[rolan86]

Well... turning 21 next week... great. I can't stand birthdays. Every year I loathe the day. I feel like I have to put on a display that I am happy and for the whole day just have to pretend. Personally I don't like all the attention. It feels to my like everyone is just monitoring me to see if I'm happy or not. To me it will feel like just any other day. But there is just all that pressure: It's your birthday!! Only once a year!! What are you gonna do today??!! I don't know!! I never know what to do! I haven't had a party since I was like 10. I think that was my last actual party. Everyone in college I know always has huge parties with tons of friends for their birthdays, especially their 21st. Thing is, I don't have that many friends. Not saying that's bad, but I just couldn't fill a party with people is all. My friends are all spread out across the state, and calling them all to join me on that day would just be too much to ask. Plus, my friends are just from different groups. I have different friends groups, like people in my band, my middle school friends, high school friends, study friends from college and all that. no simple just FRIEND GROUP that I could just invite. I'd feel so weird just inviting individuals from each group who I feel really wouldn't mesh well. Like it would be ok, but it would just be kinda uncomfortably awkward if you know what I mean.

The only reason I only ever try to have a party for my birthday is just for my parents, because I know they feel they should give on to me, and they want to. they want me to be happy on my birthday and to celebrate, it's just that it is so frustrating for me, because I always go through so much stress trying to think of who to invite. Plus my dad is always bugging me about why I never have girls at my birthday. I just don't know any girls to invite!! ugh... birthday's in a week...

[winter4me]

At 21 you can decide whether or not to "celebrate" your birthday. It's okay to tell the parents that you appreciate their wanting to have a part for you but you'd rather not do that. Think of something they can do with/for you that they and you might enjoy but that is low key. Or just don't do anything. It is your choice.

[Piraeus]

Hi rolan86. Happy early b-day. 21 was great for me. I really don't have parties. I see from your profile that you suffer from panic attacks. I do too. A party would make me feel very uncomfortable. I hate parties. I always stay in another room away from everybody. Being in crowds makes me have panic attacks. I hope you have a nice b-day. I'm sorry if I'm negative.

Piraeus

[healingme4me]

For my 21st, I decided to go out to eat, in Harvard Square, had a couple drinks with my meal, then we walked to the 'packy' grabbed some drinks and back to the dorm.

Big parties, aren't necessary, if you don't want one

[shezbut]

Hi rolan,

I think that you ought to just speak up and tell your parents that you really don't want a big party. You'd rather do ____ and enjoy the day peacefully with your kind family. It is your day ~ how you celebrate should be YOUR decision. That's the way that I look upon it.

[rolan86]

Yeah, I don't really want to do anything, but my grandma is really excited about planning a party, and is putting a lot of work into it, so I'm just gonna go through with it. Just inviting any one I can. I think it might be actually be kinda cool. I mean they are all good friends of mine so it should be fun. Except I have one problem... There is a good friend of mine, well sort of good friend? I really don't know anymore. I've known him since kindergarten, and he's always been a friend of mine, but as the years went by, I just couldn't stand being around him. Way too judgmental of me, judging everything I say, correcting me nonstop, etc. I just feel like I'm walking on eggshells whenever I talk to him. He is also always telling me I should try drugs, especially psychedelics, which is a topic that gives me extreme anxiety, and that I don't like to talk about. Definitely a subject I wouldn't want to talk or hear about when I'm with my family on my birthday. He's way critical of me, especially how I usually spend my birthdays, which are with my family. It's just what I like to do, I enjoy being with my family on the birthday, since it is such a special day. However, for him, birthdays should be more about going out and getting wasted and partying and such.

Last year was bad. He wanted to go out on the town with me, and party and such, but I had told him I was with family, and he got extremely pissed off at me, telling me I can't keep having birthdays like this, and even insulted my family, not terribly, but just calling them weird and such. That really upset me. Having to have this text argument with him on my birthday just sort of ruined the whole day for me. Because he is so critical of me, and my family, I last year just chose to have friends over and just not invite him. But now, I am just really divided if I should invite him or not. I really don't want to invite him, because I actually want to enjoy my birthday, without him constantly telling me how lame my party is that my family is all there, and how I should be at a bar or club (for my 21st), and just making me feel bad. I want to just have the party and not tell him. but he will probably text me on my 21st saying he wants to take me to a bar or something. then what? just tell him I'm busy? Lie and say I am just out with my family when I'll actually be having other friends over? I don't want to lie. I'm sure one of my friends will post a photo without me knowing of my party to facebook, which he'll see, which will be a nightmare. I don't want to end up in that situation, so I'm considering just inviting him, and maybe there being the chance he will be out of town. I know this sounds bad, but I just don't feel comfortable with him being around my family, since he is so judgmental.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by rolan86

Yeah, I don't really want to do anything, but my grandma is really excited about planning a party, and is putting a lot of work into it, so I'm just gonna go through with it. Just inviting any one I can. I think it might be actually be kinda cool. I mean they are all good friends of mine so it should be fun.

Except I have one problem... There is a good friend of mine, well sort of good friend? I really don't know anymore. I've known him since kindergarten, and he's always been a friend of mine, but as the years went by, I just couldn't stand being around him. Way too judgmental of me, judging everything I say, correcting me nonstop, etc. I just feel like I'm walking on eggshells whenever I talk to him. He is also always telling me I should try drugs, especially psychedelics, which is a topic that gives me extreme anxiety, and that I don't like to talk about.

Definitely a subject I wouldn't want to talk or hear about when I'm with my family on my birthday. He's way critical of me, especially how I usually spend my birthdays, which are with my family. It's just what I like to do, I enjoy being with my family on the birthday, since it is such a special day.

However, for him, birthdays should be more about going out and getting wasted and partying and such.

Last year was bad. He wanted to go out on the town with me, and party and such, but I had told him I was with family, and he got extremely pissed off at me, telling me I can't keep having birthdays like this, and even insulted my family, not terribly, but just calling them weird and such. That really upset me. Having to have this text argument with him on my birthday just sort of ruined the whole day for me. Because he is so critical of me, and my family, I last year just chose to have friends over and just not invite him. But now, I am just really divided if I should invite him or not. I really don't want to invite him, because I actually want to enjoy my birthday, without him constantly telling me how lame my party is that my family is all there, and how I should be at a bar or club (for my 21st), and just making me feel bad. I want to just have the party and not tell him. but he will probably text me on my 21st saying he wants to take me to a bar or something. then what? just tell him I'm busy? Lie and say I am just out with my family when I'll actually be having other friends over? I don't want to lie. I'm sure one of my friends will post a photo without me knowing of my party to facebook, which he'll see, which will be a nightmare. I don't want to end up in that situation, so I'm considering just inviting him, and maybe there being the chance he will be out of town. I know this sounds bad, but I just don't feel comfortable with him being around my family, since he is so judgmental.

Sounds like, most everyone is going to be there. Inviting him, doesn't sound like a bad consideration, due to that whole social media FB, possibility. Better that he's invited, than left out, kwim?

Since, everyone is going to be there, how about a no text policy? Sorry, not accepting texts, tonight? That will help, where last year, your friend was out of line with you, on your day!

Another thing, about the constant pressure to be like him. You don't want to, so just say, listen, I've said it once, and this be my last time saying it, No, and if you ask me again, I am going to have to stop our friendship. It's apparent, to me, reading this post, that you've plenty of other friends to do things with.

I think, it's rather normal, to want to do things with family. I like spending time with family(well, certain members of my family ) and I know of plenty of others, that like to do the same. For my 21st, that day, I was literally in school, so my family time was spent either the weekend before or the weekend, after.

I hope, whatever decision you make, surrounding this friend, works out for you, and that you really do have a great birthday!!