[NotDeadYet]

Sometimes my hands aren't my hand and it feels like I'm watching this all through a screen and seeing life unfold before me. Like I'm ageing but not at the same time, I feel stuck and dead in the confines of numbers and codes never truly existing slowly waiting for the clock to stop but it never really does. Sometimes I feel like it just slip out of reality and just float while my limbs vibrate. I have felt like this since Middle school and maybe even before that cause I remember one time in elementary school how I was telling my friend we were all fake and didn't exist, my mom told me that would get me sent away if I talk like that. Why must I have such a thin grasp on reality that has started since I was young? What hates me enough to curse me like this? Existence is very painful

[MickeyCheeky]

Do you see a doctor? Have you talked with him about this?

[winter loneliness]

Are you being existential, or do you really feel this way?

[NotDeadYet]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Do you see a doctor? Have you talked with him about this?

No, I'm honestly to afraid to tell people this, the only reason I'm posting about this online is cause of anonymity

Originally Posted by winter loneliness

Are you being existential, or do you really feel this way?

Yes I really feel this way, I don't feel human most of the time

[Sunflower123]

What are your fears about getting this evaluated by a professional? You might get some answers to what's going on.

[NotDeadYet]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

What are your fears about getting this evaluated by a professional? You might get some answers to what's going on.

I don't know? Maybe I'm afraid of being judged or that my problems aren't actually that important to go see anyone about (cause I do fear that.) I really don't like talking about my problems to real life people, its kinda scary to think about. I cant even trust my mom with this knowledge nor any of my other family members and if feels weird to admit that I have problems

[Laurie60]

Originally Posted by NotDeadYet

I don't know? Maybe I'm afraid of being judged or that my problems aren't actually that important to go see anyone about (cause I do fear that.) I really don't like talking about my problems to real life people, its kinda scary to think about. I cant even trust my mom with this knowledge nor any of my other family members and if feels weird to admit that I have problems

Aside from this forum do you have anyone who you can talk to about what's going on?
I know you stated that you have trust issues so I'm wondering if you engage in any other type of support?
I know I'm a stranger but if you need it want someone to talk with I'd be happy to listen.

[NotDeadYet]

Originally Posted by Laurie60

Aside from this forum do you have anyone who you can talk to about what's going on?
I know you stated that you have trust issues so I'm wondering if you engage in any other type of support?
I know I'm a stranger but if you need it want someone to talk with I'd be happy to listen.

I do have a friend that I can talk to, but I fear that she will use this info to leave me or talk bad about me and that I would just be a general annoyance (I also fear if I ask if she hates me she will find a reason to leave)
I do vent on Amino about my problems sometimes but that's the most of it

[MayGH]

I get the same way as how you described your hand. I panic for a minute because it's like it's not my hand. Or when I'm looking at a loved one, I have a split second where I panic like they're new in my life or something. If that makes sense.

[NotDeadYet]

Originally Posted by MayGH

I get the same way as how you described your hand. I panic for a minute because it's like it's not my hand. Or when I'm looking at a loved one, I have a split second where I panic like they're new in my life or something. If that makes sense.

Yeah, quite a bit it's so weird to have your hands interact and just sorta freak like, This isn't me? I haven't had the family thing (I think) but I have had times where I can't recognize myself in a mirror and freaked out and sometimes my voice sounds very foreign like I didn't speak but words came out of my mouth