Can we decide who we want to be?

I´ve been pondering over this for quite some time.

I have come to notice that I can feel like a COMPLETE different person,
depending on what I do, where I am and who I am with.
It changes me, the way I see myself, life, the way I feel about me, my self-confidence, my attitude... everything.

Eg when I am on holidays I am completely different. Mostly very free and happy and relaxed and I look at life differently, more open-mindedly.
I even look different.

When I am with friends I am funnier.

When I am in dance class, I am very serious and not so free and relaxed.

When I am with my mother, I feel mute and like a little girl because I have to suck up all my feelings and thoughts. And I´m angry and not very compassionate or loving, evil maybe.

When I am with my boyfriend, I am so much more loving towards me and people.

When i teach, I feel so grown-up and responsible and sort of serious.

When I meditate regularily, I feel more relaxed and accepting and loving.

So my question is, can we decide on who we want to be, by picking certain places to be or live in, people to hang out with and who not to see so often, things we do and things we don´t do?
Is this how it works?

It seems like it to me.
But I thought I could only be my "natural" me and I couldn´t meddle with that. I had to be who I was and I couldn´t "decide" to be more confident or loving or something.

I´m confused. Can you help me?

I think that is a normal way to feel. We have different roles in life where it is appropriate to behave a certain way. I felt like this years ago when I was pregnant. Because I felt like my horemones were controlling me. Where was the 'me' in this emotional mess? lol

Alishia, if you read beauflows thread about "subselves" there are some good links there that can help you understand your "different" ways of behaving while you do these different activities.

You are expressing "normal" human behavior when you do what you are discribing.

many people choose who they want to hang out with, where they want to live, where they want to work based on how they feel, how they want their life to be and who they feel they fit in better with, what they want in life...

example a drug addict will choose to hang out with and be a part of the lifestyle friends, family members that have to do with dealing/selling/possessing/ partaking in the drug world.

once they enter treatment for drug addiction they learn how to leave that world behind and make better choices of who they hang out with, where, and all based on how it bakes them feel and who they want to be...sober and clean.

I know many people who live around here in NY, because they dont like the way they are in a southern state, and they only participate in psychology classes and only hang out with like minded (psych majors) people because they like the way they are when engaging in this type of field, people and classes.

making these kinds of choices for ourselves is part of a child growing up, becoming a separate person than their parents and becoming an adult free to make their own choices

The USA is a free country where everyone can choose their own friends, lifestyle, academics, politics, religion, treatment providers, and much much more based on how they feel and who they want to be, what kind of job they want, what makes them feel good about their self, ...

other countries may not have so much freedoms. I know someone who came from another country that doesnt get the freedom to choose who they want to be, who they want to hang out with, where they want to go to church, what religion they want to practice... its all done for her by first her father when she was a child and then her father arranged her marriage to who he felt she should marry and then her husband made all the choices for her of who she was going to be, who she was going to be around....

but here in the USA its just a standard thing that Americans make their own life decisions, unless the person has been declared incompetent by law and appointed a guardian. in these cases where a court has taken away those rights due to being incompetent, the court or the persons court appointed guardian makes those decisions for the person.