[realizer]

When at home, I feel like being myself - calm, free, productive, clearly thinking and wise person making logical decisions. But should any contact be made with outside world, through telephone or coming outside on street, I feel different. I start worrying and feel uncomfortable feeling or imagining that people look at me, feeling tension I often start making mistakes when conversing with people saying illogical things and feel anxiety that makes me "lock up" which especially true when people raise their voice or when someone has bad day for example which makes me feel it is my fault because I know I tend to behave illogically. Maybe I said something stupid because of inability to think and behave like I usually behave at home? I may have good mood but it can be easily spoiled and I could be left feeling that way until next morning because sleeping usually relieves this.

The problem is that such behaviour causes problems because I cannot keep being me and make stupid mistakes while others think I am idiot. It seems in extreme situations I get so "locked up", that I become freightened, lose ability of rational thinking and expressing myself verbally and I can't stop to realize that I need to relax. On the phone with someone, this usually depends on voice and when it is unpleasant, angry it influences the dialog. Sometimes I need time to think, but feel that the other side is waiting for an answer for me and this makes me feel uneasy and stressful as I rush with my speaking throughout call which ultimately can influence the outcome of conversation. I mean while feeling stressful and tense I have less control of what I speak which can ingluence the outcome and can be not in my favor. For example, chatting online with sales agent from my home, when no one's around I can think logically and retain my common sense which can influence the outcome in my favor in case what I am being offered is bad service. However if I spoke with sales agent face-to-face with other people near, I would stress out, feel emotionally vulnerable and wouldn't think with common sense. I wouldn't control myself verbally due to being focused more on my stressful situation and emotions than what I am being offered so my character's complex nature would influence the outcome not in my favor because I would blindly say yes only to not look stupid.

Strangely this happens with me when I communicate with relatives. But there is one person who I feel comfortable with and can be myself with - my mom. Home is what makes me replenish my emotional tolerance and mom is the only person I feel comfortable with. As soon as there is presence of another person, I tend to "lose direction".

According to one answer I was given, people as myself are tend to be wrongly described as socially phobic or socially anxious while correct description would be highly sensitive people (HSP) and such people are indigos - those who"have "2nd perception" so to say. I was suggested meditating (which I have never done) and given a link to "Highly Sensitive People Survival Book" which is sold on Amazon but I really would like to know if meditating and this book can help me because I need to know the way I can control my emotions while being with society and feeling myself just as I feel home and not doing stupid mistakes that only make me look weird.

I would like to know your thoughts on this and I also have questions as follows:

• What causes someone to feel confident and happy when inside the home, but lack confidence and feel anxious when outside the home?
• What interventions are effective in increasing confidence and reducing anxiety in such circumstances?
• Is this phenomena related to high levels of emotional sensitivity?

[Permanent Pajamas]

The thread title applies to me but I don't like the poll. I am different out in public, highly stressed. Being around other people is exhausting and I can't wait to get back to the coccoon of my castle. Up the drawbridge, throw the bolts and planks and only then can I relax. My home is very small but well-fortified and defended.

The only people who pass through my gate are the men who fix things.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I've asked my doc and psych why I act/feel this way and they have no explanation for it.

[venusss]

• What causes someone to feel confident and happy when inside the home, but lack confidence and feel anxious when outside the home?

Low self confidence, anxiety issues.

• What interventions are effective in increasing confidence and reducing anxiety in such circumstances?

Exposure therapy, mindfulness... slowly learning yourself to interact and realizing nobody's going to bite you and you are not gonna die. I carry Bach's Rescue Remedy in my purse for case of bad anxiety...

• Is this phenomena related to high levels of emotional sensitivity?

could be. Emotional shielding excercise can help a lot though.

[realizer]

Originally Posted by Permanent Pajamas

The thread title applies to me but I don't like the poll.

Thanks for chiming in. What is it exactly that you don't like about poll? Do you think that controlling emotions and behaviour is something which isn't attainable? I see 2 votes casted for "Yes" so 2 optimistic people there already.

Did you try any self-help books that supposed to help with these problems? What would apply to you from information described here?

[Permanent Pajamas]

The poll doesn't match the thread title. It's deceiving.

Wow, I have this exact condition that you are describing. I have gone up to three months without setting foot off of my front porch, if I do not HAVE TO go somewhere, I absolutely prefer to be in my sanctuary. Who knows what will happen out in the world? I feel safe at home but no where else. I do not think that this is full agorophobia, because I can go places if I am forced to, and I feel less terrified if my husband is with me, although I still act completely different. The feeling I get I can compare to how Ralphie's Mom (from A Christmas Story) acted when her husband put the leg lamp in the window of their home, she just kept saying, "Uh....Uh.....Uh...Ah....Ahh." that is how I tend to act most of my time out of my home structure. I have to have absolute knowledge and planning for each exit from my home. I rarely even wear shoes because, why. My family knows, when I put shoes on something is going on. I long to be one of those (perceived by me) carefree comers and goers, easily going from place to place, leaving the house recklessly at a moment's notice, travelers unafraid of being out of doors, but it has not happened yet. I was making progress about six months ago, but I relapsed. You are not alone. Suffering with you. Hopefully this can be changed, unless I am meant to live in isolation, which is acceptable to me although I believe my family could have a fuller life if I could go places with less or no trepidation.

[Permanent Pajamas]

I'm not afraid to be outside. It's dealing with mean/rude people that I don't like. I broke. I can't do it anymore.

P.S. I have a HIGHLY SENSITIVE and intuitive personality all of my life, as you mentioned 2nd perception, I am also deeply familiar with this character and it matches the aspects of my personhood.

[Junerain]

I am also a highly sensitive person, I also feel like others are talking about me or thinking negative thoughts about me...I have the opposite problem, I'm fine when out in public, but not ok at home. I do not feel connected to society at home. I'm looking to move into the city, right in the heart of it all, but it's going to be another 3 months as I'm waiting for funding from the office of mental health. My boyfriend used to live with me, now he's gone, so I really need support now, living alone and so isolated from the rest of society. It's like I need to continually 'people watch,' - I get so much out of people watching!! I'm working on meditating when I'm at home, took a meditation class even, and to listen to music helps me..

Everyone has unique experiences and are senstitive to different things..

I wish us each luck on our life journey's

[Junerain]

Have you thought of getting a psychiatric service dog?

[Junerain]

Mental Health Assistance Dogs - Psychiatric Service Dogs

[realizer]

Originally Posted by lightbulb7

I have to have absolute knowledge and planning for each exit from my home.

Do you also try to plan everything beforehand? For example the dialog of importance you will have or for situation you know is going to happen where without planning you won't know how to behave or accomplish something? When you will have important conversation where you need to remember to ask certain things and you writ everything out in order to not forget?

Originally Posted by lightbulb7

I do not think that this is full agorophobia, because I can go places if I am forced to, and I feel less terrified if my husband is with me, although I still act completely different.

I also don't feel comfortable going to important places if its on my agenda but still drag myself because if it's important, it is. But you should read my answer to Junerain's post below.

Originally Posted by lightbulb7

I was making progress about six months ago, but I relapsed. You are not alone. Suffering with you.

I was different in 2012, I was brave to go outdoors, speak with people and understand them well but then recently in 2013 I kind of relapsed probably because I rarely gone out. I think I become less talkative and more lousy when I spend many days mostly at home.

Originally Posted by lightbulb7

P.S. I have a HIGHLY SENSITIVE and intuitive personality all of my life, as you mentioned 2nd perception, I am also deeply familiar with this character and it matches the aspects of my personhood.

Here are 2 links where you can find more about yourself:

http://www.highlysensitivesouls.com/news/may07.htm
http://lightworkers.org/blog/55668/i...dhd-add-autism

Originally Posted by Permanent Pajamas

I'm not afraid to be outside. It's dealing with mean/rude people that I don't like. I broke. I can't do it anymore.

Who doesn't? But my problem with this is that I become "locked up" feeling something I did wrong and can't realize at the heat of the moment that I am dealing with mean/rude person. It's only after I calm and transition from stressed state to my normal is when I realize that I should have defended myself when I was offended or yelled at.

Originally Posted by Junerain

I am also a highly sensitive person, I also feel like others are talking about me or thinking negative thoughts about me...I have the opposite problem, I'm fine when out in public, but not ok at home. I do not feel connected to society at home.

This is interesting and I think I can relate to this because while I feel myself at home, if I spend more time elsewhere, I can get used to it and feel different when back to my home. It the takes time to adapt back to place where I spend most time. Maybe I am adaptive personality type of there is such thing?

Originally Posted by Junerain

Have you thought of getting a psychiatric service dog?

I don't believe I we have such dogs where I live but I could use getting slapped in face by such dog at the heat of the moment to wake me up

Yes, generally I do try to kind of plan my conversations etc. like preparing myself not to go blank or get flustered/overstimulated when conversing with others.

[venusss]

Originally Posted by lightbulb7

Yes, generally I do try to kind of plan my conversations etc. like preparing myself not to go blank or get flustered/overstimulated when conversing with others.

once i saw a meme "I always plan conversation and hate when the other side doesn't follow the script".

Sadly, I can relate to that and sometimes it's not even joke to me.

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

once i saw a meme "I always plan conversation and hate when the other side doesn't follow the script".

Sadly, I can relate to that and sometimes it's not even joke to me.

Exactly! Well said.

Hey Venus, I checked out your blog on wordpress- You are Czech too? I live in the United States-Texas. Wonder if you've ever heard of The Horelica Tunnel. My last name (maiden) is Horelica, small world.