[Moreta]

Not sure where to put this...

I have a hoarding problem, and my husband is tired of it. He's so angry at me b/c of it. I need to change to help our marriage, but I'm not sure how. I can't seem to let anything go. I've lost some weight, so I need to clean out my closet, but I'm still holding on to the bigger clothing and buying more.

For example, here's our spare room.


I have no idea what's in most of the boxes. Probably shoes and handbags.

I'm going to bring it up with my t next week, but I just wanted to find out if y'all had any suggestions.

[spondiferous]

I have a friend who's a hoarder. She lives in a tiny apartment, and can't/doesn't want to move because her rent's been fixed since she moved in 8 years ago so it's ridiculously low, and she loves being in the west end.
However...she's addicted to shopping. I'm not kidding. She buys stuff pretty much all day long, on ebay mostly, when she has money. She is a crafter, which doesn't help. She knits and weaves and does beadwork and always has all these ideas of things to do next. For example...she decided for my birthday one time that she was going to, as a gift, get stuff so we could make our own candles, which I found kind of cool. What happened? We went to a warehouse and she spent $200 on wax sheets and wicks. We still haven't made the candles. It's been 2 years.
She finally lets me go into her apartment. She's been so anxious about letting anyone in there because of the state of it. I can't move around at all. She really struggles with it. But she wants to somehow make it work without giving anything up.
In her case, this will be impossible and I strongly believe that she will just end up living the same way until she is able to give up some of the stuff, or else move, and either way, stop buying things. I'm not sure what your situation is but if hoarding is a problem, I've heard it can be best to start out small. For instance, getting rid of some of the stuff you don't need anymore. Not all of it right away, but some of it. A GREAT place to start would be, going through the stuff in boxes and seeing if you can compact it, then break up and recycle all the packaging you no longer need.
Others think it's best to just 'dive in' and get it all done at once. I am hesitant to suggest it if you're a super hoarder and the idea of parting with even a piece of paper gives you a coronary. Either way...have you talked to someone about it? A T?

[lynn P.]

(((Moreta))) - I commend you for posting this pic and admitting you have a problem. That's the 1st step in solving this problem and good you're going to your T. Usually hoarding has a psychological root -do you know what triggered this or what's the challenge behind it? An organizer could come to a hoarders house and fix it all, but this wouldn't solve it long term. Eventually they would fall back into the habit.

In the meantime I suggest you start separating - you can have a garbage pile, a save pile and a donate pile. If some things are in great condition, you could put them for sale or bring them to a consignment shop. When I spring clean, I go with the 3 pile idea - save, donate and garbage. The rule with clothes is - if you haven't worn it in 6 months, get rid of it. Do you shop more than necessary? If so, this is another part of the problem. Once things are organized, try to make it a rule to put things in their place. I tackle one room at a time and imagine a real estate agent is going to photograph the room. Best of luck and good for you.

[ocdwifeofsociopath]

This is just my idea. As hard as this may be, I might let him clean it out. I would then cut off all access to money so it's not available for impulse shopping. When you have him clean it out agree on keeping the absolute necessities (make sure he understands you still have to be clothed) like, one pair of shoes, new clothes that do fit you, items you use Every day. If your husband is like mine and just dumps without checking, ask a trusted friend who will know if something is too valuable to give up without your telling them. Make sure you are no where near the house when this happens.

[Moreta]

I talked to my old t about it once, but I was having way bigger problems at that time to fully address it. I feel the need to get a professional organizer and my t to come over, so we can go through all the things. lol. My husband has a lot of electronics that he hoards, but he says those things are useful, where as my things are not that useful. Personally, I think we should both work on it, but most of the time my husband just sits around a smokes pot and when he doesn't do anything, I don't do anything. I don't know why I feel the need for him to be doing something, so that I can do something. He usually does the laundry and yard work. I'm going to work on the kitchen this weekend, which is a mess, so hopefully I'll get something accomplished so he won't rage on me anymore.

[avlady]

Have a house or garage sale too

[spondiferous]

I agree that both of you should work on the issue together. Hoarding is hoarding no matter what it is. Even if it's 'Yeah but I'm gonna do ______ with that' or whatever. And I like the idea of bringing in your T and a professional organizer together.

[possum220]

Sometimes its just a matter of clearing out on small area that will get bigger and bigger as you go. If you think you need an organiser to help, then get one. Maybe they can nudge you partner along too.

The feeling of space is a good one and eases the stress level.

Take Care,

[Yoda]

Fellow hoarder here

PMing you...

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Moreta

Not sure where to put this...

I have a hoarding problem, and my husband is tired of it. He's so angry at me b/c of it. I need to change to help our marriage, but I'm not sure how. I can't seem to let anything go. I've lost some weight, so I need to clean out my closet, but I'm still holding on to the bigger clothing and buying more.

For example, here's our spare room.


I have no idea what's in most of the boxes. Probably shoes and handbags.

I'm going to bring it up with my t next week, but I just wanted to find out if y'all had any suggestions.

When you mention, buying more clothes, I am presuming, in your new smaller size? I've had weight struggles in the past. I say, a couple pieces 2 sizes up, for 1 year, and about a weeks worth of outfits, 1 size up, hold onto for about a year, until you know the weight is staying off, then you can figure out what to do from there.

Shoes and handbags. There is consignment that will gladly take many items, and then you can receive credits for merchandise or cash back. ((credits could be good, where you are losing weight and may need more clothes to have a couple weeks worth of outfits, or whatnot?))

If it would give you a feel good, feeling, donations to charities. I like, the donation bin, at my local church, because I know exactly where the items are going, even have been there, and know the people that go there, and it's truly a blessing for those less fortunate to be able to get such items.

One idea, could be, certain types of items, allowing your husband or another family member to go through stuff.

When I look at the picture, I see something that looks very overwhelming. Even, if you can't part with most stuff, some type of an organization system, could work wonders. And Labels are great, too!! In this box, shoes, this box, handbags, this box trinkets, etc.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Moreta

Not sure where to put this...

I have a hoarding problem, and my husband is tired of it. He's so angry at me b/c of it. I need to change to help our marriage, but I'm not sure how. I can't seem to let anything go. I've lost some weight, so I need to clean out my closet, but I'm still holding on to the bigger clothing and buying more.

I just wanted to find out if y'all had any suggestions.

I am in the middle of cleaning, I have a mound of kids clothes, one of their dressers broke, and right now, buying a new one doesn't work. What I am going to post, isn't that project, but I really, really feel for you and your situation.
I downsized, to live as a divorced mom of three kids. And in no way, do I want my ocd-ish organization to make you feel bad. I just know what it's like to look at clutter and want to 'freeze up', from overwhelming feelings.

There's way to make use of space and organization, helps, immensely. This isn't something that happened overnight, but I hope, just a glimpse at my own closet, can give you some ideas.

I'm the type of person, that creates space out of nothing. Keeping like -sized items together. Once, I used to have my closet with more order, but hey, life does get that way. If you were to see the other side, you'd see the clothes...long winter coats and some old high school states jackets on the other end. And some more containers.

The paisley bin, I use to put the kids snack drinks and snacks for school in. Out of sight, out of mind, I have more control over their consumption that way, and watch my budget.



I see potential, with your spare room, honestly, I do see a lot of potential. Not so much, heave ho, just line everything up against walls, get rid of broken stuff, keep like items together. I see potential!!

[ClioDonna]

Moreta, thank you so very much for posting this, and for those who have posted for their suggestions. Although I have some hoarding tendencies on the clothing (can relate) my husband too hoards electronics and other things -- and they are EVERYWHERE - and we have a large home. (can't cook, do laundry easily, etc.). It is to the point with that, and many other things, that I have been considering moving out, as I do not know where to start with this mess. Counseling at the moment is pretty much out of the question until I have useable insurance (just got a new job with bennies, but will take awhile) and we have been to myriads of counseling in the past -- mostly because me - he believes "ClioDonna" has the problem. As far as I can tell, from what he lets on He does not believe anything is wrong with him in terms of the hoarding, although has admitted to some depression issues, but untreated.

I'm at a point that I really don't know what to do -- virtually our whole house looks not unlike that picture - although he does have many things organized, and it's not trash or anything - it's clean, but SO MUCH STUFF.

I'm simply overwhelmed.

Thanks again for posting.

[Gus1234U]

ooh {{{{Mo~! }}}} i had no idea~ my mother was a world class hoarder, and i inherited the tendency,,, some one helped me put stuff in bins and stack them, and someone else took a bunch of stuff when i wasn't looking (which totally freaked me out),,

but the only thing i found which really helped, was to give things away to people who seemed to want them ~! i hope you can get someone to help you, and even if it feels bad, let things go out the door with a new friend....

you know i am pulling for you~!



all things in their season ~

[H3rmit]

I commend you for posting this and wanting to do something about it. My dad was a bit of a hoarder, and I had a friend who was and never let me in her place in the many years I knew her. Wish I could come and help you out. I like sorting out a mess - it's like doing a jigsaw puzzle or Tetris. Spondiferous' method is similar to mine, and lots of good advice here I think. You can do it.

My method is 3 areas - for stuff to keep, stuff to trash and not sure. This quickly sorts everything, and you take out the trash. Feels good. Then you can gradually work through the not sure pile and your thoughts and feelings about those items. If you put the good containers on one side of you and the random cardboard boxes on the other side, you have somewhere to put the good stuff and the trash right away. You have room to work. I'm just itching to get in there. I'm not a neat freak - my place is a little cluttered with whatever we are using regularly, but it is well organized and I can always find what I need. I like to keep a clean workspace in the kitchen all the time, but my husband is a bit clueless about that. He also has craploads of electronics, but I helped him organize them into labelled boxes a while back. At least you have room to work rather than stuff piled to the ceiling that could fall and kill you, like my sister had, so you can get started. And you have motivation. Good for you!