[seeker1950]

I was frustrated when I was younger that my parents never had any fun...I mean there was NEVER anything fun in our lives, as children, teenagers, young adults, while around my parents. Life was a drudge, and no one was ever happy. Anything done for "entertainment" was a chore. One time when my sister and I were grade school age, my parents took us to an amusement park in a city nearby. It seemed like "WORK"...
I also realize now, looking back on my 20 year unhappy marriage, that it was ME, not my husband, who did things with our daughter, and if I participated, I did so reluctantly, as an unwilling participant.
As a single older woman, divorced, I did go visit my daughter, and play with my grandsons. This past summer, they told me they had asked my daughter, "Did Gram play with you when you were young?" They said her answer was "NO."
I did put all my efforts, at least what I could muster, into being a good mother, but she saw how unhappy I was. I blamed the unhappiness on a loveless marriage (which it was from the beginning), but that too was my fault for manipulating this naive man into marrying me. I knew it was lacking, even before the wedding, but I told myself it would improve...well, of course, it didn't.
I realize I'm writing a novel here. To cut it short, I am amazed that my daughter is living a happily married life, pursuing her dreams of living abroad, has two lovely happy twin boys, and that I still maintain a nice communication with them. They even want me to join them for visits in Europe. The twins even tell them I'm their "favorite" grandparent.
Here's the rub: I don't think I can muster traveling overseas, and all the challenges it will present.
At least I'm happy they want me!
Patty

[IowaFarmGal]

How sweet to be loved by twin boys! How blessed to have a daughter that loves you and wants you around to share good times.

[seeker1950]

Originally Posted by IowaFarmGal

How sweet to be loved by twin boys! How blessed to have a daughter that loves you and wants you around to share good times.

Thank you, Iowafarmgal! You're sweet to respond to my "saga!" For a long time, I blamed everyone else...parents, husband, even those I dated after divorce. Now I accept responsibility, and move forward!

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by seeker1950

For a long time, I blamed everyone else...parents, husband, even those I dated after divorce. Now I accept responsibility, and move forward!

Patty, you were brought up in an unhappy environment..how could you have known how to overcome such a thing? your were just a youngster looking for nurturing which you never got. I hope you are giving yourself some credit for breaking the cycle by having raised a happy child.

[seeker1950]

Originally Posted by TerryL

Patty, you were brought up in an unhappy environment..how could you have known how to overcome such a thing? your were just a youngster looking for nurturing which you never got. I hope you are giving yourself some credit for breaking the cycle by having raised a happy child.

Thank you, TerryL!....Actually, I DID break the cycle. I was physically abused...hit by my mother, almost daily, not even knowing why. I told this to a counselor and he accused me of doing the same to my daughter. I told him, "NO, I've never hit my daughter, never spanked her, but instead I've used reason to talk to her." During the next session, the counselor actually apologized to me.

[Leed]

Bless your heart Seeker. I was much like you, although I lavished love on my kids, I really didn't enjoy "outings." I think I lavished the love on the kids because I didn't get ANY as a child. All us 4 girls were totally ignored. We were treated like furniture -- just "there." It would have been nice to get dusted off once in awhile. LOL So I made sure the kids knew I loved them, but I just hated "outings." I don't know why.

My parents took us to northern michigan every summer for 6 weeks, and we had a blast. But they didn't do anything with us -- they just turned us loose on the beaches. We met other kids, and were on our way. The rest of the year at home, we just played with neighborhood kids -- my parents didn't have to worry about us. Our neighborhood was "safe" back then.

So I know how you feel. I haven't been that great a grandmother as far as doing things with my granddaughter -- but at 17 she loves me to death! We had a rough period in her early teens, but that's to be expected.

I guess in the long run, we're "okay." We tried, right? We did our best with what we had. God bless you Seeker and take care. Hugs, Lee

[seeker1950]

Leed...thank you so much for sharing that!
Patty

[kindachaotic]

Seeker, have traveled alone couple times out of country, not overseas.
One of these trips was 2 months after 9/11 so security was tight.
But...all the airport personel were friendly & helpful.
I saw people escorted to their gate when overwhelmed.
If you could just make it to the airport, people will help you.
If I had the money, I'd travel alone abroad in a heartbeat.
Could get you to Europe & be on my way.

[eskielover]

seeker
Interesting what you said about how much work it is to get out & do something......I can soooooo relate to that but I would always give myself that extra kick in the rear (still do) to get myself out of the door when I have to go somewhere......shoot, I remember one time I was having so much trouble getting out the door to get on vacation that we missed the plane.

It was hard for me to wrap up work to go on vacation & it was hard for me to wrap up the house & have it ready to go on vacation (we always went on our ski vacation to Jackson Hole Wyo right after Christmas from the time my daughter was 5 years old......& I wanted the house clean so I wouldn't have to come back to a mess & have to clean it up before going back to work.

Oh yes, that long loveless marriage....I can relate to but for a bit different reason.....I told my mother before the wedding that I didn't want to marry him because of the issues that I saw.....she said he would grow up....he never did & got worse by the time I was able to leave him 5 years ago after 33 years of tolerating & hiding in my career.....have had a few other amazing realizations over these 5 years regarding how I was after loosing my career & no longer having a place to escape from the marriage.....but that's another novel.

For some reason, I was able to do that final kick in the rear to get myself out & doing what was planned to do, but it was a horrible process getting there.....there are times even now when I'm trying to get myself out the door & get to some place on-time (which NEVER HAPPENS)......I hear the same old tape playing in my head.....why don't you just stay home..this is too much trouble to go through for this. I usually have an arm full of things I'm taking where ever I go & getting the dogs into the truck is like having kids......& sometimes I'm so glad when whatever it was I was going to gets cancelled & find myself breathing a sigh of relief.....even for things I really want to go to....like last week when we were having icy rain.....I was so glad that Bible study was cancelled because I was really tired & didn't want to go even if it had been good weather....but bad weather makes me want to stay home even more.

I absolutely loved my DBT group I went to every monday morning for 2 years....but trying to get out of the house to get there by 9:30am was impossible & I was late almost every week also....when driving there late it was that same old tape....why are you doing this to yourself....it would be so much easier to JUST STAY HOME.

I do find when I get too many activities going in my life that I sometimes STOP doing everything for awhile just to get myself grounded & the desire back to be doing things again (which doesn't take more than a few weeks). I do like staying at home & doing nothing at times more than just this stupid computer.....& working on my art work or beading....but I can never find enough time to just sit & get art done that isn't for someone's specific gift & think what I could do if I just had time to spend on the painting or beading....I might actually be able to sell something & make some money on it rather than just NOT spending money on gifts...lol.

UGH....another one of my novels....I love your posts....nice to see you posting a bit more......