they do not understand it, and they are beginning to "feed into it" and they simply do not know it.

The other thing that person, and many like him, is ignorant about is that people with PTSD actually have changes that have taken place in their brains. The hypocampus has experienced "cell damage" and has shrunken in size and that part of the brain is an important part of the brain that filters information coming and going in the brain.
And if the person you are talking about really had researched before he spoke, he would also know that with this "damage" there is a genuine challenge with "emotions" and the person struggling is not "choosing that to take place".

When you come across people like this, while I know it triggers you, you have to find your way to work on "not" internalizing it. And I know that is hard when struggling with PTSD. And that is why I am making it a point to post to you, yes, unfortunately people are very "ignorant" about PTSD, and they are going to have these "just" remarks that is not going to be fair to you. And unfortunately, until there is "more awareness" efforts made in the general public, you will encounter these "ignorant" people.

It is important that you make sure you have a good therapist, and find others who "do" understand it and can offer you "support" instead of "ignorance".

I can see that you are a new member here, there are some wonderful and supportive people here at PC. While there will still be those that can be "ignorant", there are those that are very understanding and incredibly supportive too.

PTSD is definitely a challenge, but, you can work through it, learn more about it, and gain on learning how to manage it much better with patience and time.

(((Hugs and Welcome)))
Open Eyes

[Maven]

I have lots to say about stigma, but not much time right now, so I'll jump to one of the issues I have with stigma. I am not a violent person, never have been, don't intend to become one. There are laws, and people who would like to make more laws, that say I, as a mentally ill person (by their definition) should not be able to own a gun. It sounds logical in light of history, but it's discrimination against a whole group because of what some members of that group did. Most mentally ill persons are not violent, and in the USA, we are Americans and entitled to American rights and protections. I'm not saying everyone should have a gun or that there shouldn't be laws restricting guns in certain circumstances. I just think that a person, mentally ill or not, should be able to purchase or obtain a gun if they have no history of violence, including real threats, and no major aggression issues. I should have the right to protect myself, and a gun (when you take lessons to use one properly) is one of those ways. I'm a small woman, and I am more vulnerable than many. I don't feel like people are after me or there's danger around every corner, but if I were to live alone, I think I'd feel more comfortable if I had a gun to protect myself. I know many people are against guns altogether, but bad people will always get guns; the good people deserve to have them to fight the bad people.