[psychmajortwenty2]

So I'm sitting at my desk, enjoying my morning coffee (I know it's almost noon, I take a very loooong time to enjoy my coffee), and I stare at this framed photo sitting on my desk. I take a time to ponder it. I never really have photos around me. My parents weren't big on them, not that they didn't like them, just they didn't put much importance into having them.. and so I guess I kind of inherited that. This is one of the few framed photos I have. It was given to me because I was a part of this group that worked together to put a political event on for high school students all across the country to come to. I stare at it and I see me and all the other people's shining faces..

And then I realize. Why the hell have I kept this photo all these years? I don't even like anybody in it! I had a couple of people who I stayed friendly acquaintances with... but that's all. I really didn't like people in the group. I felt like I just couldn't understand them. I tried to get along with them, and so we all did get along, but I never felt like I could connect with them. I'm wondering why I even tried being a part of this group that I didn't even really enjoy..

Anybody else have experiences like that? What do you do with them? Do you leave them? Or do you feel like you have weird loyalty towards them or are worried what other people would think if you left so you stay a part of the group?

I also did this with another church youth group I was apart of. I experienced all of the above that I just mentioned. I realized I just hasn't into that HEY?! HOW ARE YOU DOING? JESUS, IS LIKE, TOTALLY AWESOME! YOU JUST PRAY THE ROSARY! kind of style of ministering.

In fact, I didn't even want to "evangelize" people. I don't like shoving my faith down other people's throats. I like other people coming to their own conclusions about life or whatever.. and hearing about those. Those are fascinating. It doesn't have to be the same as mine to be right.

Anyways... it was weird. This was a part of my life for some time.. at least a year... and it's odd to look back, have that cliche 20/20 hindsight and be like - why did I do that? I'm interested in hearing other people's experiences.. if you don't mind. And advice, maybe, on what to do when you realize you don't like the people you surround yourself with.

[Perna]

I think our perceptions and experiences are constantly shifting what we think. It could be while you were working with them you were more focused on what you were doing than the people whereas now you're doing something else you can focus on the people. . . and realize you didn't really like them.

There's opposites at work in our lives too, remember:

“Bran thought about it. 'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?'
'That is the only time a man can be brave,' his father told him.”
~George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

I know what you mean though; I've had those, "What am I doing here?" moments or, worse, "How did I get here?". Usually mine have come because I didn't pay sufficient attention to myself in the moment, just went along for the ride or because it seemed right in some way when I was approached with it (I need a job, any job). Sometimes it has only been when trying to bend myself to something like the proselytizing that I suddenly come to my self/right mind and realize it's "not me". Hard to always know sometimes if we have not had the experience yet but just lived in our head? The map is not the territory.

[psychmajortwenty2]

Originally Posted by Perna

I think our perceptions and experiences are constantly shifting what we think. It could be while you were working with them you were more focused on what you were doing than the people whereas now you're doing something else you can focus on the people. . . and realize you didn't really like them.

There's opposites at work in our lives too, remember:

“Bran thought about it. 'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?'
'That is the only time a man can be brave,' his father told him.”
~George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

I know what you mean though; I've had those, "What am I doing here?" moments or, worse, "How did I get here?". Usually mine have come because I didn't pay sufficient attention to myself in the moment, just went along for the ride or because it seemed right in some way when I was approached with it (I need a job, any job). Sometimes it has only been when trying to bend myself to something like the proselytizing that I suddenly come to my self/right mind and realize it's "not me". Hard to always know sometimes if we have not had the experience yet but just lived in our head? The map is not the territory.

I LOVED that you used that Game of Thrones quote! And yeah, I agree with you!