[Polperro]

It's been a while since I have been on this site, so hello to old friends and new alike.

This site is like..... well real comfort to me so and to you all.

I find myself back here after thinking I had cracked my problems after many many years of trying..... Yeah right.

The following is one of my issues

I have a therapist but honestly I think I have gone as far as I can with her.

For the past 4 years, I have only managed to work for about 4 months maximum, then I fall apart and leave job, it then takes me at least 3months to get myself together again and ready to start looking for work, but lately it's taking longer to get back in the saddle.

It's really important that I work as I live alone and benefits are very poor in the UK well for me they are but that's a whole different story.

So I worry about the bills coming in and not being able to find a job.

When I do find a new job I am not nervous at all I am so manic and extremely happy, I start work early and finish late with no gripes.

I become everybodies best friend and do most things for most people, it makes me feel good and I do a good job.

Usually after about 6 weeks (I notice but dont seem to be able to anything about it) I start thinking i'm not doing a good enough job and that people are talking.

This is when I start not sleeping, well no more than 4hrs a night sometimes just a couple of hrs, I have zopiclone when I need them but they dont seem to help that much. My mind starts to race, all sorts of things go through my mind, not necessarily bad things, just things I cant rest.

After a full days work I drive home exhausted and crying not all the time but most....why god only knows. The body responses are getting more extreme I am starting to shake at times only in the shoulders and arms at the mo.

Once again I am at the point of leaving a good salaried job, if I stay in the job I know/fear that something awful will happen to me.

What's the point of this thread I dont know.... why am I here, well looking for a different view point, looking for advice/suggestions......

they say a problem halved is a problem solved.....

Thankyou for taking the time to read this.... I wish you well and happy thoughts


Polperro

[pegasus]

Hello Polperro! It is so good to see you and you still have me quoted in your sig!

The sleep bit sounds like depression, what are you ruminating about?

I wonder with the job thing, whether you get to a self-destructive point and a part of you decides that you are doing too well, therefore that part tries to end it! What are you running from?

I'm glad to see you again, I hope you stick around, maybe we can help.

[shezbut]

Hello Polperro,

Are you taking medicine to control your ups & downs, or are you expecting to control them through T?

Perhaps others who struggle with manic-depression will share some tips that help them get through. Gentle hugs to you..