[cool09]

I know sarcastic or dry humor can be inappropriate sometimes especially around certain company (family, etc.) but can it get to the point where it is considered almost psychotic (ie break with reality)? I enjoy dry humor in the same vein that Late Night TV Show Hosts have when they make jokes about Politicians, Celebrities (sometimes, not all of the time - some of the jokes are clearly below the belt ie. Some past Sarah Palin family jokes, etc.). My family doesn't enjoy that stuff so I usually get puzzled looks when my humor gets dry sometimes. My parents/brothers enjoys safe, family-friendly humor. Sometimes I feel that I've said something that completely alienates me but that's what seems to make me laugh. (I'm not into blue humor at all.) Maybe when I get an occasional break from mood swings I enjoy a really good laugh when I hear someone poking fun at other people, etc. and family doesn't find that amusing.

Just interested how others are perceived with their humor.

(I also believe that if I didn't have such a long history of mood swings my humor would be more acceptable which is why I thought this would fit into a mental health discussion. I'll add that sometimes I feel that I can't turn it off and that the safe humor really isn't edgy enough for my taste.)

[EBD8]

Originally Posted by cool09

I know sarcastic or dry humor can be inappropriate sometimes especially around certain company (family, etc.) but can it get to the point where it is considered almost psychotic (ie break with reality)? I enjoy dry humor in the same vein that Late Night TV Show Hosts have when they make jokes about Politicians, Celebrities (sometimes, not all of the time - some of the jokes are clearly below the belt ie. Some past Sarah Palin family jokes, etc.). My family doesn't enjoy that stuff so I usually get puzzled looks when my humor gets dry sometimes. My parents/brothers enjoys safe, family-friendly humor. Sometimes I feel that I've said something that completely alienates me but that's what seems to make me laugh. (I'm not into blue humor at all.) Maybe when I get an occasional break from mood swings I enjoy a really good laugh when I hear someone poking fun at other people, etc. and family doesn't find that amusing.

Just interested how others are perceived with their humor.

(I also believe that if I didn't have such a long history of mood swings my humor would be more acceptable which is why I thought this would fit into a mental health discussion. I'll add that sometimes I feel that I can't turn it off and that the safe humor really isn't edgy enough for my taste.)

The only problem I've seen with humor is when people carry it to far. Sometimes we lack the know how to express to others how we are really feeling about some issue that we are having problems dealing with and we substitute humor in it's place. When we don't get the response we are looking for it may make us think others don't like us. I know that in my case my family judges me the hardest so I try to avoid bringing up anything related to sensitive issues.

[Hellion]

I tend to have a rather dark sense of humor, not really sure why maybe its because I've had chronic depression ever since I can remember so it makes me feel a little better to laugh at bad things. I mean I've attempted suicide but humor on that topic doesn't bother me not because I think it would be funny if someone actually did it but sometimes one has to laugh at where they have been or its too horrible remembering it. I mean obviously if it gets too carried away and moves in the direction of maliciously insulting depressed people then it would bother me.

It also has a lot to do with how its meant as well, like satire is great but if one was being serious it obviously would be an issue. I think a lot of times people miss satire and think its for real. Like I can think of quite a few satirical music lyrics that if one took for real might sound disturbing but that's the point.

As for poking fun at someone, if its in good humour it can be funny, but if its taken too far, they're not in the mood for it and find it upsetting or if its meant as actual insults then it wouldn't be.

I guess I don't really attempt a lot of jokes or humour around certain people, especially some in my family because they don't have the same taste in humour.

[avlady]

I love sarcasm, i thrive on it!! I read somewhere that it isn't so good to be sarcastic, but all of my humor is sarcastic. I wish I could meet someone who's like me, i had an old boyfriend that was like me and we had a blast!!We're pobably both sick in the head for it!

[cool09]

I have trouble relating to people who don't enjoy sarcastic humor. That's just the way I am. I didn't plan it that way. And I don't know if I'm right or wrong when it comes to what I laugh at. I have an Aunt who was a History teacher and Vice Principal. She does not enjoy sarcasm or humor at the expense of other people.

I think as I became an adolescent and learned more about the World and how it really worked (plus onset of mood problems) I associated more with dry humor than I had before as a kid.

Take a great example: Other day I watched "The Jerk". (Been a long time since I've seen it.) And Steve Martin's dog's name is "sh-head". He would say, "Shut up sh-head!". I found that hilarious. I don't think my folks would find that the best humor in the World.

One of the etymological roots/definitions for sarcasm is "to tear flesh". It is biting, caustic humor. I teach English and we talk about the difference between sarcasm and verbal irony; they are not the same thing. Sarcasm generally is rather mean or "biting" in its purpose and can be really offensive if directed at a person or an issue they have strong feeling about.

We have to learn when and with whom sarcasm is appropriate to use, and when we need to keep our tongues in check so as not to be offensive to people. That's just part of learning to communicate with others effectively rather than turning them off completely. It is also a matter of respect for those around us.

I have no problem using sarcasm around my oldest son, for instance, but my youngest son doesn't always "get" the sarcasm yet AND he is just more sensitive by nature to that kind of humor. Out of respect for him, I temper my sarcasm in his presence and save my sarcastic jabs for those times I am around my oldest son who completely "gets" sarcasm.

[sewerrats]

I am very quick at 1 line humour, people carnt get to grips with what i say and can take it has an insult, but you have to look deeper into humour you have to be able to take a joke as well has give it. ME i love come backs but if you upstage the come back some people take it personally which is not the intent. I live in England where its all taken in good face value unless the person is agressive then you say , sorry bud for making the mistake of thinking you may have a sence of humour and leave it at that. Remember years ago to call someone a bastard even in jest would cause a fight, but now friends use it in banter like it dont matter .

[Perna]

I think a lot of sarcastic/dry humor tends to be more intellectual or about special subjects that others may not follow. If your family doesn't watch the same TV shows you do, they're not going to get that "type" of humor? Sarcasm is an emotional, competitive sort of humor too, it's meant to deliberately make fun of or put someone/something down and many people literally don't "get it" because they don't operate on that level. I was raised in a sarcastic household so use to be able to make people die laughing, literally :-) It can be like unwanted teasing, not at all gentle or friendly. Around people not familiar with that sort of word play, it can either go over their heads (they can't imagine anyone would say something like THAT) or wound badly because they are not comfortable with using words that way and take it too much to heart.

[jadzea]

I am the queen of sarcasm. My family used to throw barbs at each other all the time. The lower the comment the better. As I got older I came to realize that other people do not appreciate that type of treatment.

My rule of thumb is to never us sarcasm toward anyone unless you know them very, very well. You never know when the thing you are using to poke fun is the major thing the other person hates. For instance, I had an appointment to get my hair cut. The day before my date my hairdresser called saying she was sick and we rescheduled for a week later. By the time the new appointment came around I had a mop of unruley hair I could not manage. I did the best I could but I was still very uncomfortable with the way I looked. Someone I work with that I do not know very well came into my office for another reason. He looked at me and asked me if I knew I had a giant cow lick on my head. I was not amused.

[sewerrats]

Originally Posted by jadzea

I am the queen of sarcasm. My family used to throw barbs at each other all the time. The lower the comment the better. As I got older I came to realize that other people do not appreciate that type of treatment.

My rule of thumb is to never us sarcasm toward anyone unless you know them very, very well. You never know when the thing you are using to poke fun is the major thing the other person hates. For instance, I had an appointment to get my hair cut. The day before my date my hairdresser called saying she was sick and we rescheduled for a week later. By the time the new appointment came around I had a mop of unruley hair I could not manage. I did the best I could but I was still very uncomfortable with the way I looked. Someone I work with that I do not know very well came into my office for another reason. He looked at me and asked me if I knew I had a giant cow lick on my head. I was not amused.

You should have bounced right back with, at least my face dont look like the same cows arse, thats how i do it in a flash turn the jest round on them.

[avlady]

It's all in jest for me,and at me too

[cool09]

I was wondering how Psychiatrists weed out what is an inappropriate joke and what may be humor due to a break in reality. I'm sure that comes up a lot in the Doctor's office. I mean everyone that sees a Psychiatrist has gotten that look from their Dr. after telling a joke that something has gone off the rails or something is strange. Especially after adjusting meds a patient can be (slightly or tragically) disconnected from themselves fairly easily. A little too much lethargy, irritability, agitation or whatever can mess with your head pretty well.

[sewerrats]

my NHS shrink is a nobhead, this is a typical reply to a question. (me ) doctor could childhood trama cause my depression. ( shrink ) mmmmmmm how long is a piece of string (me ) is that you skipping my question, (shrink) can a duck swim ??? (me) i hope so or it will f****** drown you nob. You think im fooling dont you, well a swear he said that .

[eskielover]

My marriage started our with my H being totally sacrastic (in put down ways toward me)......He didn't do that before we got married or I would have had even more reason's NOT to marry him.

I had a better GPA in college then he did, I even came out with a higher paying job than he did a few years later....so I was anything but someone to be put down in front of others.......at first I was throwing it back at him......but then it hit me....I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE LIKE THIS.

Told him at that point to either stop the sarcasm or get out. He would make jokes & he was the only one laughing at himself....totally pathetic IMO.

Took me 33 years to finally leave him....should have never married him in the first place because the other issues I finally left him for were the issues I had with him before I ever got married......I couldn't respect him....I couldn't love him either.

[cool09]

Humor can be an odd behavior and much more sophisticated than it appears.

And of course something said can always mean more than one thing so that can make interpretation more difficult.

I listened to a professional linguist on NPR talking about English and she said that one problem is that so many words have more than one meaning which is why conversation can be easily misinterpreted. She also talked about the possibilities of having a Global language.

[manwithnofriends]

just thought i'd re-open this thread... cause I've just found out, to "suspect" sarcasm from others (especially online) shows that you have low self-esteem, and you might not be aware that you also do it regularly.

[unaluna]

I was talking about sarcasm with my t this week. I was telling him that I strongly identified with a friend here on pc who said they dont do anger, but boy we can both do sarcasm. All of a sudden I realized, one reason I probably got away with it at home was, my mother didnt understand english well enough. Once she saw me laugh at my own crack, she probably laughed too, even if it was indirectly directed at her. It was probably the only safe way for me to vent my anger - some oblique sarcastic remark.

[Harmacy]

I dislike sarcasm in everyday use. It's a form of passive aggression; people use it to dress up really offensive statements as humour and then when somebody gets offended come out with the old "it was only a joke" / "why are you over-reacting" line (thus trying to make themselves out to be the victim; another passive aggressive tactic).

That said, I like sarcasm in satire. For me though, satire is about attacking powerful people and institutions / conventions and sometimes sarcasm is a good tool for that in a way it isn't when dealing with people one to one.

Dry humour is kind of different; dry humour is about making deadpan observations and observing the world in a slightly skewed way. I have a very dry sense of humour but I'm OK with that as it never manifests itself as aggressive or mean.

[sewerrats]

If your in the right company sarcasm humour Its about throwing it back to each other without taking offence, this is with friends who dont care and no that the best sarcastic put down will win. You have to take what you give or it don't work, if someone out jokes you get thinking quick, don't ever throw a sulk or your crap. never ever try it with a stranger, a TYPICAL sarcastic joke is, I see your not 2 faced or you wouldn't be wearing that one

[tinyrabbit]

I love sarcasm and dry humour but I think you have to be careful with it, as it can mock and wound if delivered with contempt.

An example of gentle sarcasm: the other day I was wrapped in a blanket at T, I stormed off across the room and sat in a chair, and he came over and adjusted it, kind of like tucking me in. Later, I said I assumed I imagined that as I had thought he was angry. "Ah yes," he said, "Because I always like to tuck someone in when I'm angry."

[Perna]

It's hard to judge, but intent means a lot to me. I grew up in a sarcastic home and we were throwing barbs at each other, trying to put the other down or elevate one's self enough to stay out of the muck (which, when you're youngest like I was is not "fair" since I could never get as much practice as my brother/stepmother who were masters).

My husband is clever and can be witty/humorous but his humor rarely tries to wound another (he does not feel threatened by others). If he does do something as a practical joke or to show the "stupidity" of another, it is clever and not hurtful in and of itself, and the other person, the "stupid" person does not get it.

I remember when we were a carload of people at a Christmas drive-through lighting festival that required a $7/per car entrance fee and our guest insisted on paying; he only had a $20 though and gave that to my husband who was driving and my husband gave him back his change, a $10, a $5, and 5 $1 The guy was barely a high school graduate so he sat with the "change" in his lap counting it over and over, muttering to himself. His girlfriend (my friend) only had to glance over to see what my husband had done and she told me and I laughed and told my husband he was "cruel" and he grinned, etc. and, even though she had told me what had happened and the three of us are laughing, the guy still didn't understand! We had to explain in slow detail before he got it and he laughed too (he was a practical joker himself so appreciated that sometimes he "deserved" it in return). I think he was more relieved to understand why the money didn't add up than that the joke had been played on him; just thinking it was about an argument between two guys about who would pay rather than that he didn't "get" it and it wouldn't have been funny with someone else who could do simple math.

[Phreak]

Are there different levels of sarcastic/dry humor?

No, of course not.

I can be deeply sarcastic - the issue i have is that somehow people can't quite relate that to my aspergers. Most of the stuff i say goes over people's heads anyway so i'm usually perceived as weird for reason or another. I've lost interest though really - so long as something is funny to you i don't see why other's necessarily have to share in it.

[lizardlady]

As another poster said, I believe there is a difference between sarcasm and dry humor.

I have an incredibly dry sense of humor. I can make the most outlandish statements with a perfectly straight face. Lost of people don't get my humor because of the disconnect between what I say and my facial expression.

I have mixed feelings about sarcasm. As someone else mentioned, often with sarcasm there is a passive aggressive intent to what is said. The point is to hurt without appearing to hurt. I don't like sarcasm in those cases. I believe sarcasm can also be used to express anger toward someone without coming right out and expressing the anger. I am friends with a family who all use sarcasm as a way of expressing anger toward one another without coming right out and saying they are angry.

On the other hand, there are times that using sarcasm can be a wondeful way for me to reduce stress. I have a coupld of friends I do this with. We can make absolutely horrid sounding remarks to each other, cut one another off at the knees BUT, and it's a very important but, we both are aware of the fact we are blowing off steam. If one of us says "not today" that's the end of it. To me the important thing is the intent. In one case the intent is to hurt the other person. I don't like that. In the other, the intent is to relieve stress with the full knowledge and consent of the other person.

[Travelinglady]

I, too, like to use dry humor, and I have tried it on the Internet, but I find that sometimes people don't get it. And I generally don't have that problem in real life. And I had even put a grinny face () after what I said on The Internet at one point. In cyperspace we can't see people's facial expressions and hear the tone of their voices. So, I think we need to be more careful when we are not in direct contact with people.

I don't like sarcasm, though, unless it is something between two people who know it's in fun. Often times, as was said, sarcasm is just mean and passive-aggressive. I have to say I do like shows with some sarcastic humor, though! ("The Big Bang Theory" comes to mind, as well as the late night talk show hosts.)

I am thinking that sarcasm is a type of dry humor, but the type that is more mean-spirited....

All right now, I don't want to see my last statement in quotes, followed by the words: "That is a really brilliant observation," unless you are actually confirming my astute cognitive skills!