poor self esteem + wild imagination = ????

Hi again! I'm a 15 year old girl, and I have a LOT of self-esteem problems. I tend to set very high and unrealistic standards for myself and I'm really hard on myself when I don't meet these expectations. I'm aware that is an issue, but it's not why I'm here. Because I refuse to give myself any credit for anything ever, (i even know what i'm doing to myself is wrong, but i just can't stop) I tend to... imagine other people (generally people that i admire or want the respect of) saying good things about me while I'm not around. Like, I'll imagine people like "oh she's really hard on herself but she doesn't need to be, she's really great at..." and so on. I have daydreams about other people complimenting me behind my back.
I think that's weird and a bit alarming. Does anyone know if this is normal? Is it a sign of any sort of mental illness, or should I not be worried at all? If anyone is good at psychoanalyzing, could you tell me why I do this? I'm just worried and curious.
Thanks!

Hi! I would think it could be helpful in making you feel better about yourself. I am not a therapist, but I think it's a good practice and certainly not a sign of mental illness--especially as long as you know you are pretending.

I'm Ph. D. Clinical Psychologist. Enjoy. Have fun. I enjoy fantasies too.

Both your self esteem thoughts and "wild" imaginings are the same. You won't tell yourself good things you know to be true so you imagine others, it has to "out" one way or the other because you are intelligent, imaginative, creative, thoughtful, all the things you have others tell you you are.

I would go ask someone you respect how they view you and then use that to help yourself/your self esteem, "Well, so-and-so tells me I am too hard on myself and really smart and they are real and you, voice-in-my-head, are not, so there!"

You can think whatever you want, it's your head! Just decide you are what you have others tell you you are and assume that and look for it everywhere and it will start showing up and the hard, negative voices won't try to embody themselves anymore because there will be no room for them.

As Carly Simon put it:

. . .how to leave myself behind
How to turn down the noise in my mind
Now I haven't got time for the pain
I haven't got room for the pain
I haven't the need for the pain

Ahhhh thank you all so much! This made me feel a ton better!

I do the exact same thing! Thank you for having the courage to post this. It makes me feel less weird